In school post...

Im in class as i write this... cause i am that cool any ways im not exactly sure what i am going to write so this is gonna kinda be like whatever comes into my head!
okok well i have shadows phone right now and i love messing with it and putting stuff on it thinking bout recording a ringtone and setting it for when i call :) but i gotta go somewhere no one will hear me! im such a doof! anways i find it relieving that not even once have i had the urge to go through his messages like a crazy obsessed girlfriend!! *Pat on the back* either way he made this "list" thing of something but he won't show me or tell me what it is...i know its in his pocket right now and im comming up with a rescue plan as i write this... as soon as he told he wasn't going to tell me what it was i kinda sorta slightly went a little insane (in a good way) surprises are good and fun...but i am a very curious person so as you could imagine i bogged my brain trying to figure out what was on it and what it said... last period he showed me the paper i could see that it was typed but it was too fast for me to read anything on it...plus it was folded! i know he enjoys taunting me because i love doing the same to him but little does he know that i've got a few tricks of my own under my sleeve. ive learned alot about him over the past couple of months and whenever i am with him i just can't even imagine how we came so far...from being strangers at a party to forbiden "flirters" in class to admitted lust of one another to full relationship. i wrote a couple of things on his phone you know just bragging about how awesome he is...(which i do alot) and he possibly will never find them >:) mwahahahahaaa!
either way i am running out of things to write but i am going to push past this writers block! ummm...well you see.... uhhh...OH!
Shadow has a blog of his own which he doesn't post on as religiously as i do but he does write every once in awhile. i dont know maybe blogging is more of a me thing but it feels great to be completely anonymous and being able to say whatever i freaking want to! lets see whats something people don't know ummm...
"Zarah" (shadows ex) has been talking to me more and more often...not sure what to make of her intentions...or why it happend so suddenly once i began dating shadow but she can't say anythingg that would even change my opinion of shadow or our relationship...sure we can be friends but don't expect me to act as if you have never done anything to hurt him. i saw the pain on his face i know what you did...your not innocent in this world. but again i have nothing against you because it would be wrong of me to resent you for something that you did not do to me.
Oh! whats this....oh i took shadows vaselinee by accident!! mmmmm cherry :) how sexy!
either way enough about that what else is going on in my life...everything else seems pretty dull in comparison to the shadow related aspects of my life!but then again i am back into my serious dance mojo now...terpsys (a school dance organization thats been around for 41 years) has begun i went to the audition yesturday...it was loads of fun! we stretched and went across the floor and learned a very fast paced difficult combination to some song i have never heard in my life! but it was exilereating i love dancing soo much like if something were to happen and i was no longer able to dance i would go insane! dancing saves me it keeps me sane shows my emotions, and lets me be free from earthly inhabitants (which is just my weird way of saying staying away from people i don't like)
AND SHADOW WANTS TO GIVE DANCE ENSEMBLE A TRY! he really is trying to be more connected to the sides of me that others could care less about which i do appreciate! but I am in no way shape or form forcing him to do this he came up with it all on his own!all of his efforts begs me to be more into things he likes (ex: videogames and smosh and sprayable cheese)
I suck at video games which i admit i don't really have many video games to practice with at home i have wii sports but you see that doesn't help you with anything that doesn't have a motion controller! and shadow has the Xbox soooo...either way there is this one game i love to play MORTAL KOMBAT DC UNIVERSE! i love it because you can play as any character and fight another character! i normally play as Kitana (because he doesn't have Mileena) shes a cool character she has like rasor fans and shes all buff and a good fighter... but the little outfit they have her in is kinda weird...but i know shadow would love it if i was her for halloween...reasons i wont/cant:

1. you have to order online which i dont have a credit card to do


2. i can't wear it too school because it shows too much skin


3. my mom will never let me wear that if she saw it


4. its october its too cold out to wear nothing!

speaking of halloween its comming up soon! pretty phsyced about it i have two costumes i will wear because i could not decide which one i wanted to be...one for school (more school appropriate) and one for trick or treat (more shadow appropriate). ive already thought up next years costume im thinking either a little red riding hood or the mad hatter orr....this super cute cat in the hat thing...i know it sounds like it would be ugly and huge and unattractive but its really cute...and hard to explain :) thank goodness for partycity!

time to wrap up this post cause im rambling now soo til next time!

-Blog ya later :D

What guys don't know

‎45 THINGS A GIRL WANT, BUT WON'T ASK FOR:1. Touch her waist.2. Actually talk to her.3. Share secrets with her.... ...4. Give her your jacket.5. Kiss her slowly.Are you remembering this?6. Hug her.7. Hold her.8. Laugh with her.9. Invite her somewhere.10. Hangout with her and your friends together.KEEP READING ..11. Smile with her.12. Take pictures with her.13. Pull her onto your lap.14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back.15. When her friends say “I love her more than you”, deny it. Fight back and hug her tight so she can’t get to her friends. It makes her feel loved.Are you thinking of someone?16. Always hug her and say I love you whenever you see her.17. Kiss her unexpectedly.18. Hug her from behind around the waist.19. Tell her she’s beautiful.20. Tell her the way you feel about her.One last thing you need to do to show her you actually do mean it.21. Open doors for her, walk her to her car - it makes her feel protected, plus it never hurts to act like a gentleman.22. Tell her she’s your everything - only if you mean it.23. If it seems like there is something wrong, ask her - if she denies something being wrong, it means SHE DOESN’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT - so just hug her.24. Make her feel loved.25. Kiss her in front of OTHER girls you know!WE MIGHT DENY IT BUT WE ACTUALLY LIKE AND KINDA WANT YOU TO TICKLE US ..26. Don’t lie to her.27. DON’T cheat on her.28. Take her ANYWHERE she wants.29. Text message or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at school, and how much you miss her.30. Be there for her whenever she needs you, and even when she doesn’t need you, just be there so she’ll know that she can always count on you.ARE YOU STILL READING THIS? YOU BETTER, BECAUSE IT’S IMPORTANT.31. Hold her close when she’s cold so she can hold you too.32. When you are alone hold her close and kiss her.33. Kiss her on the cheek; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her).34. While in the movies, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her lightly.35. Don’t ever tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you’re mad. If she’s upset, comfort her.REMEMBER ALL THESE THINGS WHEN YOU ARE WITH HER NEXT ..36. When people diss her, stand up for her.37. Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her.38. Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you.39. When walking next to each other grab her hand.40. When you hug her, hold her in your arms as long as possible.MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS SHES LOVED.41. Call or text her at night to wish her sweet dreams.42. Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears.43. Take her for long walks at night.44. Always remind her how much you love her.

