Shadow has been bugging me allllll week about how i made the whole world upset becausee i didnt post on my blog...im pretty sure he is probably the only who reads this and if you are someone else besides him and bubbles why thank you for taking soooo much concern in my fabulous life!
Im not sure what im going to write soo ill just write whatever comes to mind....
ummmmm remember i told you i got a pickle on a stick on Halloween (if not im telling you now)
well i went back yesturday and actually bought more.... i think i might be addicted.... anyways Shadow says i eat them all "special" i personally think i eat it just like everyone else...
speaking of shadow he has decided its fun to tickle me whenever he sees me....as you know i am a very ticklish person sooo if he ends up injured its not my fault he was warned...
ohhhhh yeaaa this weeked i finally saw my father i had not seen him in like a month he moved in with my Grandma to help her because they just moved back into this housethey had when me and my cousins "jarina" and "Jayel" were young...
my grandma and grandpa are very heavy smokers sooo when i stayed the night i thought my lungs were going to shrivle up and break off! i had tons of fun reminiscing with my cousins about way back when...the drive to where my grandma lives takes FOREVERRRRR!!! but its soooo worth it! while i was up therre i saw this little indian shop that sells sorries...i knowwww i speeled that wrong leave me alone! and i really want to get one because they look sooo stunning...
my cousins and i went to the mall over there a new mall for me...IT WAS AMAZING! it had all of my favorite stores!
this is the part where this post is gonna get all girly soo u might wanna scroll past this little section...
they had 2cute a clothing store, Joyce leslie, hottopic, and this really awesome store where they can take a black shirt or hat or hoodie etc... and write whatever you want on itt! i went into this dress shop and i was joking around about this dress i have my dreaming about called Jovani 7709! its soooo hot and sexy and beautiful the lady behinde the desk heard me and she pulled the dress out right there in front of me! i was in heaven i told her about my dark ages....aka the years i did paegents when i was younger sure it was fun but too much hairstyling and gliter and make up i just couldnt handle all of it...we had long conversations about how she met Sherri hill and Jovani and all of my favorite designers i was having a ball!!! but my cousins were kinda bored soo i decided we should goo chill out in brookstone because they always have the massage chairs in the front that you can sit in! so im sitting there at the front of the store watching people walk past as i see a group of guys walk past my younger cousin Jayel points one out practically screaming HE'S CUTE! i was like yeah sure....she has been trying to set me up with soooo many random peopl knowing i am dating Shadow but i keep turning them down because i know they only want one thing and i dont really care aboout any other guys at this point...i mean yea we can be friends but thats about it...so if your ok with that then fine!
anyways he looks over and Jayels face flushes red and points over at me and im like yea sure whatever i said it because i know she would have died of embarrasment if they knew she said it...so he creepily winks at me and flashes me this condoom in his pocket! creepy right then he signals for me to come over! i told him i wasn't going over to him because i was getting a massage but he kept walking past the store and staring at me like the creeper he is and i was on the phone with shadow as all of this is happening we end up leaving but not before Jayel bought something crazy!! something i would never even think of buying! she bought a vibrator....like WTH mann!!! what was she even planning to do with it...well i mean i know what its for but she is my younger cousin! i could not believe she even had the urge to explore that sort of thing...probablyt because i dont feel that urge or need to explore that...i dont know i guess i just kinda assume everyone is as innocent as i like to think of myself...
whatever like i really dont wanna go into details about that soo we get back and of course we talked about it later leading into this really funny conversation about...well you know...if you dont think about what the conversation has to lead to when someone buys a vibrator!
sooo because i am a completely open person ill ask anyone ANYTHING if i really wanna know soo i end up messaging Shadow about all these crazy things like outta blue...he answered and he wasnt freaked out or anything but of course he was wondering what inspiried these questions.... so i told him the story and what not....
and that was pretty much it for my weekend besides an AMAZING terpsys practice which ill explain in anotherr post because my fingers are going to fall off...
ohhhh wait before i go..... i just realized something...and correct me if i am wrong shadow but the ONLY reason you really want me to write soo badly is because i dont talk about myself like that...well its because it feels like whining or boasting or complaining and i hate when people are all about themselves like that! and on my blog its pretty much only about whats going on in my life...because what else would i write about...maybe i should write about something else...hmmm... theres a squirel outside my classroom window and it looks like it has rabies....well in comparison that was pretty dull to the stuff i usually write soo il work on a new topic for my blog!!!! so till thenn...
