hahaha im back!

nevermind i just realized i have sooo much time but im gonna use this post to doodle out my new book ideas because i just remembered that i should be wayyy further along with it but yet i am still planning it out! I think im gonna title it love is blind or love is crazy or the funny thing about love...or something like that...you get my drift right...good

either way here are my notes soo far...

Protagonist: Zela Jackson, and Phil Flannigan
Antagonist: Eugene Anderson

the rest of these notes probably wont make sense but bare with me anyway:

1. begins with Argument with Anderson (yes everyone calls him anderson because he doesnt like the name Eugene) the argument nearly tears their relationship apart {eugene-Zela= :( }


2. Relationship already had problems no one approved because anderson is older and they are always arguing about something...


3. introduction of Phil. having his own relationship problems...Phil and Zela meet at a wild party and he nearly saves her life...but it was too dark for her to get a good look at his face...and he left too quickly for her to catch his name.


4. Zela is taken by this mysterious guy doodling a masked hero all over her notebooks swooping in and saving her.


5. Phil and Zela talk in class but she doesn't realize it was him...they become close and Anderson gets jealous..


6. Anderson threatens Phil without Zela knowing.but she does not believe phil when he tells her.


7. Zelas cousin (name to be decided) is highly involved with her relationship with Eugene she actually got them together...when she senses the relationship falling apart she blames phil causing a huge argument]


8. THE MOMENT... zela is going to class and inside she sees phil and how he looks sickly and depressed and it drains her soul.


9. she decides to ask about it later...and thats when he explains his break up. she feels horrible but apart of her saw it comming...she gave him advice although she knew inside she sort of liked him...


10. on the phone she explains to him how someone mysterious saved her at a party and he realizes it was him. but he doesnot tell her. she goes on to explain that he will never know who could just swoop in and save him from his heartache and it would be the most unsuspecting person.


11. Mood switch: Zela...hunny ...i think she is waking up....can you hear me Zela please.


12. Anderson comes to her house late one night asking Zela if she still loves him. she replies like a friend but right now this is too complicated for me. he pulls out a knife and stabs her screaming if you cant love me you cannot love anyone else.

.........................................................................................................................................................................

1. Zela dies and at her funeral journal entries are read explaining how she has a strange feeling about what Anderson might do and strange farewell notes to her friends and family and the mysterious guy from the party who will always own her heart.


2. Phil attends the service visibly shaken...he asks to say a few words and he goes up and reads a note she had given him....you can tell he fights off tears before he begins singing.... ill be your hero-sterling knight. he reveals that he is the mystery hero and everyone is visibly sadden at the thought because she never got to tell him she loved him

...................................................................................................................................................................

Alternate ending:

1. Zela is in critical condition after Anderson attacks her...he gets away.


2. in her hospital room many people come in and out visiting her...she was legally dead for 3 minutes and is in and out of a coma.


3. Phil comes to visit her and she tries her hardest to open her eyes once she hears his voice.she wants to tell him everything tell her she is ok...but just then he explains to her he is the mysterious hero ....although she is in a comma at the time her still lifeless body produces a tear and he leaves wondering if she heard him....


4. Zela'scondition stablizes and she is able to go home...parts of her memory missing still...susposedly to return according to doctors...until then she jst reads her diary and letting old memories flow back to her.


5. She remember faintly a boy comming to her telling her he is the mystery hero. but she has no clue if it was a dream or not. just in the midst of wondering she hears music out her window....


6. she looks out to find Phil standing there holding up a boom box playing ill be your hero- Sterling knight...


7. she realizes it was not a dream and runs down to him...


8. Anderson was never convicted guilty because a week later he is found dead in his car with a note saying now she can never love me so i can not live.


9. Phil and Zela live happily ever after...or some corny ending like that...

.......................................................................................................................................................................

symbols:

magnets Zela and phil

journal

fortune cookies...

maskquerade ball* subject to change

I know it sounds kind of sad and depressing but trust me once i add the little details in i promise it wont be sooo sad...it will be the cutest love story ever....soo guys which ending do you like better??

this whole storyline is subject to change....because it was written differently before and i might want to make it more cutesy for all the true love saps who would be angry other wise....thanks for reading

-Blog ya later!

Bestiee alerttt!!!

HELLLOOOO creepy weirdos who read all my personal business!
lol just kidding you know i loveyou!
anywayysss so my bestest buddy "crystal" found out about my blog during drivers ed...nooo clue how we ended up talking about it...but she told me to write a post about her and this is it! and she even picked out her anonymous name! she is AMAZING and everyone loves her! she has my initials....we are initial buddies! she dating one of my other friends whos name is....ummm....you dont need to know because its not important for you to know! but they are such a cutee couple and they look soooooo happy! im glad for them and i hope they last forever and ever! either way this class might end soon sooo i gotta cut this short...so in final words i love crystal and i hope she is ok with this post!!!!!!
-blog ya later!

It's the most wonderful time of the year :)

The season of love....it's in the air swirling around us it's everywhere and you can't escape the feeling :)

Heyooo web peoplesss... Soo today all I could think about is the holidays people have Christmas lights up and trees and stuff...and my dad is taking me shadow and two other friends ice skating...in rockefeller center and we will get to see the tree bottom line it will be the most romantic time ever! And then my mom wants to also bring me and shadow into new York to eat at this really fancy restaurant also romantic only down fall is she wants to bring his older brother and his girlfriend who we will call "the it's" shadows mom doesn't like for him and the it's to go places together because it "ends badly" whatever that means...I like his brother I have no problem with him i think he is pretty funny his girl friend is nice no matter what other people think...but to go anywhere shadow has to stay on his moms good side until the break...one more week..ldoesnt sound tool hard right.l. WRONG! She's pretty tough but her parenting makes shadow the way he is soo I can't be too mad I guess but I really hope nothing bad happens...

Yesterday I was actually at shadows house with the it's and other friends it was fun eating pizza and surfing tumblr...and then I walked over and saw ...it

Their Christmas tree. It was beautiful it even had a black angel on top...and even though I would never admit it I tears up a bit when I saw it. Because I never got to do stuff like that with my famil as a whole the closest I have ever gotten to a tree was this Little two foot tall fake pink Barbie tree...at my moms apartment...either way after I saw it I just wanted to be there in that room..l

I wanted to just let the lights shine on me and imagine it was all mine and the picture frame ornaments on the tree were from my childhood memories...it crushed me a little inside to know that would never be my reality...but I'm strong I'll live ....life goes on. So later on I decide I just need an excuse to stay in this room because I had this obvious connection with that tree...which sounds creepy but considering what I meant...cut me some slack. I spotted there giant piano and immediately sat at the bench and rattled off whatever notes came to mind which were the first five notes of fur Elise the Beethoven and the national anthem...I had the whole house helping me to figure out the rest of the notes to fur Elise but the whole time I'm sooo overwhelmed with the idea of the tree I couldn't focus as soon as I got home I turned my iPad on to the virtual piano and figured out the rest of the notes easily... For those of you who don't know I play the flute soo it's not like im some musically talented mastermind I can read notes I just have Noo clue where they are on the piano. I somehow managed to figure it out and I was satisfied and I just completely passed out right after.

Now I'm off to pretend that everything's okay and that I didn't wish everything about my home life was different...but never telling anyone sooo till next time

-blog ya later

A fake out?!

OMG shadow is tooo good...

soooo awhile ago i was doing this thing where i get all close like im about to kiss him and i look away and hes like O.O but awhile ago in the morning he did it to me....and boy he got me good...i was thinking bout it all day long...i just wanted him all day...all of him I guess I never knew how much it made me want him until I went home and I'm like :O did that just happen? it was ironic cause I didn't know how it felt until that moment when it went from just a kiss to a moment much more taken away so quickly I couldn't even see it coming....I guess this will be a short post but I just had to write it...

-blog ya later!

Oh really?!??!

Im in school again...i have a cold soo i cant take medicine for my migranes only for the cold....sooo my head is killing me im dizzy and if i sneeze one more time im 25% sure ill explode... and the medicine i take for my colds makes me really loopy and crazy but it does calm my nerves sooo im more open too new things not too uptight...
Anyways someone in my class was reading some of the poems from awhile ago and he says that they are all from a female prespective....and i was like sooo im a girl! sooo he bet me i couldn't write one that rhymed from a male perspective....CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!
soooo this is off the top of my loopy head! so here it goes:

succlent thighs, bright eyes, oh how those hips will lead to my demise.
She never lies and theres no second chance no second tries...if she cries the whole world dies... for the loss of the most wise.... for her i save my marital ties... <3

Soooo ha! i know its all sappy and crappy (i am good at ryhming) and i guy would probably never say this but its from a male perspective... it was easier then my normal poems to write because the words were easy to ryhme and it sounds sorta like a chris brown baby come back tribute to rihanna....(ha i made a funny!) either way i did it no matter how crappy it is....and i did it while im sick soo i deserve props for the effort!
sooo uhhh....byee
(blog post #101)
-blog ya later!

Long time No Blog...