NIsaa's post :)

Worst day of school...ever:
ok hey guys this is "nisa" (fake name)....writing on lexis blog just for the heck of it... i felt like ranting about my day at school so here it goess...have you ever got punched i the stomach??
well i have today in school by my friend jose fake name just for his respect....so as soon as i got out of math i had recess...anyway when i got outside i went to talk to my friend...so her guy who is her friend came and lots of other people..so my friend jose came and we were play fightin...so when i stopped playin with him he came following me and he punched me in my stomach....my stomach started burning and it made me feel like i was going to throw up...when i went to tell jose that i felt like that he started pokin me in my stomach....i told him that didnt help at all...he was like ooo im soo sorry...so after that he just followed me the whole recess and lunch period...i got so iratated i did not get why he kept on following me....well anyway im hap that he is my friend because im new to the school i go to...other than thati had a good day

A game of questions ;)

70 questions:

1. Full name: ummm.... this is thw world wide web i cannot disclose that information at this time...


2. Nickname: lexi, alle, Aj, Jackie, jack, sexi, jojo, lexila( courtesy of my younger bro who cant say my name yet)


3. Zodiac sign: Aquarious


4. Elementary school:Whitter


5. Tall or short: just right


6. Sweats or jeans:Jeans


7. oranges or apples: green apples


8. do you have a crush on someone: Shadow


9. eat or drink: Drink


10. piercings: in ears ....want to pierce my belly button


11. pepsi or coke: pepsi

Have you ever:

1. Been in an airplane: many times


2. been in a relationship: yea


3. been in a car accident: not amajor one


4. been in a fist fight: no

Firsts and Lasts:

1. first piercing: ears


2. first best friend: cant tell real names so waht the point...


3. First award: most trust worthy and leadership


4. first love: no real names


5. first words: hey girls, nanab (banana),no!


6. last person you talked to in person: Shadow


7. last person you texted:Shadow


8. last friend you watched a movie with: You guessed it... shadow


9. last food you ate: rigatoni with meat sauce with assorted shredded cheeses....yumm


10. last movie you watched in the theaters: Captain america


11. last song you listened to: My humps black eyed peas


12. last thing you bought: Barbecue chips

Favorites:

1. food: seafood (crab legs, shrimp, calamri, lobster, cod fish)


2. drink: Pina colada, long island ice tea, smirnoff


3. flower: Lotus, black roses, babys breath


4. animal: Jaguar


5. color: Purple, gold, red


6. place: In the park


7. movie: Avatar, inception, Easy A


8. subject: English


9. song:hmmm... what ever i can dance to

Have you ever.....

1. fallen in love with someone: i'd like you to meet shadow


2. celebrated halloween: yeaa going to soon actually


3. went over phone minutes: more than once :/


4. wanted to smack someone: not for real


5. eaten a whole pizza by yourself: never


6. did something you regret: yup


7. broke a promise: never


8. hid a secret: it was a surprise party i think it wasn't bad for me to


9. pretend to be happy: alot actually

In the future....

1. want kids?how many: yes two one boy (who is older) and a female


2. marriage: eventually


3. career: dancer lawyer in space

which is better on the opposite gender...

1. lips or eyes: lips


2. shorter or taller: taller


3. romantic or spontaneous: spontaneous


4. hook up or relationship: relationship


5. looks or personality: personality

Have you ever...

1. lost glasses/contacts: yeaaa


2. snuck out: not successfully


3. held a gun/knife in defense: no


4. broke someones heart: possibly


5. been in love: yes


6. been arrested: funny story...

Do you believe in...

1. yourself: of course


2. miracles: let me introduce youto shadow


3. love at first sight: have you met shadow?


4. santa:no...but don't tell my parents that!


5. forever and always:of course

Truthfully...

1. someone you wish you were with now: where is shadow


2. something your afraid of: bugs, feet, heights


3. something you always wanted to ask: why are lesbians attractive to guys(THEY DON'T WANT YOU)


4. something you want to try: sky diving (on my bucket list)


5. things you say all the time:Okie dokie, enlighten me, interesting, i sowey, oopsy daisy

PARTAYYY!

ok i can explain why i didnt blog all weekend... i was pretty busy i went to shadows house on friday then again on saturday to meet his family! and sunday i went to my best (gay) friends birthday party ill explain what happened...
meeting shadows family was sooo awesome... my mom made a big deal outta wearing something special to impress them but i figure every time theysee me i won't look all fancy so its better they meet and like me for who i am now! which i guess was wrong since shadow thinks skirts are sexy!his uncle answered the door first exclaiming their was no shadow that lived at that address but being and cool as i am i told him well he lived here yesturday and about two seconds ago because i was jsut talking to him. i met two aunts and the most adorable little kids ever...the younger son could barely speak or thats what i thought till i realized he was danish... i couldn't tell if he was speaking that language or gibberish! Shadow and i mostly left the adults to their own conversation as we messed around taking videos and pictures on his fathers ipad! it was hilarious!we played video games and watched parts of the new fred movie...
anways on to the party:
so i arrive and i immediatley see a room full of girls... and food. more and more people show upand ironically enough "Zarah" (shadows ex girlfriend) walks in with "Tara"
personnally i have nooo issues with Zarah and ironically enough when she walks in she hugs me first instead of the birthday boy!
i quickly realize zarah and i are the ONLY straight people at the party....which wasn't as awkward as i thought it would be. but for the first hour i decided to hold up the wall in fear of losing my cool and full out dancing my butt off... so im swaying to the beat and i end up sitting down eventually when Zarah decides she wanted to sit on me! which of course brought her whole crew and their conversation over to where i was...then Tara sits on her and the birthday boy sits on her and were all just kinda stackked on each other! so i retreat back to my spot on the wall now my songg is on so im kinda grinding with the wall when Zarah comes over and starts grinding with me!!! still not awkward... then Tara tries to push me off the wall and we are all botty bumping each other for the wall spot then the birthday boy grinds on Zarah...trying to get in the party mood i challenged the birthday to a nicki off which if you dont know is when you rap the words of romans revenge in the face of the other person and try to "out rap them" once it got to the eminem part another girl tookmy spot rapping...this go tthe party started if you ask me
we all circle to the back of the house to his old swing set which is probably made for three year olds...we played truth or dare. "jalopy" was dared to lick the trash can which he did i was dared to act like a dude ironic since im the only straight one right!either way i walk around the whole house pants saggin hat backward straight g status...and come back birthday boy dared himself to give Jalopy a lap dance which he tried but Jalopy (who is bi) refused! he ended up giving one to Tara.
either way the strangest part was Zarah seemed to be sorta clinging to me throughout the party not being mean or rude or anything just there having normal conversations...she even invited me to her halloween party.she told me about some girl who was at the party who was flirting with her now current boyfriend...i was getting that "shes a hoe vibe" from the girl anyway. not because i was jealous but what she was wearing and how she was dancing just didnt help her case.i end up sitting on a couch with Zarah Tara and two other girls (who happend to be lesbians) Zarah on top of Tara and the other two girls sitting on one another. i was the only one sitting without a "partner" (thank god) they were giving lap dances and i couldtell Tara and the other girl were very satisfied by how red the faces were and how they were biting their lips and pulling their hair like they were being (sexually) tortured. everyone was kinda partnered off...
Zarah pretended to not notice the satifaction all over Taras face which leads me to believe Tara has a crush on Zarah who is not a lesbian but she has not told her about her attraction yet. I suppose Zarah suspects Taras crush on her by now but in order to keep the friendship from ending awkwardly she pretends not to notice....but yet she still gives tara lap dances and teases her... (poor thing)...
they told me i would be at least bi if not a lesbian by the time i left....i have never been sooo sure i like males in my whole life!
after i got home i was exhausted but i had homework to do then i had my ritual nigtly phone call with Shadow... i have sooo much fun being "evil" to him (in a good way)
i read this thing to him from cosmopolitan the most X rated magazine in history....i had him in the palm of my hand...then he had to go :( just my luck i wanted to see how far i could get him over the phone...not even sure why!
anyway i gotta make up for the days i missed so im gonna wrap this post up...
-blog ya later!