-Blog ya later!
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
i cried when i read this...
I found this random story on my computer saved on to a microsoft doc. as drunk drivers.... i was just going through all the old stuff when i found this i read this i don't remmeber why i wrote it or if it was from school or where the inspiration even came from but i did cry after i read (or well technically reread) this...
I was walking around in a Big Bazar store making shopping, when I sawa Cashier talking to a boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 yearsold..... TheCashier said, 'I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buythis doll. Then the little boy turned to me and asked: ''Uncle, areyou sure I don't have enough money?''I counted his cash and replied: ''You know that you don't have enoughmoney to buy the doll, my dear.'' The little boy was still holding thedoll in his hand.Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to givethis doll to. 'It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted somuch . I wanted to Gift her for her BIRTHDAY.I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to mysister when she goes there.' His eyes were so sad while saying this.'My Sister has gone to be with God.. Daddy says that Mommy is going tosee God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll withher to give it to my sister...''My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said: 'Itold daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until Icome back from the mall.' Then he showed me a very nice photo of himwhere he was laughing. He then told me 'I want mommy to take mypicture with her so my sister won't forget me.' 'I love my mommy and Iwish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to goto be with my little sister.' Then he looked again at the doll withsad eyes, very quietly..I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. 'Suppose we checkagain, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?'''OK' he said, 'I hope I do have enough.' I added some of my money tohis with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enoughfor the doll and even some spare money.The little boy said: 'Thank you God for giving me enough money!'Then he looked at me and added, 'I asked last night before I went tosleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, sothat mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!'' 'I also wantedto have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn'tdare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the dolland a white rose. My mommy loves white roses.'I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when Istarted. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind. Then Iremembered a localnews paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in atruck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl. Thelittle girl died right away, and the mother was left in a criticalstate. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on thelife-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able torecover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy?Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young woman had passed away.. I couldn't stop myself asI bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home wherethe body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and makelast wishes before her burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding abeautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy andthe doll placed over her chest. I left the place, teary-eyed, feelingthat my life had been changed for ever...The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister isstill, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, adrunk driver had taken all this away from him.
I was walking around in a Big Bazar store making shopping, when I sawa Cashier talking to a boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 yearsold..... TheCashier said, 'I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buythis doll. Then the little boy turned to me and asked: ''Uncle, areyou sure I don't have enough money?''I counted his cash and replied: ''You know that you don't have enoughmoney to buy the doll, my dear.'' The little boy was still holding thedoll in his hand.Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to givethis doll to. 'It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted somuch . I wanted to Gift her for her BIRTHDAY.I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to mysister when she goes there.' His eyes were so sad while saying this.'My Sister has gone to be with God.. Daddy says that Mommy is going tosee God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll withher to give it to my sister...''My heart nearly stopped. The little boy looked up at me and said: 'Itold daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until Icome back from the mall.' Then he showed me a very nice photo of himwhere he was laughing. He then told me 'I want mommy to take mypicture with her so my sister won't forget me.' 'I love my mommy and Iwish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to goto be with my little sister.' Then he looked again at the doll withsad eyes, very quietly..I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. 'Suppose we checkagain, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?'''OK' he said, 'I hope I do have enough.' I added some of my money tohis with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enoughfor the doll and even some spare money.The little boy said: 'Thank you God for giving me enough money!'Then he looked at me and added, 'I asked last night before I went tosleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, sothat mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!'' 'I also wantedto have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn'tdare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the dolland a white rose. My mommy loves white roses.'I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when Istarted. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind. Then Iremembered a localnews paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in atruck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl. Thelittle girl died right away, and the mother was left in a criticalstate. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on thelife-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able torecover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy?Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young woman had passed away.. I couldn't stop myself asI bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home wherethe body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and makelast wishes before her burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding abeautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy andthe doll placed over her chest. I left the place, teary-eyed, feelingthat my life had been changed for ever...The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister isstill, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, adrunk driver had taken all this away from him.