Hey guys sorry i know i haven't written anything in awhile but i hope everyone had a great turkey weekend and black friday....i know i did!I got the ipad2! on Black fridayin the mall....i am soooo happy about that my thanksgiving is sort of a bluri remember loading my plate with food and then waking up face first in my mashed potatoes!...(joking of course) but i got to see my dads side of the family i missed them sooo much and my younger brother....i went to the mall down by my grandmas house....i am in loooveeee with this mall it has all of my favorite stores!...im not going to rant about my mall trip because no one really cares about that...anyways uhhh after buying my ipad i got back home and my friends came over for a not-so-party party! it was bunches of fun...but my mom flipped because we left a mess and in the morning i went back down to the mall by grandma leaving the mess...i went and bought this really pretty red christmas earrings for my mom but all hell broke lose when i got back home...she flipped out over the mess and yelled at me for spending MY money when i went shopping with my dad instead of waiting to use it only when we go shopping of with my friends....sounds crazy right! well fastfoward a couple of minutes im crying shes yelling and cursing me out in certain terms not legal for me to say on the internet and i just sat and listened...i hadnt told her that yes while i brought myself earrings and a shirt i got her earrings too....i just let her ramble....when she finished i handed her the bag and said merry christmas and walked away... she came up to my room later still visibly shaken but refused my gift...i was sooo ofended i didnt even say anything to her that whole day but i left the earrings on her dresser because although she will never admit it i knew she wanted them...because they are sooo adorable! Besides that that thanksgiving/blackfriday break was amazing and i had fun seeing my friends and shadow of course! AND BY THE WAY THIS IS MY HUNDRETH POST ON MY BLOGG!!!!! WHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! THIS IS SUCH AN ACCOMPLISHMENT THIS BLOG HAS BEEN THROUGH IT ALL WITH ME THROUGH THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE UGLY TIMES BUT I KNOW I CAN WRITE ANYTHING HERE AND NOT BE AFRAID...BECAUSE ANYONE WHO READS THIS DOESN'T KNOW ME...BESIDES A COUPLE OF PEOPLE THAT I FULLY TRUST!
-blog ya Later

IN SCHOOL!!

Shadow has been bugging me allllll week about how i made the whole world upset becausee i didnt post on my blog...im pretty sure he is probably the only who reads this and if you are someone else besides him and bubbles why thank you for taking soooo much concern in my fabulous life!
Im not sure what im going to write soo ill just write whatever comes to mind....
ummmmm remember i told you i got a pickle on a stick on Halloween (if not im telling you now)
well i went back yesturday and actually bought more.... i think i might be addicted.... anyways Shadow says i eat them all "special" i personally think i eat it just like everyone else...
speaking of shadow he has decided its fun to tickle me whenever he sees me....as you know i am a very ticklish person sooo if he ends up injured its not my fault he was warned...
ohhhhh yeaaa this weeked i finally saw my father i had not seen him in like a month he moved in with my Grandma to help her because they just moved back into this housethey had when me and my cousins "jarina" and "Jayel" were young...
my grandma and grandpa are very heavy smokers sooo when i stayed the night i thought my lungs were going to shrivle up and break off! i had tons of fun reminiscing with my cousins about way back when...the drive to where my grandma lives takes FOREVERRRRR!!! but its soooo worth it! while i was up therre i saw this little indian shop that sells sorries...i knowwww i speeled that wrong leave me alone! and i really want to get one because they look sooo stunning...
my cousins and i went to the mall over there a new mall for me...IT WAS AMAZING! it had all of my favorite stores!
this is the part where this post is gonna get all girly soo u might wanna scroll past this little section...
they had 2cute a clothing store, Joyce leslie, hottopic, and this really awesome store where they can take a black shirt or hat or hoodie etc... and write whatever you want on itt! i went into this dress shop and i was joking around about this dress i have my dreaming about called Jovani 7709! its soooo hot and sexy and beautiful the lady behinde the desk heard me and she pulled the dress out right there in front of me! i was in heaven i told her about my dark ages....aka the years i did paegents when i was younger sure it was fun but too much hairstyling and gliter and make up i just couldnt handle all of it...we had long conversations about how she met Sherri hill and Jovani and all of my favorite designers i was having a ball!!! but my cousins were kinda bored soo i decided we should goo chill out in brookstone because they always have the massage chairs in the front that you can sit in! so im sitting there at the front of the store watching people walk past as i see a group of guys walk past my younger cousin Jayel points one out practically screaming HE'S CUTE! i was like yeah sure....she has been trying to set me up with soooo many random peopl knowing i am dating Shadow but i keep turning them down because i know they only want one thing and i dont really care aboout any other guys at this point...i mean yea we can be friends but thats about it...so if your ok with that then fine!
anyways he looks over and Jayels face flushes red and points over at me and im like yea sure whatever i said it because i know she would have died of embarrasment if they knew she said it...so he creepily winks at me and flashes me this condoom in his pocket! creepy right then he signals for me to come over! i told him i wasn't going over to him because i was getting a massage but he kept walking past the store and staring at me like the creeper he is and i was on the phone with shadow as all of this is happening we end up leaving but not before Jayel bought something crazy!! something i would never even think of buying! she bought a vibrator....like WTH mann!!! what was she even planning to do with it...well i mean i know what its for but she is my younger cousin! i could not believe she even had the urge to explore that sort of thing...probablyt because i dont feel that urge or need to explore that...i dont know i guess i just kinda assume everyone is as innocent as i like to think of myself...
whatever like i really dont wanna go into details about that soo we get back and of course we talked about it later leading into this really funny conversation about...well you know...if you dont think about what the conversation has to lead to when someone buys a vibrator!
sooo because i am a completely open person ill ask anyone ANYTHING if i really wanna know soo i end up messaging Shadow about all these crazy things like outta blue...he answered and he wasnt freaked out or anything but of course he was wondering what inspiried these questions.... so i told him the story and what not....
and that was pretty much it for my weekend besides an AMAZING terpsys practice which ill explain in anotherr post because my fingers are going to fall off...
ohhhh wait before i go..... i just realized something...and correct me if i am wrong shadow but the ONLY reason you really want me to write soo badly is because i dont talk about myself like that...well its because it feels like whining or boasting or complaining and i hate when people are all about themselves like that! and on my blog its pretty much only about whats going on in my life...because what else would i write about...maybe i should write about something else...hmmm... theres a squirel outside my classroom window and it looks like it has rabies....well in comparison that was pretty dull to the stuff i usually write soo il work on a new topic for my blog!!!! so till thenn...
-Blog ya later!

i cried when i read this...

I found this random story on my computer saved on to a microsoft doc. as drunk drivers.... i was just going through all the old stuff when i found this i read this i don't remmeber why i wrote it or if it was from school or where the inspiration even came from but i did cry after i read (or well technically reread) this...

I was walking around in a Big Bazar store making shopping, when I sawa Cashier talking to a boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 yearsold..... TheCashier said, 'I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buythis doll. Then the little boy turned to me and asked: ''Uncle, areyou sure I don't have enough money?''I counted his cash and replied: ''You know that you don't have enoughmoney to buy the doll, my dear.'' The little boy was still holding thedoll in his hand.Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to givethis doll to. 'It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted somuch . I wanted to Gift her for her BIRTHDAY.I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to mysister when she goes there.' His eyes were so sad while saying this.'My Sister has gone to be with God.. Daddy says that Mommy is going tosee God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll withher to give it to my sister...''My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said: 'Itold daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until Icome back from the mall.' Then he showed me a very nice photo of himwhere he was laughing. He then told me 'I want mommy to take mypicture with her so my sister won't forget me.' 'I love my mommy and Iwish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to goto be with my little sister.' Then he looked again at the doll withsad eyes, very quietly..I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. 'Suppose we checkagain, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?'''OK' he said, 'I hope I do have enough.' I added some of my money tohis with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enoughfor the doll and even some spare money.The little boy said: 'Thank you God for giving me enough money!'Then he looked at me and added, 'I asked last night before I went tosleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, sothat mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!'' 'I also wantedto have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn'tdare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the dolland a white rose. My mommy loves white roses.'I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when Istarted. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind. Then Iremembered a localnews paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in atruck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl. Thelittle girl died right away, and the mother was left in a criticalstate. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on thelife-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able torecover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy?Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young woman had passed away.. I couldn't stop myself asI bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home wherethe body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and makelast wishes before her burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding abeautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy andthe doll placed over her chest. I left the place, teary-eyed, feelingthat my life had been changed for ever...The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister isstill, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, adrunk driver had taken all this away from him.

How Zarrah helped me out?!

ok i know everyone is flipping out like how in the sam hell did Shadpws ex ever help you with anyting?? well heres the story...


last year he was dating her i saw them together and i realized how good he was and how horrible she was in return he just kept giving her second chances no matter what she did and he always forgave her...


so i learned he forgives easily and he would be a quality boyfriend...


and it sort of killed me that he sat on the complete opposite side of the room as me in every class when he could easily move closer...but ever snce i was younger i kinda had this theory that if a guy wants to talk to you...he will...so i let him be. i figured he never moved for one of two reasons 1. he had too much respect for Zarrah and could not bring himself to talk to other females...