strangely me...

Ok i guess i am kinda likeing making all these lists... so heres a list of all the weird crazy spontaneous things i have done...

• Skipping while singing the national anthem through england! (this tops the list)


• cartwheeling throught the mall with only a bathing suit on...(it was a dare)


• buying a Hobo an orange (because i am awesome like that)


• Hid in a tree then scared my mom...


• walked through an open house...bernieing!! (youtube thing)


• learning all the words to some french song


• cursing my friend out in chinese


• convincing the crossing gaurd to buy me a cookie


• dancing on the table in the food court in the mall...


• walking into target with a mask on...(it wasn't halloween...i got questioned)


• punching a scare crow in the face (in my defense i wasn't expecting it to be a real person in there)


• calling the chinese food place back when they forgot to give me fortune cookie and forcing them to come back with 8!


• prank calling a radio station (what a contradiction)


• taking a basketball from someone at the park and challenging them to a one on one (i lost)


• trying to beat myself at chess...(very difficult i am a good oponent)


• learning the first 25 books of the bible


• refusing to speak for a week (it was second grade... a long sad story)


• walking to the park in the middle of the school day


• pretending to be a wax figure in the wax musem and scaring some girl...(best day ever)


• walking through the spy museum backwards convincing people i was deep undercover


• taking a quiz in invisible ink (i still got credit)


• putting a glowstick in a mountain dew bottle and sprinkling it on people telling then the power of christ compells you


• stealing a mini nail polish from deliahs (i was like six and in my defense it was purple...and i got to keep it after so ha)


• dressing as a male for halloween!


• putting foil on my teeth and pretending they were grills for a day


• putting love notes in my crushes locker (sixth grade)


• spraying my mom hair with die while she slept she doesn't know today!


• convincing some kid i was a vampire...it was a trick mirror and a fake picture of the room i was already in with out me standing there.


• conducting home experiments my hand was blue for a month!


• memorizing the preamble for a test and to impress some guy


• learning all the stats for a football team (once again for some guy)


• making a "flying machine (it was a paper kite)


• saying macbeth before a theater performance (only thater people know what i mean)


• staying in the apple store alll day (black friday 7 am-11pm) i made a new friend behinde there too


• having a mini unofficial flashmob down the streets in englewood.


• sneaking into a sweet sixteen (my mom works at a hotel soo i had the hook up)


• drinking soda and eating pop rocks...at the same time (when i was younger i thought it would eat through my tongue)


• laying down in the middle of the street watching the street light change (it was like midnight)


• sending a friend a pizza with m&ms on it that spelled happy birthday (anonomsly....on a day that wasn't her birthday)


• dropping mentos in my soda in the middle of a hallway...it got kinda messy


• planking on the escalator in the mall


• painting my dads nails pink!


• tricking my friend into believing i was sooo D1 at this video game...it was a video of someone else playing! (april fools)


• taking a college class for no reason (i just walked into BCC and sat down)


• instead of taking the bus too school i went to new york


• wearing light brown contacts convincing my teacher they were my real i color


• ordering chicken in a vegan restaurant


• going to a gay bar in the village


• learning the alphabet in german to win a bet


• trying to like justin bieber (hardest thing ever)


• screaming over the annoucments... i just picked up the phone thing and chose some classroom and screamed)


• going over the annoucments and telling my friend she had early dismissal


• we left to get pizza that day


• sitting on Abe Lincolns foot! His momument


• pelvis thrusting with the naked cow boy!


• starting a fist pump in the game stop


• sneaking up to the projection booth in the movies and making finger puppets on the screen...( everyone thought they were crazy)


• buying 20 spicy beef jerkies for a bet


• wearing a bald cap to school!


• accidentally wearing my bra outside my shirt


• meeting biggie smalls mother...shes cool


• unplugging my grandmother's internet because she was asking to many questions about her computer...


• dancing on a mat in harlem for money in competition with the guy who was already there we shard 50% of the profitt


• learning how to read palms...and eyes


• unwrapping a starburst in my mouth


• writing this list on my blog for the world to see


• pretending to be a mime for a day...everyone was sooo confused


• breaking some kids arm in karate class (sorry kid)


• breaking wood with my bare hands in karate class (now you see why i broke the kids arm so easily)


• playing rain roulett knowing a hurricane was comming...getting a monster cold later


• playing mrs.pac man all day at the movies (missing my movie) and getting the high score


• seeing a cokie frog in peutro rico and screaming in my defense i did not know they were that rare to see!


• an iguana was a stow away in my luggage when i left peutro rico i found it when we got on the cruise ship...we had to flush him :(


• watching fear factor live...it was nasty


• going to a nude beach seeing to many old naked people! (scarred for life)

Thats all i can think of at the moment... so till next time

-blog ya later!

frustrated love...