Monday, November 14, 2011
How Zarrah helped me out?!
ok i know everyone is flipping out like how in the sam hell did Shadpws ex ever help you with anyting?? well heres the story...
last year he was dating her i saw them together and i realized how good he was and how horrible she was in return he just kept giving her second chances no matter what she did and he always forgave her...
so i learned he forgives easily and he would be a quality boyfriend...
and it sort of killed me that he sat on the complete opposite side of the room as me in every class when he could easily move closer...but ever snce i was younger i kinda had this theory that if a guy wants to talk to you...he will...so i let him be. i figured he never moved for one of two reasons 1. he had too much respect for Zarrah and could not bring himself to talk to other females...
2. he did not want to speak to me...just cause
well because everyone else in the class sorta sat around me and were in talking distance but noooo he was on the complete opposite side of the room in the back!!!
his friend was into me...like really really into me and he probably would have had more of a chance if he was not so easy...i like a challenge or someone i really have to figure out but his friend kinda just threw himself at me in hopes of love...but metaphorically i just stepped aside and let him fall so i could sneak a glance and shadow!
Zarrah is that girl that everyone seems to hang around like people just gravitate to her and are automatically her friend but no one truly knows who she really truly is. i wondered what it was about her that made everyone take to her so easily but everytime i saw her i knew Shadow was not to far behindde and thats all that really mattered...
one day i saw the pain across shadows face and i usually do not get involved with rumors and what people assume to be true but it was the only explanation for why he looked so down...i became close to him through giving him advice on how to keep Zarrah...inside i wanted him to myself but i also wanted him to be happy...for whatever reason because anyone else could have been equally as hurt and i would not have felt the need to take it upon myself to help him or her...but he was like one of those rescue the animals commercials that make you tear up and you feel guilty if you change the channel...
so to be honest Zarrah is the reason i really truly felt the need to invest more time and attention in shdaow in although i kinda do not want to believe she is as heartless as everone says but hey... the world is full of surprises...
so to this i say thank you Zarrah for being such a two timing heartless hoe that doesn't know a good man when she see's one...you really helped me out...
-Blog ya later!
p.s. i still have nothing against her but you no...dont mess with shadow!
last year he was dating her i saw them together and i realized how good he was and how horrible she was in return he just kept giving her second chances no matter what she did and he always forgave her...
so i learned he forgives easily and he would be a quality boyfriend...
and it sort of killed me that he sat on the complete opposite side of the room as me in every class when he could easily move closer...but ever snce i was younger i kinda had this theory that if a guy wants to talk to you...he will...so i let him be. i figured he never moved for one of two reasons 1. he had too much respect for Zarrah and could not bring himself to talk to other females...
2. he did not want to speak to me...just cause
well because everyone else in the class sorta sat around me and were in talking distance but noooo he was on the complete opposite side of the room in the back!!!
his friend was into me...like really really into me and he probably would have had more of a chance if he was not so easy...i like a challenge or someone i really have to figure out but his friend kinda just threw himself at me in hopes of love...but metaphorically i just stepped aside and let him fall so i could sneak a glance and shadow!
Zarrah is that girl that everyone seems to hang around like people just gravitate to her and are automatically her friend but no one truly knows who she really truly is. i wondered what it was about her that made everyone take to her so easily but everytime i saw her i knew Shadow was not to far behindde and thats all that really mattered...
one day i saw the pain across shadows face and i usually do not get involved with rumors and what people assume to be true but it was the only explanation for why he looked so down...i became close to him through giving him advice on how to keep Zarrah...inside i wanted him to myself but i also wanted him to be happy...for whatever reason because anyone else could have been equally as hurt and i would not have felt the need to take it upon myself to help him or her...but he was like one of those rescue the animals commercials that make you tear up and you feel guilty if you change the channel...
so to be honest Zarrah is the reason i really truly felt the need to invest more time and attention in shdaow in although i kinda do not want to believe she is as heartless as everone says but hey... the world is full of surprises...
so to this i say thank you Zarrah for being such a two timing heartless hoe that doesn't know a good man when she see's one...you really helped me out...
-Blog ya later!
p.s. i still have nothing against her but you no...dont mess with shadow!
Thursday, November 10, 2011
only in my dreams...