2. he did not want to speak to me...just cause


well because everyone else in the class sorta sat around me and were in talking distance but noooo he was on the complete opposite side of the room in the back!!!
his friend was into me...like really really into me and he probably would have had more of a chance if he was not so easy...i like a challenge or someone i really have to figure out but his friend kinda just threw himself at me in hopes of love...but metaphorically i just stepped aside and let him fall so i could sneak a glance and shadow!
Zarrah is that girl that everyone seems to hang around like people just gravitate to her and are automatically her friend but no one truly knows who she really truly is. i wondered what it was about her that made everyone take to her so easily but everytime i saw her i knew Shadow was not to far behindde and thats all that really mattered...
one day i saw the pain across shadows face and i usually do not get involved with rumors and what people assume to be true but it was the only explanation for why he looked so down...i became close to him through giving him advice on how to keep Zarrah...inside i wanted him to myself but i also wanted him to be happy...for whatever reason because anyone else could have been equally as hurt and i would not have felt the need to take it upon myself to help him or her...but he was like one of those rescue the animals commercials that make you tear up and you feel guilty if you change the channel...
so to be honest Zarrah is the reason i really truly felt the need to invest more time and attention in shdaow in although i kinda do not want to believe she is as heartless as everone says but hey... the world is full of surprises...
so to this i say thank you Zarrah for being such a two timing heartless hoe that doesn't know a good man when she see's one...you really helped me out...
-Blog ya later!


p.s. i still have nothing against her but you no...dont mess with shadow!

only in my dreams...

Recently i have had dreams about things going on in my life....its like everything i love in my life with a negative spin on it :( like my friends shadow my mom and my dad.
ok i didnt want to speak about the shadow dream because i woke up freaking out but bottling it up probably is not a good idea...
so here goes... i was in English and during this period i know shadow has lunch during this time...he usually walks by the door and i come out and say hi and go back in...so i see him outside the door and im abou to go out but then i see zarrah (his ex) she seems angry or sad at something or someone she looks like she is crying and yelling at him...of course i think shes just bitching about something then he just kisses her out of nowhere... i was not mad at all and i sure as hell wasn't going to run away...so i slowly opened the door and he sees me...his face flushes red and zarah looks at him and says its ok you can tell her. now im freaking out...and i seem to have no control over what i was doing or saying in the dream its like i was just watching it happen...
so he tells me we need to talk and we start walking and these are his exact words "there is no easy way to say this so im just going to say it...i don't feel the same way i did about you last year. i think we should break up"
fighting tears i asked him if he loved her and he said i never stopped loving her but you did help me realize that....
at this point im fully broken down inside i felt like i was getting hot like i wanted to kick her face in and that i could never trust anyone ever again...but on the outside i was completely calm and i looked deep into his eyes and i saw he wasn't lying i put my hand on his shoulder and said i hope you are sure because once im gone i will not be back and when she breaks your heart i cannot say i will be there for you...i would say we can be friends but im not sure i can trust you or even think of you the same...i hugged him and walked away crying he called after me but i couldnt go back to him back in class i could not even pick my head up i wanted to scream and throw a fit and i felt like there was a hole in my heart and a lump in my throat preventing me from speaking.
and thats where i woke up and had no idea what i should feel or think or do so i acted like it wasn't sorta killing me inside...i saw him later that morning and i felt better but i knew i still felt kinda strange...
so i went to see him wednesday and we went on a like unofficial double date with tim and his new girl "Tammy"
after having"the upper hand" i felt pretty accomplished especially since it was our 100th day!
But yesturday i had another dream it was almost the same...
Shadow called me out of class this time and told me he wanted to break up because i was causing him too much stress or something like that...but this time i had control of my actions so im freaking out but i stop myself im fully crying and telling him your not real....your not real i kept saying it over and over again... shadow just keot looking at me like i was crazy telling me he was real and we were over...
this is where it became sorta like a sci fi movie...my hand started glowing this bright red color and it feels as hot as the sun. as im screaming your not real i rest my hand over his heart and i sawsome sort of light shine through his chest and he looked confused as if he didnt know where he was or why i was crying...he looked into my eyes and then just hugged me and i felt relieved like everything that happened before just melted away... i woke up happy and smiley and crazy as usual and now i am no longer worried about anything almost like my dream corrected itself after i saw shadow for our 100th! im going now sooo...
-Blog ya later!

In school again

im done with all the soul searching for now i feel like ive been complaining...alot...so lets talk about something that would probably be wayy more appealing to other readers! like you remember i told you about "tim" and "amber" the couple that broke up..either way i go to shadows class during my lunch period because he has theatre and the teacher is awesome! Amber is in that class...i feel soo bad because everytime we are together i see in her eyes that she is hurting..although she doesn't want to admit it and she says she is over tim...I could not help but try to at least not be too "couple-like" in front of her but shadow is just soo darn irresitable...band class is awkward because i sit between Tim and Amber but they are like i guessed both talking to me but not really to each other! so its weird and when they try to talk to each other its just weird....i feel soooo bad for her because it seems like he never actually loved her in the first place...
i had a dream the other day that the same thing happened to me and shadow... it was so realistic. i woke up feeling sorta depressed i didnt know whether i should laugh or cry...i felt sick too my stomach but then i saw him later in school and felt sooo relieved...i never ever want to ever have that dream ever again let alone live it soo thats why i sorta feel for Amber...
if i learned anything from my great grandma before she died its that most dreams mean something....she had a book that interpreted dreams and she was from the islands she had all these natural herbs and stuff like remedys and she always had the answer for every problem....i do wish she was alive i have a few questions for her. and i wonder what ever happened to that book and what it would say bout my dream! i know im just crazy for wanting to know but who could blame me for being curious...that book taught me sooo much about myself and other people i learned about the mind and things i would not know about people otherwise...anyway class is about to end so till later
-blog ya later :)

extremely me...part two!

ummm...shadow told me too finish....or else so here ya goo!


uhhh what did i forget??


Threatened:


i feel threatened when i don't know what is going on around me or what people are about to do. i feel threatened easily because i hear everything...soo when people are sneaking up on me i hear it and kinda spaz a little....and especially if i didnt hear you comming up and you just grab me i will probably try to attack you! lol when i feel threatened my eyes are opened a little bit wider and my breathing pattern is way off!

lust:

l feel lustful most whenshadow is being "mean" to mee i try to hide it cause i guess i feel guilty because i feel good...imma weirdo. you can tell by looking at me because im biting my lip or im not making any sense or i look away alot!

not sure what else to write soo..... til next time
-blog ya later

extremely me...

uhh well lately i've been doing some inner discovery kind of experiments and i find it interesting...have you ever stopped yourself you know like when your really really upset and truly truly happy and asked why do i feel this way or why do i feel the urge to do that? well i have... i started doing this because learning about other people was becoming somewhat difficult without truly knowing myself. so i challenged myself that everytime i felt really happy or sad or angry of lustful or jealous or whatever the emotion i would stop and basically examine my own self.
when i am really happy:
it was because everyone around me is happy and i get this really goofy smile that doesn't fade...or i am around shadow. having some sort of bonding time with the family...aceing a test. mastering something in dance class. you can always tell when i am really happy because i smile for no reason and im always trying to keep people laughing.
When I am jealous:
i don't really get jealous truly...i know a lot of girls say that and people think they are lying but i always think whats there to be jealous for? if i see someone with something i really want instead of getting jealous i thikn well that person must have done something to earn or deserve it good for them. or girls even flirting with shadow two reasons i will never truly be jealous 1.) i take it as a compliment that he is a really hot guy and other girls wish they had him and 2.) he is really bad at picking up on when people like him or are ttrying to flirt with him he is truly just being friendly. i do joke around alot when other girls are around him i give them little looks but im just messing around... honestly he could come to me and be like that girl over there is really pretty or give some other girl a hug i wont feel insecure because at the end of the day i trust he is comming back to me!
When i am sad:
sometimes when i have time to myself and im alone trapped in my room i think about the thinngs that have happened in my life that aren't so great. like my parents divorcing or my great grandfather dying or passing out and freaking out my classmates...the strange thing is i tend to tear up but i will never fully cry i kind of just smile through it because i hate when people see you crying and ask questions that truly dont make you feel even worse. i find that i am the best at hiding this emotion...unless you truly know me...i act differently when i am sad like i am trying to hide something (which i am). i hate complaining about my life because i know there is someone somewhere who has it even worse...if you were looking at me and i am sad (trying to hide it) you would probably notice i take longer time blinking i look down alot i will say something funny then the smile will fade quickly and i wont really be listening to what your saying no eye contact for more than 5 seconds....
When i am mad:
hmmm... when i am mad i act like everything is fine and it doesn't bug me at all...people when i was younger made fun of me but it made me the person i am today...but i would not really say i am the person who would full out freak on someone because they make a snobby comment. there is the one girl who i wont even give a name she doesn't tease me but she is always commenting on whatever i do in a rude way she has been doing since like 6th grade and i do wonder what i ever did to make her feel that way toward me. of course i do feel like just screaming at her sometimes but i hold back and refuse to give her that hold over me... if you were looking at me and i am mad you would see that my teeth are clenched even if i am smiling and i keep looking away as if i do not want to be bothered.
When i am sick:
because i am just a medical mystery people know i faint and ive got issues with head aches and dizziness and all kinds of crazy stuff...but i dont like causing a scene i just wish i could fly under the radar when i am being rushed to the hospital... this is why i know the people who do care about me stress themselves out asking if i am ok and worry aboutme...and they don't understand whats wrong so theycannot help...i feel like i drama queen complaining... so i just don't i would rather just ignore it then let someone know that i can't even see two feet infront of me or the headache i have is so bad i can't hear see or think straight. if your are looking at me when i am sick you would probably notice that i have a look on my face like i am going to throw up but i keep holding it back i kinda squint a little and hold my hand to my temple and i give one worded answers i won't look at you for too long because i dont want anyone to know. i might look a little teary eyed and blink alot but that would be normal for someone who is having a migrane i guess...P.S. even writing this section i kinda feel like i am complaining and i should erase it!
when i am in love:
I never want to be away from that person and love hearing their voice. when i am in love i feel the need to know everything...i need to know the life story what you like and don't like what makes you happy. and i sometimes just find myself just looking for no apparent reason i gess just to look at that person thinking about him.i know i know really sappy stuff but whatever you could have stop reading by now... i feel like it is my job to know how you are feeling and what you need.just by looking i am able to tell your mood or even guess what your thinking about.i feel like i need to understand the things you are into as well even if i suck at it (like video games). if you are looking at me and i am in love you would notice i keep smiling and laughing even if for no reason i coulld spend a whole day with you and not even have to say a word...i will be the first person to say i love you...
To be continued...because i feel self centered writing this and that now everyone will know what i am thinking and they will try to mess with my head...yeahhh i am talking to you shadow!!
-Blog ya later!