Hey chikas,
Well i guess the best advice i could give is make a move!
75% of guys would rather you make the first move. And just how we get butterflies so do they its fine be bold! flirt a little...guys love it!flirting is a great way to get to know someone and understand their personality. just don't go too far to quickly and lead him on! it's all about body language...find an excuse to keep the conversation going and interesting (a game off 21 questions about you or would you rather or never have i ever).DO NOT i repeat DO NOT let the conversation get dry and boring or he will think your boring and try to avoid you.A simple hey what's up is usually a good way to start a conversation then just pack the conversation with questions! guys think we only like to talk and not to listen to whats happening in there lives. ask what they are interested in maybe your into that sort of thing to.
BEST WAY TO GET ON HIS GOOD SIDE:
sports
television shows
video games
Show you know something about these topics or ask him to explain certain things to you. and who his favorite player and team is. he can talk for hours! if you know nothing about sports and video games the internet is always a good source of info...fake it til you make it! look up the quater back of his favorite team and keep the conversation going based on his teams stats! Television shows are a great topic and sometimes you might find something you will like to watch with him!
If you don't know him at all...heres what you do its called the bump and flatter... you "accidentally" bump into him (not while he has a drink in his hand) and then say something like im sorry imma total clutz around cute guys! he will be totally flattered and if he is diggin you he will keep the conversation going.
another tactic is the "accidentally on purpose" you text him soo what are you going to do the weekend after he responds you say sorry that was ment for someone else but say if hes interested he can go with you somewhere!
Don't get clinggy and over excited it makes you look desperate... which isn't what we are going for we want it to seem like you have your options open and he's not number one. flirt tip use your eyes! you can enchant him and have him totally hooked all in the way you look at him! the final flirt tip is to use "the voice" that im so interested in what your saying and your soooo funny voice...keep your tone even and throw in giggles whenever he says something funny and excuse to flash him a smile is a good thing. Use other languages like french and spanish to be mysterious. he'll go nuts wondering what you were saying and never forgetting how you said it. even if you don't speak that language there is always google translate and rosetta stone!
these are the only things you need to do to keep him interested...just keep him guessing stay on the mysterious side! guys are used to being able to figure girls out give him the different personalities of you. the flirt the dork the nerd the mysterious one the sporty girl, party chic etc...
another way to keep it mysterious is to change up your style once in a while wear something no one will dare wearing! bring back old fashions and try out new ones like a tie, arm socks, or paint your nails really cool and funky so it will catch his eye and he will have to comment!
thats all for now for bye gurls...
xoxo
-loveguru

love advice...giving it a shot!

hey guys,
this is the best advice you will get i promise you...only 3 words: FEMALES ARE SIMPLE!
every guy says we are soo complicated and mess with your heads...i won't lie we do mess with your head.
but thats because you force us to, you probably would'nt tell the truth otherwise(girl logic).
All of you think we want you to be is perfect and practically be a walking checklist...NOT TRUE
you don't need to be a prince or underwear model hot. only thing you really need is to be spontaneous!
DO NOT i repeat DO NOT procrastinate if you like a girl. it only drives you and her insane! wondering if the other person likes you. if shes flirting back chances are if you were to ask her out maybe to something cute and simple like the movies or the park she will say yes.AND IT IS PERFECTLY FINE TO BE SHY! we like it...we think its adorable!... unless your annoying with it in which case you might wanna practice a little first.and if your used to getting every girl you want put that out of your head now... you will end up clueless when one girl does not like you. on another note if you take my advice and begin dating promise me you will not cheat. sure u might get away with it at first but there is always a way for her to find out. just like in the movies you won't get away with it trust me! and the way you crush her heart she will do ten times worse when she dumps you. if you really liked her you wouldn't have fallen for someone else so don't convince yourself your inlove with two people
TOP THREE WAYS TO TELL IF SHE'S INTERESTED:
Shes always looking in your direction and pretends shes not when you look over
her friends will give off hints that they know she likes you
she will try to have your attention at all times.
SHE NOT INTO YOU IF:
she constantly tells you i don't like you (most guys think we are playing hard to get when truthfully we just don't like you)
she will ignore you and just walk away during your conversation
she will avoid having long conversations
BEST WAY TO KNOW IF SHE DOES LIKE YOU:
just ask her
ask her friends
or if your shy pass her a note odds are she'll think its adorable that your so spontaneous and thats all we need to be truly swept off our feet.
RELATIONSHIP DON'Ts:
don't break up with her impersonally (by: text/email, friend,napkin)
don't suffocate her she needs time with her friends
don't pretend to listen because later you will regret it just tell her hold on i need to do something or write down what she says or record the call..or something
DO NOT FORGET HER BIRTHDAY OR YOUR ANNIVERSARY!
FIRST DATE IDEAS:
movies
park
indoor picnic*
party
FIRST DATE DON'Ts:
restaraunt(because she will probably stick you with the bill)
walking(if you run out of things to talk about its awkward)
too much physical activity(your less atractive when your very sweaty and sticky and stinky)

Why i love shadow...