Recently i have had dreams about things going on in my life....its like everything i love in my life with a negative spin on it :( like my friends shadow my mom and my dad.
ok i didnt want to speak about the shadow dream because i woke up freaking out but bottling it up probably is not a good idea...
so here goes... i was in English and during this period i know shadow has lunch during this time...he usually walks by the door and i come out and say hi and go back in...so i see him outside the door and im abou to go out but then i see zarrah (his ex) she seems angry or sad at something or someone she looks like she is crying and yelling at him...of course i think shes just bitching about something then he just kisses her out of nowhere... i was not mad at all and i sure as hell wasn't going to run away...so i slowly opened the door and he sees me...his face flushes red and zarah looks at him and says its ok you can tell her. now im freaking out...and i seem to have no control over what i was doing or saying in the dream its like i was just watching it happen...
so he tells me we need to talk and we start walking and these are his exact words "there is no easy way to say this so im just going to say it...i don't feel the same way i did about you last year. i think we should break up"
fighting tears i asked him if he loved her and he said i never stopped loving her but you did help me realize that....
at this point im fully broken down inside i felt like i was getting hot like i wanted to kick her face in and that i could never trust anyone ever again...but on the outside i was completely calm and i looked deep into his eyes and i saw he wasn't lying i put my hand on his shoulder and said i hope you are sure because once im gone i will not be back and when she breaks your heart i cannot say i will be there for you...i would say we can be friends but im not sure i can trust you or even think of you the same...i hugged him and walked away crying he called after me but i couldnt go back to him back in class i could not even pick my head up i wanted to scream and throw a fit and i felt like there was a hole in my heart and a lump in my throat preventing me from speaking.
and thats where i woke up and had no idea what i should feel or think or do so i acted like it wasn't sorta killing me inside...i saw him later that morning and i felt better but i knew i still felt kinda strange...
so i went to see him wednesday and we went on a like unofficial double date with tim and his new girl "Tammy"
after having"the upper hand" i felt pretty accomplished especially since it was our 100th day!
But yesturday i had another dream it was almost the same...
Shadow called me out of class this time and told me he wanted to break up because i was causing him too much stress or something like that...but this time i had control of my actions so im freaking out but i stop myself im fully crying and telling him your not real....your not real i kept saying it over and over again... shadow just keot looking at me like i was crazy telling me he was real and we were over...
this is where it became sorta like a sci fi movie...my hand started glowing this bright red color and it feels as hot as the sun. as im screaming your not real i rest my hand over his heart and i sawsome sort of light shine through his chest and he looked confused as if he didnt know where he was or why i was crying...he looked into my eyes and then just hugged me and i felt relieved like everything that happened before just melted away... i woke up happy and smiley and crazy as usual and now i am no longer worried about anything almost like my dream corrected itself after i saw shadow for our 100th! im going now sooo...
-Blog ya later!
ok i didnt want to speak about the shadow dream because i woke up freaking out but bottling it up probably is not a good idea...
so here goes... i was in English and during this period i know shadow has lunch during this time...he usually walks by the door and i come out and say hi and go back in...so i see him outside the door and im abou to go out but then i see zarrah (his ex) she seems angry or sad at something or someone she looks like she is crying and yelling at him...of course i think shes just bitching about something then he just kisses her out of nowhere... i was not mad at all and i sure as hell wasn't going to run away...so i slowly opened the door and he sees me...his face flushes red and zarah looks at him and says its ok you can tell her. now im freaking out...and i seem to have no control over what i was doing or saying in the dream its like i was just watching it happen...
so he tells me we need to talk and we start walking and these are his exact words "there is no easy way to say this so im just going to say it...i don't feel the same way i did about you last year. i think we should break up"
fighting tears i asked him if he loved her and he said i never stopped loving her but you did help me realize that....
at this point im fully broken down inside i felt like i was getting hot like i wanted to kick her face in and that i could never trust anyone ever again...but on the outside i was completely calm and i looked deep into his eyes and i saw he wasn't lying i put my hand on his shoulder and said i hope you are sure because once im gone i will not be back and when she breaks your heart i cannot say i will be there for you...i would say we can be friends but im not sure i can trust you or even think of you the same...i hugged him and walked away crying he called after me but i couldnt go back to him back in class i could not even pick my head up i wanted to scream and throw a fit and i felt like there was a hole in my heart and a lump in my throat preventing me from speaking.
and thats where i woke up and had no idea what i should feel or think or do so i acted like it wasn't sorta killing me inside...i saw him later that morning and i felt better but i knew i still felt kinda strange...
so i went to see him wednesday and we went on a like unofficial double date with tim and his new girl "Tammy"
after having"the upper hand" i felt pretty accomplished especially since it was our 100th day!