15 minute in school post...

ALRIGHT! i only have 15 minutes to write this post before the period ends...
I didnt have school from monday to thursday because of the bad snow we got and our school is weird! today is friday and we are only going to have one day before the weekend...im ok with that but my sleeping pattern is all off now!
anywaysss recently about ten people sent me the video to some justin bieber video of him rapping... ignored it for a long time then finally i just decided to watch it! sooo its him freestyling to otis and i gotta admit i didnt explode when i watched it! but seriously it wasn't all bad! so i decided if Justin Bieber can rap then i can rap! sooo i am currently writing a rap and i will post it here eventually...dont laugh at me specially since iits gonna be soo amazing rainbows are gonna pour outta your ears when you hear it! period almost ending...so ill be rapping to the instrumental of otis and i refuse to make a fool of myself so it will be amazing or i won't post it! either way i need you all to know that I AM NOT A RAPPER! so don't even take this seriously because i know i have no chance as a rapper! Im gonna try my hardest to make it rhyme or at least be in time...or whatever but now the periods gonna end so im leaving now byeeeeee :)
-blog ya later!

Snow in october=no school on halloween

I haven't written in a bit possibly because i did not have power for two days but mostly i was battleing writers block and a bad case of boredum!!! anyways as most people know halloween was on a monday but because the sky decided it did not want us to go to school on such an awesome day! i went trick or treating on cedar street (changed street name) with shadow, nisa and my friend ummm.. trina(fake name). it seems like halloween came and went sooo quickly!! as most people know scare crows freak me out because ican almost swear there is a person inside one waiting to attack me! so i tried to skip as many houses with scare crows as possible! But to no avail since shadow made it his personal goal to get me up to the door of one of these houses....i held my ground until he started being "mean" too me :p
of course im freaking out inside but i held it in said my trick or treats got my candy then got the hell outta there!either way i was pochontas shadow was a boxer/mugger person thingy....nisa was a bad school girl a costume she got from me!
going to cut this post short cause i don't know what else to write sooo..
-blog ya later

In school post...

Im in class as i write this... cause i am that cool any ways im not exactly sure what i am going to write so this is gonna kinda be like whatever comes into my head!
okok well i have shadows phone right now and i love messing with it and putting stuff on it thinking bout recording a ringtone and setting it for when i call :) but i gotta go somewhere no one will hear me! im such a doof! anways i find it relieving that not even once have i had the urge to go through his messages like a crazy obsessed girlfriend!! *Pat on the back* either way he made this "list" thing of something but he won't show me or tell me what it is...i know its in his pocket right now and im comming up with a rescue plan as i write this... as soon as he told he wasn't going to tell me what it was i kinda sorta slightly went a little insane (in a good way) surprises are good and fun...but i am a very curious person so as you could imagine i bogged my brain trying to figure out what was on it and what it said... last period he showed me the paper i could see that it was typed but it was too fast for me to read anything on it...plus it was folded! i know he enjoys taunting me because i love doing the same to him but little does he know that i've got a few tricks of my own under my sleeve. ive learned alot about him over the past couple of months and whenever i am with him i just can't even imagine how we came so far...from being strangers at a party to forbiden "flirters" in class to admitted lust of one another to full relationship. i wrote a couple of things on his phone you know just bragging about how awesome he is...(which i do alot) and he possibly will never find them >:) mwahahahahaaa!
either way i am running out of things to write but i am going to push past this writers block! ummm...well you see.... uhhh...OH!
Shadow has a blog of his own which he doesn't post on as religiously as i do but he does write every once in awhile. i dont know maybe blogging is more of a me thing but it feels great to be completely anonymous and being able to say whatever i freaking want to! lets see whats something people don't know ummm...
"Zarah" (shadows ex) has been talking to me more and more often...not sure what to make of her intentions...or why it happend so suddenly once i began dating shadow but she can't say anythingg that would even change my opinion of shadow or our relationship...sure we can be friends but don't expect me to act as if you have never done anything to hurt him. i saw the pain on his face i know what you did...your not innocent in this world. but again i have nothing against you because it would be wrong of me to resent you for something that you did not do to me.
Oh! whats this....oh i took shadows vaselinee by accident!! mmmmm cherry :) how sexy!
either way enough about that what else is going on in my life...everything else seems pretty dull in comparison to the shadow related aspects of my life!but then again i am back into my serious dance mojo now...terpsys (a school dance organization thats been around for 41 years) has begun i went to the audition yesturday...it was loads of fun! we stretched and went across the floor and learned a very fast paced difficult combination to some song i have never heard in my life! but it was exilereating i love dancing soo much like if something were to happen and i was no longer able to dance i would go insane! dancing saves me it keeps me sane shows my emotions, and lets me be free from earthly inhabitants (which is just my weird way of saying staying away from people i don't like)
AND SHADOW WANTS TO GIVE DANCE ENSEMBLE A TRY! he really is trying to be more connected to the sides of me that others could care less about which i do appreciate! but I am in no way shape or form forcing him to do this he came up with it all on his own!all of his efforts begs me to be more into things he likes (ex: videogames and smosh and sprayable cheese)
I suck at video games which i admit i don't really have many video games to practice with at home i have wii sports but you see that doesn't help you with anything that doesn't have a motion controller! and shadow has the Xbox soooo...either way there is this one game i love to play MORTAL KOMBAT DC UNIVERSE! i love it because you can play as any character and fight another character! i normally play as Kitana (because he doesn't have Mileena) shes a cool character she has like rasor fans and shes all buff and a good fighter... but the little outfit they have her in is kinda weird...but i know shadow would love it if i was her for halloween...reasons i wont/cant:

1. you have to order online which i dont have a credit card to do


2. i can't wear it too school because it shows too much skin


3. my mom will never let me wear that if she saw it


4. its october its too cold out to wear nothing!

speaking of halloween its comming up soon! pretty phsyced about it i have two costumes i will wear because i could not decide which one i wanted to be...one for school (more school appropriate) and one for trick or treat (more shadow appropriate). ive already thought up next years costume im thinking either a little red riding hood or the mad hatter orr....this super cute cat in the hat thing...i know it sounds like it would be ugly and huge and unattractive but its really cute...and hard to explain :) thank goodness for partycity!

time to wrap up this post cause im rambling now soo til next time!

-Blog ya later :D

What guys don't know

‎45 THINGS A GIRL WANT, BUT WON'T ASK FOR:1. Touch her waist.2. Actually talk to her.3. Share secrets with her.... ...4. Give her your jacket.5. Kiss her slowly.Are you remembering this?6. Hug her.7. Hold her.8. Laugh with her.9. Invite her somewhere.10. Hangout with her and your friends together.KEEP READING ..11. Smile with her.12. Take pictures with her.13. Pull her onto your lap.14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back.15. When her friends say “I love her more than you”, deny it. Fight back and hug her tight so she can’t get to her friends. It makes her feel loved.Are you thinking of someone?16. Always hug her and say I love you whenever you see her.17. Kiss her unexpectedly.18. Hug her from behind around the waist.19. Tell her she’s beautiful.20. Tell her the way you feel about her.One last thing you need to do to show her you actually do mean it.21. Open doors for her, walk her to her car - it makes her feel protected, plus it never hurts to act like a gentleman.22. Tell her she’s your everything - only if you mean it.23. If it seems like there is something wrong, ask her - if she denies something being wrong, it means SHE DOESN’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT - so just hug her.24. Make her feel loved.25. Kiss her in front of OTHER girls you know!WE MIGHT DENY IT BUT WE ACTUALLY LIKE AND KINDA WANT YOU TO TICKLE US ..26. Don’t lie to her.27. DON’T cheat on her.28. Take her ANYWHERE she wants.29. Text message or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at school, and how much you miss her.30. Be there for her whenever she needs you, and even when she doesn’t need you, just be there so she’ll know that she can always count on you.ARE YOU STILL READING THIS? YOU BETTER, BECAUSE IT’S IMPORTANT.31. Hold her close when she’s cold so she can hold you too.32. When you are alone hold her close and kiss her.33. Kiss her on the cheek; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her).34. While in the movies, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her lightly.35. Don’t ever tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you’re mad. If she’s upset, comfort her.REMEMBER ALL THESE THINGS WHEN YOU ARE WITH HER NEXT ..36. When people diss her, stand up for her.37. Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her.38. Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you.39. When walking next to each other grab her hand.40. When you hug her, hold her in your arms as long as possible.MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS SHES LOVED.41. Call or text her at night to wish her sweet dreams.42. Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears.43. Take her for long walks at night.44. Always remind her how much you love her.