Alright i know all of you are cursing me out because i did not truley finish my last post but it needs to be put on hold for this.... i racked my brain for awhile to figure out what to write today and now i know...
well earlier out of pure curiosity i asked for shadows facebook password...there was slight hesitation...but he did even say no... and he did not ask for mine. Im not a crazy girlfriend i promise i wasn't going to creep all over his page and accuse him of cheating or anything like that... actually if he had said no i would have been perfectly fine with it...anyways i told him all of this and he was like well i have nothing to hide go on it if you want to...so i went on just to really talk to some random people cause i do weird stuff like that....anyways so i decide lets see who he has messaged...ironically enough about 3 months ago i reconnected with a girl from my old dance competitions she added me and many other people on my friends list including shadow. she used to HATE me why because i would sort of end up winning against her in the competitions so she stole my boyfriend of a looooonnnggg time ago....either way i see that she was messaging shadow telling him he is cute and whatever (which he is not cute he is sexy) anyways they sort of end up talking about me and shes like ohh i know her we used to compete and crap...he wasn't telling her anything that made me nervous or insecure i totally trust him. more than i should people tell me! he could talk about other girls and i won't even give it a second thought. either way it makes me sorta frustrated to see this particular girl lying to shadow and telling him we were the best of friends and pushing up on my guy...(and once again i trust that nothing would happen ever) but the fact that i know what she is doing and she has (successfully) done it before.
BUt for some strange reason reading all of that made me love him even more...
now here comes the suuuuppperrrr complicated part....so while Eugene(ex senior bf) and i were dating they used to dislike each other. i told eugene he should make more of an effort you know because i did not want them to hate each other. they had conversations regularly...which i did not know until today....Eugene really did not trust me or him he was always asking Shadow if he liked me...of course out of respect he lied and said no which i found outlater in the conversation. Shadow later admits for having feeling for me to Eugene and he appologizes many many times for feeling this way (which gave me this crazy butterfly feeling in my tummy)
Eugene out of trying to make ammends tell shadow that he is allowed to tell me his feelings..
rewind to my point of view of this story....i was on the phone with Eugene when he told me he kknew who liked me but refused to tell...i wrote the post on facebook Shadow answered unknowing that i wanted advice on how to make Eugene tell me that my secret admirer was him! Shadow for the first couple of minutes tells me that the person will reveal himself in time but he probably wants to be respectful of the current realationship i was in....i did know at the time but if i did it would have been sooooo cute knowing how respectful he was being...then Eugene told him to admite his feelings for me...
And now things got complicated me being the crazy person i am i did not believe him at first then he assured me he wasn't lying. I was practically jumping around my room... but i felt guilty for being excited because aftter all i was still in a relationship (that was falling apart). we spoke for maybe ten more minutes before he asked me out...me not even thinking i said yes... Eugene finds out and flips out...
Reading the conversation he had with Shadow it almost seems like Eugene was out for Shadows blood... he was practically threatening him and Shadow was feeling like the biggest douche bag in history...but in his defense he did believe that he had Eugenes permisson to ask me out.
And reading and rereading how Shadow was appologizing and Eugene continued to get even more and more mad only made me think who is actually at fault here?
Okokokok i know im making it seem like shadow is a saint and Eugene is just a horrible terrible person... but the truth is Eugene never trusted me but he did truly love me and for that i am truly grateful he was there when others weren't he listened to and helped me with my problems and all around he was a good respectable boyfriend.... and shadow i dont have to even write how much good he has done for me... its like he saved me...from myself like i was putting myself down and he was the only one who could pick me back up again. But the fact is he never did ask Eugene for permission to ask me out or even if we were still dating...but the fact that he recognized what he did wrong and tried to fix it was fine enough for me...
and here we are three months and 17 days into a relationship and i could not possibly be any happier... I love him very much ... forever and always *08/02/2011*

Just because...

well lately shadow (my boyfriend if you don't already know) and I have been having "the talk" and noooo not like that awkward talk with your parents about STD's and where babies really come from... but the talk is where in a relationship you are perfectly fine with saying or asking anything without getting all blushy and awkward. we talk about everything and nothing all at once. It really is a breath of fresh air to knoww what is actually going through his mind...instead of playing that guessing game...we are now on a slightly more physical level now i think which most couples struggle to get to...but you see with my whole face reading mind powers i could tell what i had to do and when.(don't ask) But here comes the super tell all crazy secrets that normally are kept on the DL but since no one i know really reads this besides people i trust and random strangers who get bored and decide to creep on this random girls blog i think i will be fine :)
BUt for right now i gotta go to band rehersal....so hold that thought!
I'm back...so where was i...oh yeaa i was being all dramatic and what not, well im going to tell you guys something pretty personal my first unofficial and first official kiss...
my first unofficial kiss was in first grade with a kid named "Davie" (security reasons keep me from putting real names up). I came from a private kindergarden so i knew no one in first grade... he was the first person i met and we were playing with the legos he got stingy and took some of mine and i threw one at him and he was like ohhh snap this girls fiesty i like her....fast foward like 4 months into school we are about as serious as first graders could get like we were on that sharing juice boxing and crackers kinda level (which is a pretty big deal). when finally i asked him to be my friend who is a boy....meaning boy friend he blushed and then said yes later that day in recess... i told him to make it official he had to propose... so a week later he saved up all his quaters and bought me a ring.... you know the kind i mean a ringpop!!! and he slid it on my finger and kissed my cheek and said now we are friends of each other who are girls and boys...which meant we are dating...
i broke up with him in thrid grade cause we were getting a little too serious you know what i mean he was alll lets play in the sand AND HOLD HANDS... imm like what kinda girl do you think i am....im not a ore (which meant whore) you can boss around...i blame television for my bad language!
and my 1 sort of official kiss was with this guy maybe two or three summers ago... i knew just about as much you could know about a person in three days. for security purposes lets call himm..."Tom" he was cute but i wasnt the girl who was all easy to get to i was all mysterious and what not...anyways he did this thing where he would look me in the eye and say i am 50 now you come 50 (which is a line from hitch starring will smith) it meant he wanted me to kiss him...i pretended i had no clue what he was talking about cause i was pretty nervous i mean he was a year older and i had only known him for like maybe a week now... either way i guess i got tired of waited for me to participate my 50% so he looked at me and said forget it illl come 100% for you... he kissed me and this was unlike anything i had ever experienced before...i could quite understand it...then the unthinkable happened...we went from kissing to french kissing...me being as unexperienced as i was i tried to make it seem like i knew...but after awhile i pulled away. he looked confused as if it had never happened to him before exspecially not someone younger than him. well he came back for more seeing as now i guess his pride was on the line... so thinking back to all the sappy romantic comedys i had watched in my life i copied what i saw... and i guess i was pretty good at it...he pulled away later and his face was all red i could not have possibly prepare myself for what happened next...two things happened which put me into some sort of shocked state
1) he asked if i believed in abstenince...which i immediatly without questioning or thinking it over in my mind said yes i believe to people should be in love before engaging in such deep relationship milestones!
2) i asked why he was red and he told me he could never tell me because it was to embarassing so he stood up and there it was...the first time without their being some sort of hilarious sexual pun delivered by some famous person in a movie...he was...dare i say "aroused" (for the less advance people he was hard...as a rock)
i know this is just as awkward for me to write as it is for you to read because the moment was actually just as it seems... i was frozen unable to move unable to process anything when i got up kissed his cheek and whispered and for the young girl i am i know what i am doing...i threw him a pillow and confidently walked out....i could feel him staring me down as i left him all alone to deal with his male issues...ironically it took it a long time to come out of the room but whatever he was actually doing in there we can leave up to your imagination.
And now for the first partially official first kiss story this is about a person that you all should know...he is the senior i told you about earlier.... now writing this i am already regrettting telling the story because i KNOW shadow will be reading this soon and he personally hates this senior...
well i had invited the seniorwho i am going to call ummm..."eugene" because i am an evil person and its not exactly the mnost attractive anme out there...sorry to all the eugenes out there reading this!!! welll either way Eugene had come over to my house only once before and this time i had invited him and other seniors (cause i was a pimp...not really) to my house for a movie day cause my mom would never let that happen at night with a bunch of seniors...it endedup happening in my ohh to girly purple room cause the TV downstairs didnt work and i could just send everyone home. it was awkward sitting next to him cause he was all stiff next to me and everyone had kinda forced us to sit next to each other on the bed...(sorry shadow) either way his twin sister was at the door and everyone was going down to greet her when he stopped me and pulled me back i knew even before i looked at him what this meant... he leaned in but me being the confident person i am i just rested my forehead on his and looked into his eyes for a second....he looked kinda desperate to kiss me at the moment so i finally just kissed him...it wasn't long because everyone was comming back upstairs...and it was weird because even though i wasn't the most experienced person ever i knew he had been outta practice!....well this is gotta be finished later cause i got a butt load of homework to do!