But yesturday i had another dream it was almost the same...
Shadow called me out of class this time and told me he wanted to break up because i was causing him too much stress or something like that...but this time i had control of my actions so im freaking out but i stop myself im fully crying and telling him your not real....your not real i kept saying it over and over again... shadow just keot looking at me like i was crazy telling me he was real and we were over...
this is where it became sorta like a sci fi movie...my hand started glowing this bright red color and it feels as hot as the sun. as im screaming your not real i rest my hand over his heart and i sawsome sort of light shine through his chest and he looked confused as if he didnt know where he was or why i was crying...he looked into my eyes and then just hugged me and i felt relieved like everything that happened before just melted away... i woke up happy and smiley and crazy as usual and now i am no longer worried about anything almost like my dream corrected itself after i saw shadow for our 100th! im going now sooo...
-Blog ya later!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
In school again
im done with all the soul searching for now i feel like ive been complaining...alot...so lets talk about something that would probably be wayy more appealing to other readers! like you remember i told you about "tim" and "amber" the couple that broke up..either way i go to shadows class during my lunch period because he has theatre and the teacher is awesome! Amber is in that class...i feel soo bad because everytime we are together i see in her eyes that she is hurting..although she doesn't want to admit it and she says she is over tim...I could not help but try to at least not be too "couple-like" in front of her but shadow is just soo darn irresitable...band class is awkward because i sit between Tim and Amber but they are like i guessed both talking to me but not really to each other! so its weird and when they try to talk to each other its just weird....i feel soooo bad for her because it seems like he never actually loved her in the first place...
i had a dream the other day that the same thing happened to me and shadow... it was so realistic. i woke up feeling sorta depressed i didnt know whether i should laugh or cry...i felt sick too my stomach but then i saw him later in school and felt sooo relieved...i never ever want to ever have that dream ever again let alone live it soo thats why i sorta feel for Amber...
if i learned anything from my great grandma before she died its that most dreams mean something....she had a book that interpreted dreams and she was from the islands she had all these natural herbs and stuff like remedys and she always had the answer for every problem....i do wish she was alive i have a few questions for her. and i wonder what ever happened to that book and what it would say bout my dream! i know im just crazy for wanting to know but who could blame me for being curious...that book taught me sooo much about myself and other people i learned about the mind and things i would not know about people otherwise...anyway class is about to end so till later
-blog ya later :)
i had a dream the other day that the same thing happened to me and shadow... it was so realistic. i woke up feeling sorta depressed i didnt know whether i should laugh or cry...i felt sick too my stomach but then i saw him later in school and felt sooo relieved...i never ever want to ever have that dream ever again let alone live it soo thats why i sorta feel for Amber...
if i learned anything from my great grandma before she died its that most dreams mean something....she had a book that interpreted dreams and she was from the islands she had all these natural herbs and stuff like remedys and she always had the answer for every problem....i do wish she was alive i have a few questions for her. and i wonder what ever happened to that book and what it would say bout my dream! i know im just crazy for wanting to know but who could blame me for being curious...that book taught me sooo much about myself and other people i learned about the mind and things i would not know about people otherwise...anyway class is about to end so till later
-blog ya later :)
Monday, November 7, 2011
extremely me...part two!
ummm...shadow told me too finish....or else so here ya goo!
uhhh what did i forget??
Threatened:
i feel threatened when i don't know what is going on around me or what people are about to do. i feel threatened easily because i hear everything...soo when people are sneaking up on me i hear it and kinda spaz a little....and especially if i didnt hear you comming up and you just grab me i will probably try to attack you! lol when i feel threatened my eyes are opened a little bit wider and my breathing pattern is way off!
lust:
l feel lustful most whenshadow is being "mean" to mee i try to hide it cause i guess i feel guilty because i feel good...imma weirdo. you can tell by looking at me because im biting my lip or im not making any sense or i look away alot!
not sure what else to write soo..... til next time
-blog ya later
uhhh what did i forget??