NIsaa's post :)

Worst day of school...ever:
ok hey guys this is "nisa" (fake name)....writing on lexis blog just for the heck of it... i felt like ranting about my day at school so here it goess...have you ever got punched i the stomach??
well i have today in school by my friend jose fake name just for his respect....so as soon as i got out of math i had recess...anyway when i got outside i went to talk to my friend...so her guy who is her friend came and lots of other people..so my friend jose came and we were play fightin...so when i stopped playin with him he came following me and he punched me in my stomach....my stomach started burning and it made me feel like i was going to throw up...when i went to tell jose that i felt like that he started pokin me in my stomach....i told him that didnt help at all...he was like ooo im soo sorry...so after that he just followed me the whole recess and lunch period...i got so iratated i did not get why he kept on following me....well anyway im hap that he is my friend because im new to the school i go to...other than thati had a good day

A game of questions ;)

70 questions:

1. Full name: ummm.... this is thw world wide web i cannot disclose that information at this time...


2. Nickname: lexi, alle, Aj, Jackie, jack, sexi, jojo, lexila( courtesy of my younger bro who cant say my name yet)


3. Zodiac sign: Aquarious


4. Elementary school:Whitter


5. Tall or short: just right


6. Sweats or jeans:Jeans


7. oranges or apples: green apples


8. do you have a crush on someone: Shadow


9. eat or drink: Drink


10. piercings: in ears ....want to pierce my belly button


11. pepsi or coke: pepsi

Have you ever:

1. Been in an airplane: many times


2. been in a relationship: yea


3. been in a car accident: not amajor one


4. been in a fist fight: no

Firsts and Lasts:

1. first piercing: ears


2. first best friend: cant tell real names so waht the point...


3. First award: most trust worthy and leadership


4. first love: no real names


5. first words: hey girls, nanab (banana),no!


6. last person you talked to in person: Shadow


7. last person you texted:Shadow


8. last friend you watched a movie with: You guessed it... shadow


9. last food you ate: rigatoni with meat sauce with assorted shredded cheeses....yumm


10. last movie you watched in the theaters: Captain america


11. last song you listened to: My humps black eyed peas


12. last thing you bought: Barbecue chips

Favorites:

1. food: seafood (crab legs, shrimp, calamri, lobster, cod fish)


2. drink: Pina colada, long island ice tea, smirnoff


3. flower: Lotus, black roses, babys breath


4. animal: Jaguar


5. color: Purple, gold, red


6. place: In the park


7. movie: Avatar, inception, Easy A


8. subject: English


9. song:hmmm... what ever i can dance to

Have you ever.....

1. fallen in love with someone: i'd like you to meet shadow


2. celebrated halloween: yeaa going to soon actually


3. went over phone minutes: more than once :/


4. wanted to smack someone: not for real


5. eaten a whole pizza by yourself: never


6. did something you regret: yup


7. broke a promise: never


8. hid a secret: it was a surprise party i think it wasn't bad for me to


9. pretend to be happy: alot actually

In the future....

1. want kids?how many: yes two one boy (who is older) and a female


2. marriage: eventually


3. career: dancer lawyer in space

which is better on the opposite gender...

1. lips or eyes: lips


2. shorter or taller: taller


3. romantic or spontaneous: spontaneous


4. hook up or relationship: relationship


5. looks or personality: personality

Have you ever...

1. lost glasses/contacts: yeaaa


2. snuck out: not successfully


3. held a gun/knife in defense: no


4. broke someones heart: possibly


5. been in love: yes


6. been arrested: funny story...

Do you believe in...

1. yourself: of course


2. miracles: let me introduce youto shadow


3. love at first sight: have you met shadow?


4. santa:no...but don't tell my parents that!


5. forever and always:of course

Truthfully...

1. someone you wish you were with now: where is shadow


2. something your afraid of: bugs, feet, heights


3. something you always wanted to ask: why are lesbians attractive to guys(THEY DON'T WANT YOU)


4. something you want to try: sky diving (on my bucket list)


5. things you say all the time:Okie dokie, enlighten me, interesting, i sowey, oopsy daisy

PARTAYYY!

ok i can explain why i didnt blog all weekend... i was pretty busy i went to shadows house on friday then again on saturday to meet his family! and sunday i went to my best (gay) friends birthday party ill explain what happened...
meeting shadows family was sooo awesome... my mom made a big deal outta wearing something special to impress them but i figure every time theysee me i won't look all fancy so its better they meet and like me for who i am now! which i guess was wrong since shadow thinks skirts are sexy!his uncle answered the door first exclaiming their was no shadow that lived at that address but being and cool as i am i told him well he lived here yesturday and about two seconds ago because i was jsut talking to him. i met two aunts and the most adorable little kids ever...the younger son could barely speak or thats what i thought till i realized he was danish... i couldn't tell if he was speaking that language or gibberish! Shadow and i mostly left the adults to their own conversation as we messed around taking videos and pictures on his fathers ipad! it was hilarious!we played video games and watched parts of the new fred movie...
anways on to the party:
so i arrive and i immediatley see a room full of girls... and food. more and more people show upand ironically enough "Zarah" (shadows ex girlfriend) walks in with "Tara"
personnally i have nooo issues with Zarah and ironically enough when she walks in she hugs me first instead of the birthday boy!
i quickly realize zarah and i are the ONLY straight people at the party....which wasn't as awkward as i thought it would be. but for the first hour i decided to hold up the wall in fear of losing my cool and full out dancing my butt off... so im swaying to the beat and i end up sitting down eventually when Zarah decides she wanted to sit on me! which of course brought her whole crew and their conversation over to where i was...then Tara sits on her and the birthday boy sits on her and were all just kinda stackked on each other! so i retreat back to my spot on the wall now my songg is on so im kinda grinding with the wall when Zarah comes over and starts grinding with me!!! still not awkward... then Tara tries to push me off the wall and we are all botty bumping each other for the wall spot then the birthday boy grinds on Zarah...trying to get in the party mood i challenged the birthday to a nicki off which if you dont know is when you rap the words of romans revenge in the face of the other person and try to "out rap them" once it got to the eminem part another girl tookmy spot rapping...this go tthe party started if you ask me
we all circle to the back of the house to his old swing set which is probably made for three year olds...we played truth or dare. "jalopy" was dared to lick the trash can which he did i was dared to act like a dude ironic since im the only straight one right!either way i walk around the whole house pants saggin hat backward straight g status...and come back birthday boy dared himself to give Jalopy a lap dance which he tried but Jalopy (who is bi) refused! he ended up giving one to Tara.
either way the strangest part was Zarah seemed to be sorta clinging to me throughout the party not being mean or rude or anything just there having normal conversations...she even invited me to her halloween party.she told me about some girl who was at the party who was flirting with her now current boyfriend...i was getting that "shes a hoe vibe" from the girl anyway. not because i was jealous but what she was wearing and how she was dancing just didnt help her case.i end up sitting on a couch with Zarah Tara and two other girls (who happend to be lesbians) Zarah on top of Tara and the other two girls sitting on one another. i was the only one sitting without a "partner" (thank god) they were giving lap dances and i couldtell Tara and the other girl were very satisfied by how red the faces were and how they were biting their lips and pulling their hair like they were being (sexually) tortured. everyone was kinda partnered off...
Zarah pretended to not notice the satifaction all over Taras face which leads me to believe Tara has a crush on Zarah who is not a lesbian but she has not told her about her attraction yet. I suppose Zarah suspects Taras crush on her by now but in order to keep the friendship from ending awkwardly she pretends not to notice....but yet she still gives tara lap dances and teases her... (poor thing)...
they told me i would be at least bi if not a lesbian by the time i left....i have never been sooo sure i like males in my whole life!
after i got home i was exhausted but i had homework to do then i had my ritual nigtly phone call with Shadow... i have sooo much fun being "evil" to him (in a good way)
i read this thing to him from cosmopolitan the most X rated magazine in history....i had him in the palm of my hand...then he had to go :( just my luck i wanted to see how far i could get him over the phone...not even sure why!
anyway i gotta make up for the days i missed so im gonna wrap this post up...
-blog ya later!

strangely me...

Ok i guess i am kinda likeing making all these lists... so heres a list of all the weird crazy spontaneous things i have done...

• Skipping while singing the national anthem through england! (this tops the list)


• cartwheeling throught the mall with only a bathing suit on...(it was a dare)


• buying a Hobo an orange (because i am awesome like that)


• Hid in a tree then scared my mom...


• walked through an open house...bernieing!! (youtube thing)


• learning all the words to some french song


• cursing my friend out in chinese


• convincing the crossing gaurd to buy me a cookie


• dancing on the table in the food court in the mall...


• walking into target with a mask on...(it wasn't halloween...i got questioned)


• punching a scare crow in the face (in my defense i wasn't expecting it to be a real person in there)


• calling the chinese food place back when they forgot to give me fortune cookie and forcing them to come back with 8!