Trainwreck of love...

Okay this is the third post of the day and by far the most urgent one! soo for respect of my friends i am not going to tell you their real names... so my friend "amber" and "Tim" have been dating for awhile and its cool cause their in band and me and my boyfriend in band and out of privacy on here i will be calling him... Shadow (because its all mysterious and sexy sounding) either way tim broke up with amber today...his reason:
"she has been getting on his nerves and i kinda like someone else"... which because i truly know the phsycological meaning behind this statment what he MEANT was... because i like someone else i make up silly things to get mad at Amber about so i can break up with her. Well either way it got me thinking that certain people seem one way and end up being a totally different person... which in turn makes what i am about to write clearly hypthetical...
But if i were in Ambers shoes i am not too sure if i would have let Tim get off the hook so easily...not without talking his ear off and finding out the true reason... you see because tim did not really try to help their relationship he kinda just gave up on it when things got rough which seems like a sign to me...and secondly i would need to know what (or whom) brought on this "sudden change of heart."
then my mind wandered into a corner that i will never reopen after i write this... shadow (see how sexy that sounds) and Tim are friends what if shadow were to reinforce this "sudden change of heart movement"...like what if what happened to tim and amber had happened to me and shadow (still sexy). not because i doubt the strength of our relationship but because i am only human and seein how quickly things went down hill for Amber...theres a perfectly good reason for any normal person to take a step back and look at their own relationship.
Either way i have this thing where i refuse for things to be awkward between me and any of my exes so i always find away to get closure which brings me to how Amber will get her closure,
and shadow's(i made it bold because its sexy!) past relationship troubles...
and this is the love advice person comming out of me but it was never a healthy relationship to begin with if you don't have the balls (or lady balls) to get yourself some closure....
closure comes in many forms such as getting or giving back articles of clothing...or simply talking over what went wrong. and option number two is for the more gutsy kinds of people... people who never get closure seem to never forgive the ex and hold grudges towards them which are completely unnessecary...
if you cannot walk into the same room as your ex and think something postive towards them or nothing at all then you my friend need closure because face it its not like you are never going to see each other again. without getting closure there might always be an underlying feeling or emotion towards that ex that though you refuse to admit it will remind you of the things you have been trying to deal with all along on your own. owning up to your mistakes is the hardest thing to do in my opinion...but recently i had a heart to heart with my ex who is in college... he told me he still had feelings for me which is perfectly normal because after webroke up we had not talked or seen each other... things were kinda awkward at first but we disscussed what went wrong and why things are the way they are now...and thats how we both got closure.

I believed Tim and Amber were the "cute couple" let me explain what i mean by the "cute couple" that couple looks happy and they are cute together and everyone remarks on the cute awesomeness as a couple but they actually do not communicate the right way. This leads to a boring relationship... and "the break." the break is that unintentional innocent break in the feelings or emotions toward their signifigant other... and that one break can cause feelings for someone else...
as you can probably tell these people are my good friends and because i have them both for band in the same section and i know not everyone thinks like me i know they won't get the proper closure so it will be pretty awkward for all of us next band class...

More about me...

PART 2:

• my mom says i sleep with one eye open... i doubt it


• i overthink things wayyy to much


• i am my happiest when the people around me are happy


• i get pretty gassed when someone notices something new with me like my nails hairs...something i dont even care


• i have been dancing since i was three years old and i don't plan on stopping...EVER


• from dancing i have become pretty flexible


• i used to participate in dancing competitions


• recently a girl from my competitions caught up with me


• she told me that she thought my boyfriend was cute


• she always was quite the little boyfriend stealer...


• but i trust him so i doubt anything will happen


• these bullet points are starting to sound like sentences


• to get my attention people call me Mrs. O'Reilly...and it works :p


• i hate being at home...


• my house is boring theres never anything to do...


• my boyfriend wants to come over to my house but there would be mothing to do there anyways...plus his house is soooo much more fun :D


• i have one sibling he lives in maryland with his mom he is 4 now and i love him very much


• i didnt know i had a brother til he was almost one years old


• its ironic that my brothers name is Alex...


• theres this girl who has been antagonizing me since 6th grade...i already told my mom that if she gets a call one day from my principal that there was a good cause...


• and no that was not a threat im just tired of hearing her voice...


• I have a strange taste in music one moment i am listening to classical then head banging rock the hip hop, r&b, pop andthe old songs that everyone (should) know.


• i write some really depressing things.... not thst i am depressed but thats where all my inspiration is... everyone around me never truly seems happy and thats what i write about...


• i took alot of the old posts off from my blog because they kinda brought up some memories from dark places in my mind


• i think its rude not to say something when people cough but i don't know what to say...


• i do not consider myself American in my eyes i am British...


• i have a really over protective uncle to lives in North Carolina...who owns a legal gun... and i am afraid to let him meet my boyfriend...


• i don't think he will hurt him just put "the fear of god" in him!


• i am more religious then most people know


• my father is a baptist christian and my mother is a Jehovas Witness


• i used to sit in a tree at my old house and do my homework...


• i have a little rambunctious puppy named nala


• i wish i knew more about the things my boyfriend was into because half of the time i have no clue what gamer language he is speaking!


• i am willing to give anykind of music a try


• people assume things about me which normally aren't true...


• assumptions lead to wrong desicions i believe


• i dance around my room making up fantasies about random bursts of hot tango dances with my boyfriend


• my boyfriend refuses to dance...anyone can dance


• i am not shy...at all last year i walked around asking guys (some i didnt even know) questions i probably should know until i am married


• i used to wear contacts but i started getting too much male attention then i could handle


• i play the flute but in my head i am the best drummer


• my video game skills are not up to par :/ but im going to fix that


• i used to have braces


• i have an obsession with being different... i refused to get the sidekick phone because too many people had it


• i wear a choker around my neck and i have had it on since 1st grade... i never take it off because when i did bad things started happening (i dislocated my knee, tripped up the stairs, relationship issues)


• i am scary good at hiding my emotions... because if im hiding it then it means i don't want to talk about it...