Threatened:
i feel threatened when i don't know what is going on around me or what people are about to do. i feel threatened easily because i hear everything...soo when people are sneaking up on me i hear it and kinda spaz a little....and especially if i didnt hear you comming up and you just grab me i will probably try to attack you! lol when i feel threatened my eyes are opened a little bit wider and my breathing pattern is way off!
lust:
l feel lustful most whenshadow is being "mean" to mee i try to hide it cause i guess i feel guilty because i feel good...imma weirdo. you can tell by looking at me because im biting my lip or im not making any sense or i look away alot!
not sure what else to write soo..... til next time
-blog ya later
Saturday, November 5, 2011
extremely me...
uhh well lately i've been doing some inner discovery kind of experiments and i find it interesting...have you ever stopped yourself you know like when your really really upset and truly truly happy and asked why do i feel this way or why do i feel the urge to do that? well i have... i started doing this because learning about other people was becoming somewhat difficult without truly knowing myself. so i challenged myself that everytime i felt really happy or sad or angry of lustful or jealous or whatever the emotion i would stop and basically examine my own self.
when i am really happy:
it was because everyone around me is happy and i get this really goofy smile that doesn't fade...or i am around shadow. having some sort of bonding time with the family...aceing a test. mastering something in dance class. you can always tell when i am really happy because i smile for no reason and im always trying to keep people laughing.
When I am jealous:
i don't really get jealous truly...i know a lot of girls say that and people think they are lying but i always think whats there to be jealous for? if i see someone with something i really want instead of getting jealous i thikn well that person must have done something to earn or deserve it good for them. or girls even flirting with shadow two reasons i will never truly be jealous 1.) i take it as a compliment that he is a really hot guy and other girls wish they had him and 2.) he is really bad at picking up on when people like him or are ttrying to flirt with him he is truly just being friendly. i do joke around alot when other girls are around him i give them little looks but im just messing around... honestly he could come to me and be like that girl over there is really pretty or give some other girl a hug i wont feel insecure because at the end of the day i trust he is comming back to me!
When i am sad:
sometimes when i have time to myself and im alone trapped in my room i think about the thinngs that have happened in my life that aren't so great. like my parents divorcing or my great grandfather dying or passing out and freaking out my classmates...the strange thing is i tend to tear up but i will never fully cry i kind of just smile through it because i hate when people see you crying and ask questions that truly dont make you feel even worse. i find that i am the best at hiding this emotion...unless you truly know me...i act differently when i am sad like i am trying to hide something (which i am). i hate complaining about my life because i know there is someone somewhere who has it even worse...if you were looking at me and i am sad (trying to hide it) you would probably notice i take longer time blinking i look down alot i will say something funny then the smile will fade quickly and i wont really be listening to what your saying no eye contact for more than 5 seconds....
When i am mad:
hmmm... when i am mad i act like everything is fine and it doesn't bug me at all...people when i was younger made fun of me but it made me the person i am today...but i would not really say i am the person who would full out freak on someone because they make a snobby comment. there is the one girl who i wont even give a name she doesn't tease me but she is always commenting on whatever i do in a rude way she has been doing since like 6th grade and i do wonder what i ever did to make her feel that way toward me. of course i do feel like just screaming at her sometimes but i hold back and refuse to give her that hold over me... if you were looking at me and i am mad you would see that my teeth are clenched even if i am smiling and i keep looking away as if i do not want to be bothered.