• prank calling a radio station (what a contradiction)


• taking a basketball from someone at the park and challenging them to a one on one (i lost)


• trying to beat myself at chess...(very difficult i am a good oponent)


• learning the first 25 books of the bible


• refusing to speak for a week (it was second grade... a long sad story)


• walking to the park in the middle of the school day


• pretending to be a wax figure in the wax musem and scaring some girl...(best day ever)


• walking through the spy museum backwards convincing people i was deep undercover


• taking a quiz in invisible ink (i still got credit)


• putting a glowstick in a mountain dew bottle and sprinkling it on people telling then the power of christ compells you


• stealing a mini nail polish from deliahs (i was like six and in my defense it was purple...and i got to keep it after so ha)


• dressing as a male for halloween!


• putting foil on my teeth and pretending they were grills for a day


• putting love notes in my crushes locker (sixth grade)


• spraying my mom hair with die while she slept she doesn't know today!


• convincing some kid i was a vampire...it was a trick mirror and a fake picture of the room i was already in with out me standing there.


• conducting home experiments my hand was blue for a month!


• memorizing the preamble for a test and to impress some guy


• learning all the stats for a football team (once again for some guy)


• making a "flying machine (it was a paper kite)


• saying macbeth before a theater performance (only thater people know what i mean)


• staying in the apple store alll day (black friday 7 am-11pm) i made a new friend behinde there too


• having a mini unofficial flashmob down the streets in englewood.


• sneaking into a sweet sixteen (my mom works at a hotel soo i had the hook up)


• drinking soda and eating pop rocks...at the same time (when i was younger i thought it would eat through my tongue)


• laying down in the middle of the street watching the street light change (it was like midnight)


• sending a friend a pizza with m&ms on it that spelled happy birthday (anonomsly....on a day that wasn't her birthday)


• dropping mentos in my soda in the middle of a hallway...it got kinda messy


• planking on the escalator in the mall


• painting my dads nails pink!


• tricking my friend into believing i was sooo D1 at this video game...it was a video of someone else playing! (april fools)


• taking a college class for no reason (i just walked into BCC and sat down)


• instead of taking the bus too school i went to new york


• wearing light brown contacts convincing my teacher they were my real i color


• ordering chicken in a vegan restaurant


• going to a gay bar in the village


• learning the alphabet in german to win a bet


• trying to like justin bieber (hardest thing ever)


• screaming over the annoucments... i just picked up the phone thing and chose some classroom and screamed)


• going over the annoucments and telling my friend she had early dismissal


• we left to get pizza that day


• sitting on Abe Lincolns foot! His momument


• pelvis thrusting with the naked cow boy!


• starting a fist pump in the game stop


• sneaking up to the projection booth in the movies and making finger puppets on the screen...( everyone thought they were crazy)


• buying 20 spicy beef jerkies for a bet


• wearing a bald cap to school!


• accidentally wearing my bra outside my shirt


• meeting biggie smalls mother...shes cool


• unplugging my grandmother's internet because she was asking to many questions about her computer...


• dancing on a mat in harlem for money in competition with the guy who was already there we shard 50% of the profitt


• learning how to read palms...and eyes


• unwrapping a starburst in my mouth


• writing this list on my blog for the world to see


• pretending to be a mime for a day...everyone was sooo confused


• breaking some kids arm in karate class (sorry kid)


• breaking wood with my bare hands in karate class (now you see why i broke the kids arm so easily)


• playing rain roulett knowing a hurricane was comming...getting a monster cold later


• playing mrs.pac man all day at the movies (missing my movie) and getting the high score


• seeing a cokie frog in peutro rico and screaming in my defense i did not know they were that rare to see!


• an iguana was a stow away in my luggage when i left peutro rico i found it when we got on the cruise ship...we had to flush him :(


• watching fear factor live...it was nasty


• going to a nude beach seeing to many old naked people! (scarred for life)

Thats all i can think of at the moment... so till next time

-blog ya later!

frustrated love...

Hey chikas,
Well i guess the best advice i could give is make a move!
75% of guys would rather you make the first move. And just how we get butterflies so do they its fine be bold! flirt a little...guys love it!flirting is a great way to get to know someone and understand their personality. just don't go too far to quickly and lead him on! it's all about body language...find an excuse to keep the conversation going and interesting (a game off 21 questions about you or would you rather or never have i ever).DO NOT i repeat DO NOT let the conversation get dry and boring or he will think your boring and try to avoid you.A simple hey what's up is usually a good way to start a conversation then just pack the conversation with questions! guys think we only like to talk and not to listen to whats happening in there lives. ask what they are interested in maybe your into that sort of thing to.
BEST WAY TO GET ON HIS GOOD SIDE:
sports
television shows
video games
Show you know something about these topics or ask him to explain certain things to you. and who his favorite player and team is. he can talk for hours! if you know nothing about sports and video games the internet is always a good source of info...fake it til you make it! look up the quater back of his favorite team and keep the conversation going based on his teams stats! Television shows are a great topic and sometimes you might find something you will like to watch with him!
If you don't know him at all...heres what you do its called the bump and flatter... you "accidentally" bump into him (not while he has a drink in his hand) and then say something like im sorry imma total clutz around cute guys! he will be totally flattered and if he is diggin you he will keep the conversation going.
another tactic is the "accidentally on purpose" you text him soo what are you going to do the weekend after he responds you say sorry that was ment for someone else but say if hes interested he can go with you somewhere!
Don't get clinggy and over excited it makes you look desperate... which isn't what we are going for we want it to seem like you have your options open and he's not number one. flirt tip use your eyes! you can enchant him and have him totally hooked all in the way you look at him! the final flirt tip is to use "the voice" that im so interested in what your saying and your soooo funny voice...keep your tone even and throw in giggles whenever he says something funny and excuse to flash him a smile is a good thing. Use other languages like french and spanish to be mysterious. he'll go nuts wondering what you were saying and never forgetting how you said it. even if you don't speak that language there is always google translate and rosetta stone!
these are the only things you need to do to keep him interested...just keep him guessing stay on the mysterious side! guys are used to being able to figure girls out give him the different personalities of you. the flirt the dork the nerd the mysterious one the sporty girl, party chic etc...
another way to keep it mysterious is to change up your style once in a while wear something no one will dare wearing! bring back old fashions and try out new ones like a tie, arm socks, or paint your nails really cool and funky so it will catch his eye and he will have to comment!
thats all for now for bye gurls...
xoxo
-loveguru

love advice...giving it a shot!

hey guys,
this is the best advice you will get i promise you...only 3 words: FEMALES ARE SIMPLE!
every guy says we are soo complicated and mess with your heads...i won't lie we do mess with your head.
but thats because you force us to, you probably would'nt tell the truth otherwise(girl logic).
All of you think we want you to be is perfect and practically be a walking checklist...NOT TRUE
you don't need to be a prince or underwear model hot. only thing you really need is to be spontaneous!
DO NOT i repeat DO NOT procrastinate if you like a girl. it only drives you and her insane! wondering if the other person likes you. if shes flirting back chances are if you were to ask her out maybe to something cute and simple like the movies or the park she will say yes.AND IT IS PERFECTLY FINE TO BE SHY! we like it...we think its adorable!... unless your annoying with it in which case you might wanna practice a little first.and if your used to getting every girl you want put that out of your head now... you will end up clueless when one girl does not like you. on another note if you take my advice and begin dating promise me you will not cheat. sure u might get away with it at first but there is always a way for her to find out. just like in the movies you won't get away with it trust me! and the way you crush her heart she will do ten times worse when she dumps you. if you really liked her you wouldn't have fallen for someone else so don't convince yourself your inlove with two people
TOP THREE WAYS TO TELL IF SHE'S INTERESTED:
Shes always looking in your direction and pretends shes not when you look over
her friends will give off hints that they know she likes you
she will try to have your attention at all times.
SHE NOT INTO YOU IF:
she constantly tells you i don't like you (most guys think we are playing hard to get when truthfully we just don't like you)
she will ignore you and just walk away during your conversation
she will avoid having long conversations
BEST WAY TO KNOW IF SHE DOES LIKE YOU:
just ask her
ask her friends
or if your shy pass her a note odds are she'll think its adorable that your so spontaneous and thats all we need to be truly swept off our feet.
RELATIONSHIP DON'Ts:
don't break up with her impersonally (by: text/email, friend,napkin)
don't suffocate her she needs time with her friends
don't pretend to listen because later you will regret it just tell her hold on i need to do something or write down what she says or record the call..or something
DO NOT FORGET HER BIRTHDAY OR YOUR ANNIVERSARY!
FIRST DATE IDEAS:
movies
park
indoor picnic*
party
FIRST DATE DON'Ts:
restaraunt(because she will probably stick you with the bill)
walking(if you run out of things to talk about its awkward)
too much physical activity(your less atractive when your very sweaty and sticky and stinky)

Why i love shadow...