• I recently have been hanging out with different people...


• my mom is sort of trying this new thing where i have more freedom, i personally believe its an amazing parenting move


• i have tried to sneak out once but i chickened out cause imma punk :3


• when i am old enough to drive i will never be home :p


• sagging is disgusting and unattractive...i don't want to see the sponggebob bokers you have have on for the past three weeks


• when i am angry i am either quietly cursing you out in my head or talking with a british accent and if i am truly mad i may have this sort of jamacain accent.


• my family believes i am an empath (look it up)


• i am a horrible liar...


• it makes some people nervous when i look them in the eye...not sure why


• I apparently make people nervous....again not sure why because i try to be a friendly as possible to everyone


• if i were to say half the things i am thinking people would think i was crazyy


• i was a premature baby... and i had jaundice (i am fine now)


• i think its cute when people actually write me letters :) like real letters that are sent in the mail it means sooo much more :D

emotional attack...

Alright im in school as i right this post its 6th period im in computer apps...
i feel like there is a pressure in my head and the room is spinning and writing this is very difficult. I lost my voice for most of last period and its kinda shaky now but i really hope i don't pass out because i know there is no one home right now and both of my parents are at work...i took a cab to school today... either way my boyfriend is just the sweetes thing ever :) he looked over at me and its almost like he could tell something was not right...i don't want to tell him this but i do not for a fact for only a couple of seconds i believe i was passed out...let me tell you why because there is a gap in my memory of what the teacher was saying and what was going on around me... i don't want to freak him out or anything because i know it is a scary thing to see... i could see out of the corner of my eye every couple of second he would look over just to see if i was ok...reminds me of last year when he was having relationship issues. Anyway i have lunch next maybe if i eat i will feel better. As of right now i am praying i get through the rest of today because personally i am not sure if i can make it...but if anything happens one more time on school time and property i will be homeschooled i haven't told anyone this yet. there is nooo way i can be homeschooled because my mom is never home and the last time i saw my dad i was strapped to a gourney on my way to the hospital...(long story) besides that i haven't seen him in over a month...i miss him alot it seems almost like we are drifting apart which brings me to april...
in april i am going with my father to france and possibly Italy for three weeks just me and him...i am really excited to go but i know i will get homesick and miss my boyfriend...i would have asked if he could come but things like that never exactly work out in my favor.
I realize this post is kinda dragging on about stuff no one even cares about so let me write something positive....
hmmmmm... uhhhh...ummmmm... well you see....uhhhh......
theres a demented squirrel outside the window in front of me and its staring at me....o.O its kinda making me nervous but the window is closed (thank god) urghhhhhh and earlier this month someone...not naming any names. put her foot right next to my face knowing i HATE feet... they freak me out sooo much. they look like mutant hands...
on another note my teacher just showed us his new iphone4s its sooo amazingg!!! he asked it if he needed an umbrella and it showed him the wheather forecast and then he asked how old micheal jordan is and it told him 48 and 8 months! how crazyyy is that!!! then he scanned the barcode on his water bottle and it told him it was a mineral water and how much it costs...let me just say its pretty overpriced!ummm im running out of things to write soo this is the part where i wrap up my post with a clever witty remark...i got nothing...soo for now
Ill blog ya later

I did it...

SO i gave my boyfriend the URL to my site... feeling like i should have reread the stuff i used to write on here...because it was really depressing and what not thank god i didnt put the when the world turns black on here...he would probably get so freaked out...well now he knows everything.....he has the information to destroy me but....what is love but giving someone the power to destroy you but trusting them not to... i know some of you are thinking shes crazy i would never have done that but i do truly love and trust him. and i have a ton of more things to put up on here.
kinda nervous but i refuse to censor myself i will always be just as real as i have always been since fifth grade :) a little nervous but excited all in one :D

just a little something...

U Make Me
You make me laugh when I want to cry,Make me live when I want to die,Make me smile when I want to frown,You turn my life upside down.Believe in me when no one else doesYou’re my now, my is, my was.When you call my name I begin to blush,I’m afraid people notice I need you so much.When I’m with you time flies by fast.It’s like the present is the past.I need you more than you can believe,Love you more than you can conceive.Think about you every night and dayAnd hope my life can stay this wayI don’t want it to be any other way.

Should I tell?

Well my boyfriend now knows all about the embarrasing stuff i write on this blog but he doesn't know how to find it... I mean how could i tell him all the embarassing stuff you know... not that i'm hiding it from him just... its kinda fun seeing how interested he is with all of it. even the cute little stories and poems i used to write...this is like a diary. I love him sooo much more then i can ever put into words and he makes me happy when no one else can...but i got this call yesturday from someone who i thought i would never hear from ever again
I knew it was bad from the start as soon as his name popped up on my caller id ...he started off speaking about how life was with him in Newark then he told me i was the only person he could truly trust. and somehow we ended up talking about his best friend who has had a crush on me for like a year...but the feelings aren't mutual. this guy he is a real player you know the kidnd that will only come see you with one thing on his mind... anyway his friend on the phone wants me to go over to meet themm...in a no strings attached kinda way...i immediatly turned them down but i do wish i could just go see them as friends and nothing more... But i know it will end badly ... i wish they were different. Ohhh the peple jenell introduces me to are no good... AND NO I DO NOT LIKE ITHER OF THEM! AND I NEVER WILL. i am not confused to where my heart is...i love one person and one person only... forever and always

All about me

ok i have noooo idea why i am writing this but i feel like i will be liberated from myself if i do soo here it goes:

• my parents are divorced... and it kills me





• i have never been drunk





• never done drugs





• i'm insecure at times





• people get on my nerves but i can't hate...anyone





• i used to get bullied





• i had a gap in my teeth





• my hair used to be really poofy





• my mom picked out my clothes all through elementary school!





• i get good grades





• in sixth grade i had the chance to get my book published





• i write everything down...





• by looking at your facial expression i can normally tell your mood





• i have an obsession with giving advice





• people i just met seem to trust me more than usual





• i have a penpal who lives in south Africa





• i dance i play the flute





• sing (unofficially in the shower)





• i have syncope





• my friends are the best





• im kinda rough





• i like my guy to tell me exactly whats he wants/likes





• honesty is the best policy





• ive got an addiction to chocolate





• i have some strange talents





• i have awesome nail painting skills and i love when people notice





• i get nervous super easy





• im ticklish EVERYWHERE!!!!!