When i am sick:
because i am just a medical mystery people know i faint and ive got issues with head aches and dizziness and all kinds of crazy stuff...but i dont like causing a scene i just wish i could fly under the radar when i am being rushed to the hospital... this is why i know the people who do care about me stress themselves out asking if i am ok and worry aboutme...and they don't understand whats wrong so theycannot help...i feel like i drama queen complaining... so i just don't i would rather just ignore it then let someone know that i can't even see two feet infront of me or the headache i have is so bad i can't hear see or think straight. if your are looking at me when i am sick you would probably notice that i have a look on my face like i am going to throw up but i keep holding it back i kinda squint a little and hold my hand to my temple and i give one worded answers i won't look at you for too long because i dont want anyone to know. i might look a little teary eyed and blink alot but that would be normal for someone who is having a migrane i guess...P.S. even writing this section i kinda feel like i am complaining and i should erase it!
when i am in love:
I never want to be away from that person and love hearing their voice. when i am in love i feel the need to know everything...i need to know the life story what you like and don't like what makes you happy. and i sometimes just find myself just looking for no apparent reason i gess just to look at that person thinking about him.i know i know really sappy stuff but whatever you could have stop reading by now... i feel like it is my job to know how you are feeling and what you need.just by looking i am able to tell your mood or even guess what your thinking about.i feel like i need to understand the things you are into as well even if i suck at it (like video games). if you are looking at me and i am in love you would notice i keep smiling and laughing even if for no reason i coulld spend a whole day with you and not even have to say a word...i will be the first person to say i love you...
To be continued...because i feel self centered writing this and that now everyone will know what i am thinking and they will try to mess with my head...yeahhh i am talking to you shadow!!
-Blog ya later!
when i am really happy:
it was because everyone around me is happy and i get this really goofy smile that doesn't fade...or i am around shadow. having some sort of bonding time with the family...aceing a test. mastering something in dance class. you can always tell when i am really happy because i smile for no reason and im always trying to keep people laughing.
When I am jealous:
i don't really get jealous truly...i know a lot of girls say that and people think they are lying but i always think whats there to be jealous for? if i see someone with something i really want instead of getting jealous i thikn well that person must have done something to earn or deserve it good for them. or girls even flirting with shadow two reasons i will never truly be jealous 1.) i take it as a compliment that he is a really hot guy and other girls wish they had him and 2.) he is really bad at picking up on when people like him or are ttrying to flirt with him he is truly just being friendly. i do joke around alot when other girls are around him i give them little looks but im just messing around... honestly he could come to me and be like that girl over there is really pretty or give some other girl a hug i wont feel insecure because at the end of the day i trust he is comming back to me!
When i am sad:
sometimes when i have time to myself and im alone trapped in my room i think about the thinngs that have happened in my life that aren't so great. like my parents divorcing or my great grandfather dying or passing out and freaking out my classmates...the strange thing is i tend to tear up but i will never fully cry i kind of just smile through it because i hate when people see you crying and ask questions that truly dont make you feel even worse. i find that i am the best at hiding this emotion...unless you truly know me...i act differently when i am sad like i am trying to hide something (which i am). i hate complaining about my life because i know there is someone somewhere who has it even worse...if you were looking at me and i am sad (trying to hide it) you would probably notice i take longer time blinking i look down alot i will say something funny then the smile will fade quickly and i wont really be listening to what your saying no eye contact for more than 5 seconds....
When i am mad:
hmmm... when i am mad i act like everything is fine and it doesn't bug me at all...people when i was younger made fun of me but it made me the person i am today...but i would not really say i am the person who would full out freak on someone because they make a snobby comment. there is the one girl who i wont even give a name she doesn't tease me but she is always commenting on whatever i do in a rude way she has been doing since like 6th grade and i do wonder what i ever did to make her feel that way toward me. of course i do feel like just screaming at her sometimes but i hold back and refuse to give her that hold over me... if you were looking at me and i am mad you would see that my teeth are clenched even if i am smiling and i keep looking away as if i do not want to be bothered.
When i am sick:
because i am just a medical mystery people know i faint and ive got issues with head aches and dizziness and all kinds of crazy stuff...but i dont like causing a scene i just wish i could fly under the radar when i am being rushed to the hospital... this is why i know the people who do care about me stress themselves out asking if i am ok and worry aboutme...and they don't understand whats wrong so theycannot help...i feel like i drama queen complaining... so i just don't i would rather just ignore it then let someone know that i can't even see two feet infront of me or the headache i have is so bad i can't hear see or think straight. if your are looking at me when i am sick you would probably notice that i have a look on my face like i am going to throw up but i keep holding it back i kinda squint a little and hold my hand to my temple and i give one worded answers i won't look at you for too long because i dont want anyone to know. i might look a little teary eyed and blink alot but that would be normal for someone who is having a migrane i guess...P.S. even writing this section i kinda feel like i am complaining and i should erase it!