Alright i know all of you are cursing me out because i did not truley finish my last post but it needs to be put on hold for this.... i racked my brain for awhile to figure out what to write today and now i know...
well earlier out of pure curiosity i asked for shadows facebook password...there was slight hesitation...but he did even say no... and he did not ask for mine. Im not a crazy girlfriend i promise i wasn't going to creep all over his page and accuse him of cheating or anything like that... actually if he had said no i would have been perfectly fine with it...anyways i told him all of this and he was like well i have nothing to hide go on it if you want to...so i went on just to really talk to some random people cause i do weird stuff like that....anyways so i decide lets see who he has messaged...ironically enough about 3 months ago i reconnected with a girl from my old dance competitions she added me and many other people on my friends list including shadow. she used to HATE me why because i would sort of end up winning against her in the competitions so she stole my boyfriend of a looooonnnggg time ago....either way i see that she was messaging shadow telling him he is cute and whatever (which he is not cute he is sexy) anyways they sort of end up talking about me and shes like ohh i know her we used to compete and crap...he wasn't telling her anything that made me nervous or insecure i totally trust him. more than i should people tell me! he could talk about other girls and i won't even give it a second thought. either way it makes me sorta frustrated to see this particular girl lying to shadow and telling him we were the best of friends and pushing up on my guy...(and once again i trust that nothing would happen ever) but the fact that i know what she is doing and she has (successfully) done it before.
BUt for some strange reason reading all of that made me love him even more...
now here comes the suuuuppperrrr complicated part....so while Eugene(ex senior bf) and i were dating they used to dislike each other. i told eugene he should make more of an effort you know because i did not want them to hate each other. they had conversations regularly...which i did not know until today....Eugene really did not trust me or him he was always asking Shadow if he liked me...of course out of respect he lied and said no which i found outlater in the conversation. Shadow later admits for having feeling for me to Eugene and he appologizes many many times for feeling this way (which gave me this crazy butterfly feeling in my tummy)
Eugene out of trying to make ammends tell shadow that he is allowed to tell me his feelings..
rewind to my point of view of this story....i was on the phone with Eugene when he told me he kknew who liked me but refused to tell...i wrote the post on facebook Shadow answered unknowing that i wanted advice on how to make Eugene tell me that my secret admirer was him! Shadow for the first couple of minutes tells me that the person will reveal himself in time but he probably wants to be respectful of the current realationship i was in....i did know at the time but if i did it would have been sooooo cute knowing how respectful he was being...then Eugene told him to admite his feelings for me...
And now things got complicated me being the crazy person i am i did not believe him at first then he assured me he wasn't lying. I was practically jumping around my room... but i felt guilty for being excited because aftter all i was still in a relationship (that was falling apart). we spoke for maybe ten more minutes before he asked me out...me not even thinking i said yes... Eugene finds out and flips out...
Reading the conversation he had with Shadow it almost seems like Eugene was out for Shadows blood... he was practically threatening him and Shadow was feeling like the biggest douche bag in history...but in his defense he did believe that he had Eugenes permisson to ask me out.
And reading and rereading how Shadow was appologizing and Eugene continued to get even more and more mad only made me think who is actually at fault here?
Okokokok i know im making it seem like shadow is a saint and Eugene is just a horrible terrible person... but the truth is Eugene never trusted me but he did truly love me and for that i am truly grateful he was there when others weren't he listened to and helped me with my problems and all around he was a good respectable boyfriend.... and shadow i dont have to even write how much good he has done for me... its like he saved me...from myself like i was putting myself down and he was the only one who could pick me back up again. But the fact is he never did ask Eugene for permission to ask me out or even if we were still dating...but the fact that he recognized what he did wrong and tried to fix it was fine enough for me...
and here we are three months and 17 days into a relationship and i could not possibly be any happier... I love him very much ... forever and always *08/02/2011*

Just because...

well lately shadow (my boyfriend if you don't already know) and I have been having "the talk" and noooo not like that awkward talk with your parents about STD's and where babies really come from... but the talk is where in a relationship you are perfectly fine with saying or asking anything without getting all blushy and awkward. we talk about everything and nothing all at once. It really is a breath of fresh air to knoww what is actually going through his mind...instead of playing that guessing game...we are now on a slightly more physical level now i think which most couples struggle to get to...but you see with my whole face reading mind powers i could tell what i had to do and when.(don't ask) But here comes the super tell all crazy secrets that normally are kept on the DL but since no one i know really reads this besides people i trust and random strangers who get bored and decide to creep on this random girls blog i think i will be fine :)
BUt for right now i gotta go to band rehersal....so hold that thought!
I'm back...so where was i...oh yeaa i was being all dramatic and what not, well im going to tell you guys something pretty personal my first unofficial and first official kiss...
my first unofficial kiss was in first grade with a kid named "Davie" (security reasons keep me from putting real names up). I came from a private kindergarden so i knew no one in first grade... he was the first person i met and we were playing with the legos he got stingy and took some of mine and i threw one at him and he was like ohhh snap this girls fiesty i like her....fast foward like 4 months into school we are about as serious as first graders could get like we were on that sharing juice boxing and crackers kinda level (which is a pretty big deal). when finally i asked him to be my friend who is a boy....meaning boy friend he blushed and then said yes later that day in recess... i told him to make it official he had to propose... so a week later he saved up all his quaters and bought me a ring.... you know the kind i mean a ringpop!!! and he slid it on my finger and kissed my cheek and said now we are friends of each other who are girls and boys...which meant we are dating...
i broke up with him in thrid grade cause we were getting a little too serious you know what i mean he was alll lets play in the sand AND HOLD HANDS... imm like what kinda girl do you think i am....im not a ore (which meant whore) you can boss around...i blame television for my bad language!
and my 1 sort of official kiss was with this guy maybe two or three summers ago... i knew just about as much you could know about a person in three days. for security purposes lets call himm..."Tom" he was cute but i wasnt the girl who was all easy to get to i was all mysterious and what not...anyways he did this thing where he would look me in the eye and say i am 50 now you come 50 (which is a line from hitch starring will smith) it meant he wanted me to kiss him...i pretended i had no clue what he was talking about cause i was pretty nervous i mean he was a year older and i had only known him for like maybe a week now... either way i guess i got tired of waited for me to participate my 50% so he looked at me and said forget it illl come 100% for you... he kissed me and this was unlike anything i had ever experienced before...i could quite understand it...then the unthinkable happened...we went from kissing to french kissing...me being as unexperienced as i was i tried to make it seem like i knew...but after awhile i pulled away. he looked confused as if it had never happened to him before exspecially not someone younger than him. well he came back for more seeing as now i guess his pride was on the line... so thinking back to all the sappy romantic comedys i had watched in my life i copied what i saw... and i guess i was pretty good at it...he pulled away later and his face was all red i could not have possibly prepare myself for what happened next...two things happened which put me into some sort of shocked state
1) he asked if i believed in abstenince...which i immediatly without questioning or thinking it over in my mind said yes i believe to people should be in love before engaging in such deep relationship milestones!
2) i asked why he was red and he told me he could never tell me because it was to embarassing so he stood up and there it was...the first time without their being some sort of hilarious sexual pun delivered by some famous person in a movie...he was...dare i say "aroused" (for the less advance people he was hard...as a rock)
i know this is just as awkward for me to write as it is for you to read because the moment was actually just as it seems... i was frozen unable to move unable to process anything when i got up kissed his cheek and whispered and for the young girl i am i know what i am doing...i threw him a pillow and confidently walked out....i could feel him staring me down as i left him all alone to deal with his male issues...ironically it took it a long time to come out of the room but whatever he was actually doing in there we can leave up to your imagination.
And now for the first partially official first kiss story this is about a person that you all should know...he is the senior i told you about earlier.... now writing this i am already regrettting telling the story because i KNOW shadow will be reading this soon and he personally hates this senior...
well i had invited the seniorwho i am going to call ummm..."eugene" because i am an evil person and its not exactly the mnost attractive anme out there...sorry to all the eugenes out there reading this!!! welll either way Eugene had come over to my house only once before and this time i had invited him and other seniors (cause i was a pimp...not really) to my house for a movie day cause my mom would never let that happen at night with a bunch of seniors...it endedup happening in my ohh to girly purple room cause the TV downstairs didnt work and i could just send everyone home. it was awkward sitting next to him cause he was all stiff next to me and everyone had kinda forced us to sit next to each other on the bed...(sorry shadow) either way his twin sister was at the door and everyone was going down to greet her when he stopped me and pulled me back i knew even before i looked at him what this meant... he leaned in but me being the confident person i am i just rested my forehead on his and looked into his eyes for a second....he looked kinda desperate to kiss me at the moment so i finally just kissed him...it wasn't long because everyone was comming back upstairs...and it was weird because even though i wasn't the most experienced person ever i knew he had been outta practice!....well this is gotta be finished later cause i got a butt load of homework to do!

Trainwreck of love...