• i love being hugged around the waist from behinde





• i havethis crazy idea for a flash mob in the mall and in school for no reason





• I am not a homophobe





• i like to color....cuz imma big kid ;P





• i never personally have drama





• My favorite color is purple



• Feet freak me out



• I love my boyfriend very much


• If i could have anything in the world i would want for every person to be happy...(i know it sounds sappy but i really do mean it)


• something almost no one knows is: i have no gag reflex because i had my tonsils taken out when i was young (get your mind outta the gutter you nasty)



• I like change



• thinking about dying my hair a dark shadowy purple



• i love when i guy grabs myy butt...my guilty plessure ;)



• TO BE CONTINUED...

Just something i wrote...

I know this sounds like it should be a song but i can't write a tune...


The tears i cry
Are not for me
but for what is left of you
Because all i'm left with
are pieces of a broken heart...


To BE continued...

Have you ever...

Have you ever fell so hard for one guy? no... well let me explain the feeling...

So you meet him for the first time your eyes meet and you insantly need to know him...all of him. You find he has a sense of humor and you are addicted to just talking to him even if its about nothing... You obviously know that you have to turn up the charm factor and smile extra bright and show him things that make you stand out... b ut at the same time you must be mysterious...he has to feel like there is always something new about you that is unique to you.

Either way i met him at a party i knew i had him in some of my classes but i had never REALLY spoken to him until this day. he comes up after his brother and their talking about girls who can dance and who are flexible for whatever random reason... i decided to join the conversation because i've had my fair share of dance lessons in my life. We walk and talk and laugh for the whole party until i accidentally stumble into this guy who was dancing in front of the DJ.

This dancing guy instantly wants to have a dance battle with me... at first i am reluctant but after some reassuring words from my friends i was fully engaged in a full out dance battle... Im not going to lie he was a great dancer but i had the crowd on my side :) so i incorporated my surronding (A.K.A i stole his hat and continued to dance around with it) i ended up winning two things... the dance battle and all of his attention.

We began talking in class and his friends moved their seats closer to where i was... but i didnt care for them i cared for him because he was untouchable it was almost as if i did not faze him my powers of seduction did not affect him... he had not moved closer to me. His friend grew interest toward me but the longer He resisted me the more i wanted him

The sad thing is i could not wait forever... he had a girlfriend already and i was sort of interested in this senior who i ended up going to Prom with and dating...

I noticed something about him was different. he was smiling but it was almost as if he was dying on the inside... i instantly became aware of this change in attitude and became sensitive to his facial expressions...

i messaged him one day asking if he was ok because he seemed upset...

as i suspected he was having relationship issues... but i just could not stand to look into those big brown eyes filled with sadness... so even though i wanted him all to myself i gave him advice on how to get his girl back...she was indifferent almost as if she were into someone else and he was just in the way...

they had a Huge falling out...she was unfaithful and everyone knew but no one told him. they broke up long story short and i knew i had to help him cope with these feelings

I do not know why to this day i was so compelled to help this mysterious guy i met at a party...
I had relationship probllems of my own but i did not even care when he was around.

And then came that one faithful day.... i was on the phone with my senior boyfriend of the time and he confesses to me that he knows who likes me... of course being a naturally curious person i ask who and interrogate him to tell me who. BUt to no avail he never spoke a hint of my secret admirer. i decided i needed some advice so i posted on facebook i neeeded male advice... many people responded to my post but i only cared for one who had responded first saying "POOF im here whats wrong." i explained the whole situation and he just told me that the person would probably reveal himself in time... but he probably wanted to be respectful of her current relationship. behinde my back my senior Boyfriend and him were speaking to each other when my boyfriend of the time gave him permission to tell me who it was...

IT WAS HIM :D at first i could not believe it... but he assured me he meant what he was saying...but how would i know that he would also ask me out that day right there and then... i was frozen... brain not functioning fingers not proccessing eyes in shock as i read the line over and over again... finally without thinking or without debating consequenses i said yes quickly forgetting that i was in a (failing) relationship.

OkOk i know what your thinking... she didnt even love this guys she just used him shes heartless... im never reading this blog ever again... but it is not like that. in the beginning of the year i was truly infatuated with this senior but he was insecure about himself... and he continually question my faith toward him until i finally snapped yelling at him that he did not trust me...

from my point of view i am the person that would go to the supermarket and the check out lady would spill her life story to me when i was nine...and people i met just seemed to trust me instantly...so i could never fathom a reason for this one person to not trust me. he had let all of his friends convince him of things that were never true...

either way i had argued this point on the phone with my now ex... for at least three hours... but how could he be mad at me if he had pushed me into the arms of my admirer.Nontheless i had to put my admirer on hold...and get my heart out of my ass and fix the situation... my father was always opposed to me dating much less going to prom with a senior as a freshman in highschool... my father had not giving his blessing to this relationship and had forbid me from ever dating or speaking to him ever again the previous day. i told the senior my dad would give his final judgment the following monday but we all knew where his answer was headed.

Well lets just say we were over... and i knew it destroyed him inside to know that we could no longer be but i couldnt help but wonder how my admirer felt... was he still waiting for me...did he still feel the same or did he find another mystery girl at some party in a park?

i needed to release all of these bottled up feeling some other way... i participated in a musical production of FAME in my local theater and took dance lessons every day of the summer. When my admirers brother messaged me one day out of the blue asking if i wanted to go to the movies with him his brother and a bunch of friends...i immediately said yes and before i knew it i was on my first unofficial date with my future boyfriend... the movie didn't even matter once his long strong arm stretched over and he clutched me to him i layed on his shoulder and i felt so safe so secure...like all my problems just blew away...

fast foward a month after countless messaging back and forth i am invited to his HOUSE for a scary movie night... i personally cant even watch scary movies they freak me out...but i did not care i went anyway full intentions of peeing in my pants from being so afraid... until that moment when he told his friend to get up so he could sit next to his Girlfriend...my heart stopped and he looked over at me probably to see my reaction to these words but from the goofy smile i had he could tell i was perfectly fine with this :) i mark this as the day we truly got togeter *080211*

he was forever mine and i was forever his and the rest belongs in a textbook for females and males everywhere titled.... How to love...for dummies!

I love you...but you love freedom

Help me
I think im falling
In love again
When i that crazy feeling, I know
I'm in trouble again
Cause your a rambler and a gambler
and a sweet-talking-ladies man
and you love your lovin
But not like you love your freedom...

What am i
supposed to do
when the best part
of me was always you
What am i
supposed to say
when im all choked
up and your okay...
I'm falling to pieces