when i am in love:
I never want to be away from that person and love hearing their voice. when i am in love i feel the need to know everything...i need to know the life story what you like and don't like what makes you happy. and i sometimes just find myself just looking for no apparent reason i gess just to look at that person thinking about him.i know i know really sappy stuff but whatever you could have stop reading by now... i feel like it is my job to know how you are feeling and what you need.just by looking i am able to tell your mood or even guess what your thinking about.i feel like i need to understand the things you are into as well even if i suck at it (like video games). if you are looking at me and i am in love you would notice i keep smiling and laughing even if for no reason i coulld spend a whole day with you and not even have to say a word...i will be the first person to say i love you...
To be continued...because i feel self centered writing this and that now everyone will know what i am thinking and they will try to mess with my head...yeahhh i am talking to you shadow!!
-Blog ya later!
Friday, November 4, 2011
15 minute in school post...
ALRIGHT! i only have 15 minutes to write this post before the period ends...
I didnt have school from monday to thursday because of the bad snow we got and our school is weird! today is friday and we are only going to have one day before the weekend...im ok with that but my sleeping pattern is all off now!
anywaysss recently about ten people sent me the video to some justin bieber video of him rapping... ignored it for a long time then finally i just decided to watch it! sooo its him freestyling to otis and i gotta admit i didnt explode when i watched it! but seriously it wasn't all bad! so i decided if Justin Bieber can rap then i can rap! sooo i am currently writing a rap and i will post it here eventually...dont laugh at me specially since iits gonna be soo amazing rainbows are gonna pour outta your ears when you hear it! period almost ending...so ill be rapping to the instrumental of otis and i refuse to make a fool of myself so it will be amazing or i won't post it! either way i need you all to know that I AM NOT A RAPPER! so don't even take this seriously because i know i have no chance as a rapper! Im gonna try my hardest to make it rhyme or at least be in time...or whatever but now the periods gonna end so im leaving now byeeeeee :)
-blog ya later!
I didnt have school from monday to thursday because of the bad snow we got and our school is weird! today is friday and we are only going to have one day before the weekend...im ok with that but my sleeping pattern is all off now!
anywaysss recently about ten people sent me the video to some justin bieber video of him rapping... ignored it for a long time then finally i just decided to watch it! sooo its him freestyling to otis and i gotta admit i didnt explode when i watched it! but seriously it wasn't all bad! so i decided if Justin Bieber can rap then i can rap! sooo i am currently writing a rap and i will post it here eventually...dont laugh at me specially since iits gonna be soo amazing rainbows are gonna pour outta your ears when you hear it! period almost ending...so ill be rapping to the instrumental of otis and i refuse to make a fool of myself so it will be amazing or i won't post it! either way i need you all to know that I AM NOT A RAPPER! so don't even take this seriously because i know i have no chance as a rapper! Im gonna try my hardest to make it rhyme or at least be in time...or whatever but now the periods gonna end so im leaving now byeeeeee :)
-blog ya later!
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Snow in october=no school on halloween
I haven't written in a bit possibly because i did not have power for two days but mostly i was battleing writers block and a bad case of boredum!!! anyways as most people know halloween was on a monday but because the sky decided it did not want us to go to school on such an awesome day! i went trick or treating on cedar street (changed street name) with shadow, nisa and my friend ummm.. trina(fake name). it seems like halloween came and went sooo quickly!! as most people know scare crows freak me out because ican almost swear there is a person inside one waiting to attack me! so i tried to skip as many houses with scare crows as possible! But to no avail since shadow made it his personal goal to get me up to the door of one of these houses....i held my ground until he started being "mean" too me :p
of course im freaking out inside but i held it in said my trick or treats got my candy then got the hell outta there!either way i was pochontas shadow was a boxer/mugger person thingy....nisa was a bad school girl a costume she got from me!
going to cut this post short cause i don't know what else to write sooo..
-blog ya later
of course im freaking out inside but i held it in said my trick or treats got my candy then got the hell outta there!either way i was pochontas shadow was a boxer/mugger person thingy....nisa was a bad school girl a costume she got from me!
going to cut this post short cause i don't know what else to write sooo..
-blog ya later
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