Okay this is the third post of the day and by far the most urgent one! soo for respect of my friends i am not going to tell you their real names... so my friend "amber" and "Tim" have been dating for awhile and its cool cause their in band and me and my boyfriend in band and out of privacy on here i will be calling him... Shadow (because its all mysterious and sexy sounding) either way tim broke up with amber today...his reason:
"she has been getting on his nerves and i kinda like someone else"... which because i truly know the phsycological meaning behind this statment what he MEANT was... because i like someone else i make up silly things to get mad at Amber about so i can break up with her. Well either way it got me thinking that certain people seem one way and end up being a totally different person... which in turn makes what i am about to write clearly hypthetical...
But if i were in Ambers shoes i am not too sure if i would have let Tim get off the hook so easily...not without talking his ear off and finding out the true reason... you see because tim did not really try to help their relationship he kinda just gave up on it when things got rough which seems like a sign to me...and secondly i would need to know what (or whom) brought on this "sudden change of heart."
then my mind wandered into a corner that i will never reopen after i write this... shadow (see how sexy that sounds) and Tim are friends what if shadow were to reinforce this "sudden change of heart movement"...like what if what happened to tim and amber had happened to me and shadow (still sexy). not because i doubt the strength of our relationship but because i am only human and seein how quickly things went down hill for Amber...theres a perfectly good reason for any normal person to take a step back and look at their own relationship.
Either way i have this thing where i refuse for things to be awkward between me and any of my exes so i always find away to get closure which brings me to how Amber will get her closure,
and shadow's(i made it bold because its sexy!) past relationship troubles...
and this is the love advice person comming out of me but it was never a healthy relationship to begin with if you don't have the balls (or lady balls) to get yourself some closure....
closure comes in many forms such as getting or giving back articles of clothing...or simply talking over what went wrong. and option number two is for the more gutsy kinds of people... people who never get closure seem to never forgive the ex and hold grudges towards them which are completely unnessecary...
if you cannot walk into the same room as your ex and think something postive towards them or nothing at all then you my friend need closure because face it its not like you are never going to see each other again. without getting closure there might always be an underlying feeling or emotion towards that ex that though you refuse to admit it will remind you of the things you have been trying to deal with all along on your own. owning up to your mistakes is the hardest thing to do in my opinion...but recently i had a heart to heart with my ex who is in college... he told me he still had feelings for me which is perfectly normal because after webroke up we had not talked or seen each other... things were kinda awkward at first but we disscussed what went wrong and why things are the way they are now...and thats how we both got closure.

I believed Tim and Amber were the "cute couple" let me explain what i mean by the "cute couple" that couple looks happy and they are cute together and everyone remarks on the cute awesomeness as a couple but they actually do not communicate the right way. This leads to a boring relationship... and "the break." the break is that unintentional innocent break in the feelings or emotions toward their signifigant other... and that one break can cause feelings for someone else...
as you can probably tell these people are my good friends and because i have them both for band in the same section and i know not everyone thinks like me i know they won't get the proper closure so it will be pretty awkward for all of us next band class...

More about me...

PART 2:

• my mom says i sleep with one eye open... i doubt it


• i overthink things wayyy to much


• i am my happiest when the people around me are happy


• i get pretty gassed when someone notices something new with me like my nails hairs...something i dont even care


• i have been dancing since i was three years old and i don't plan on stopping...EVER


• from dancing i have become pretty flexible


• i used to participate in dancing competitions


• recently a girl from my competitions caught up with me


• she told me that she thought my boyfriend was cute


• she always was quite the little boyfriend stealer...


• but i trust him so i doubt anything will happen


• these bullet points are starting to sound like sentences


• to get my attention people call me Mrs. O'Reilly...and it works :p


• i hate being at home...


• my house is boring theres never anything to do...


• my boyfriend wants to come over to my house but there would be mothing to do there anyways...plus his house is soooo much more fun :D


• i have one sibling he lives in maryland with his mom he is 4 now and i love him very much


• i didnt know i had a brother til he was almost one years old


• its ironic that my brothers name is Alex...


• theres this girl who has been antagonizing me since 6th grade...i already told my mom that if she gets a call one day from my principal that there was a good cause...


• and no that was not a threat im just tired of hearing her voice...


• I have a strange taste in music one moment i am listening to classical then head banging rock the hip hop, r&b, pop andthe old songs that everyone (should) know.


• i write some really depressing things.... not thst i am depressed but thats where all my inspiration is... everyone around me never truly seems happy and thats what i write about...


• i took alot of the old posts off from my blog because they kinda brought up some memories from dark places in my mind


• i think its rude not to say something when people cough but i don't know what to say...


• i do not consider myself American in my eyes i am British...


• i have a really over protective uncle to lives in North Carolina...who owns a legal gun... and i am afraid to let him meet my boyfriend...


• i don't think he will hurt him just put "the fear of god" in him!


• i am more religious then most people know


• my father is a baptist christian and my mother is a Jehovas Witness


• i used to sit in a tree at my old house and do my homework...


• i have a little rambunctious puppy named nala


• i wish i knew more about the things my boyfriend was into because half of the time i have no clue what gamer language he is speaking!


• i am willing to give anykind of music a try


• people assume things about me which normally aren't true...


• assumptions lead to wrong desicions i believe


• i dance around my room making up fantasies about random bursts of hot tango dances with my boyfriend


• my boyfriend refuses to dance...anyone can dance


• i am not shy...at all last year i walked around asking guys (some i didnt even know) questions i probably should know until i am married


• i used to wear contacts but i started getting too much male attention then i could handle


• i play the flute but in my head i am the best drummer


• my video game skills are not up to par :/ but im going to fix that


• i used to have braces


• i have an obsession with being different... i refused to get the sidekick phone because too many people had it


• i wear a choker around my neck and i have had it on since 1st grade... i never take it off because when i did bad things started happening (i dislocated my knee, tripped up the stairs, relationship issues)


• i am scary good at hiding my emotions... because if im hiding it then it means i don't want to talk about it...


• I recently have been hanging out with different people...


• my mom is sort of trying this new thing where i have more freedom, i personally believe its an amazing parenting move


• i have tried to sneak out once but i chickened out cause imma punk :3


• when i am old enough to drive i will never be home :p


• sagging is disgusting and unattractive...i don't want to see the sponggebob bokers you have have on for the past three weeks


• when i am angry i am either quietly cursing you out in my head or talking with a british accent and if i am truly mad i may have this sort of jamacain accent.


• my family believes i am an empath (look it up)


• i am a horrible liar...


• it makes some people nervous when i look them in the eye...not sure why


• I apparently make people nervous....again not sure why because i try to be a friendly as possible to everyone


• if i were to say half the things i am thinking people would think i was crazyy


• i was a premature baby... and i had jaundice (i am fine now)


• i think its cute when people actually write me letters :) like real letters that are sent in the mail it means sooo much more :D

emotional attack...

Alright im in school as i right this post its 6th period im in computer apps...
i feel like there is a pressure in my head and the room is spinning and writing this is very difficult. I lost my voice for most of last period and its kinda shaky now but i really hope i don't pass out because i know there is no one home right now and both of my parents are at work...i took a cab to school today... either way my boyfriend is just the sweetes thing ever :) he looked over at me and its almost like he could tell something was not right...i don't want to tell him this but i do not for a fact for only a couple of seconds i believe i was passed out...let me tell you why because there is a gap in my memory of what the teacher was saying and what was going on around me... i don't want to freak him out or anything because i know it is a scary thing to see... i could see out of the corner of my eye every couple of second he would look over just to see if i was ok...reminds me of last year when he was having relationship issues. Anyway i have lunch next maybe if i eat i will feel better. As of right now i am praying i get through the rest of today because personally i am not sure if i can make it...but if anything happens one more time on school time and property i will be homeschooled i haven't told anyone this yet. there is nooo way i can be homeschooled because my mom is never home and the last time i saw my dad i was strapped to a gourney on my way to the hospital...(long story) besides that i haven't seen him in over a month...i miss him alot it seems almost like we are drifting apart which brings me to april...
in april i am going with my father to france and possibly Italy for three weeks just me and him...i am really excited to go but i know i will get homesick and miss my boyfriend...i would have asked if he could come but things like that never exactly work out in my favor.
I realize this post is kinda dragging on about stuff no one even cares about so let me write something positive....
hmmmmm... uhhhh...ummmmm... well you see....uhhhh......
theres a demented squirrel outside the window in front of me and its staring at me....o.O its kinda making me nervous but the window is closed (thank god) urghhhhhh and earlier this month someone...not naming any names. put her foot right next to my face knowing i HATE feet... they freak me out sooo much. they look like mutant hands...
on another note my teacher just showed us his new iphone4s its sooo amazingg!!! he asked it if he needed an umbrella and it showed him the wheather forecast and then he asked how old micheal jordan is and it told him 48 and 8 months! how crazyyy is that!!! then he scanned the barcode on his water bottle and it told him it was a mineral water and how much it costs...let me just say its pretty overpriced!ummm im running out of things to write soo this is the part where i wrap up my post with a clever witty remark...i got nothing...soo for now
Ill blog ya later

I did it...

SO i gave my boyfriend the URL to my site... feeling like i should have reread the stuff i used to write on here...because it was really depressing and what not thank god i didnt put the when the world turns black on here...he would probably get so freaked out...well now he knows everything.....he has the information to destroy me but....what is love but giving someone the power to destroy you but trusting them not to... i know some of you are thinking shes crazy i would never have done that but i do truly love and trust him. and i have a ton of more things to put up on here.
kinda nervous but i refuse to censor myself i will always be just as real as i have always been since fifth grade :) a little nervous but excited all in one :D

just a little something...

U Make Me
You make me laugh when I want to cry,Make me live when I want to die,Make me smile when I want to frown,You turn my life upside down.Believe in me when no one else doesYou’re my now, my is, my was.When you call my name I begin to blush,I’m afraid people notice I need you so much.When I’m with you time flies by fast.It’s like the present is the past.I need you more than you can believe,Love you more than you can conceive.Think about you every night and dayAnd hope my life can stay this wayI don’t want it to be any other way.