only in my dreams...

Recently i have had dreams about things going on in my life....its like everything i love in my life with a negative spin on it :( like my friends shadow my mom and my dad.
ok i didnt want to speak about the shadow dream because i woke up freaking out but bottling it up probably is not a good idea...
so here goes... i was in English and during this period i know shadow has lunch during this time...he usually walks by the door and i come out and say hi and go back in...so i see him outside the door and im abou to go out but then i see zarrah (his ex) she seems angry or sad at something or someone she looks like she is crying and yelling at him...of course i think shes just bitching about something then he just kisses her out of nowhere... i was not mad at all and i sure as hell wasn't going to run away...so i slowly opened the door and he sees me...his face flushes red and zarah looks at him and says its ok you can tell her. now im freaking out...and i seem to have no control over what i was doing or saying in the dream its like i was just watching it happen...
so he tells me we need to talk and we start walking and these are his exact words "there is no easy way to say this so im just going to say it...i don't feel the same way i did about you last year. i think we should break up"
fighting tears i asked him if he loved her and he said i never stopped loving her but you did help me realize that....
at this point im fully broken down inside i felt like i was getting hot like i wanted to kick her face in and that i could never trust anyone ever again...but on the outside i was completely calm and i looked deep into his eyes and i saw he wasn't lying i put my hand on his shoulder and said i hope you are sure because once im gone i will not be back and when she breaks your heart i cannot say i will be there for you...i would say we can be friends but im not sure i can trust you or even think of you the same...i hugged him and walked away crying he called after me but i couldnt go back to him back in class i could not even pick my head up i wanted to scream and throw a fit and i felt like there was a hole in my heart and a lump in my throat preventing me from speaking.
and thats where i woke up and had no idea what i should feel or think or do so i acted like it wasn't sorta killing me inside...i saw him later that morning and i felt better but i knew i still felt kinda strange...
so i went to see him wednesday and we went on a like unofficial double date with tim and his new girl "Tammy"
after having"the upper hand" i felt pretty accomplished especially since it was our 100th day!
But yesturday i had another dream it was almost the same...
Shadow called me out of class this time and told me he wanted to break up because i was causing him too much stress or something like that...but this time i had control of my actions so im freaking out but i stop myself im fully crying and telling him your not real....your not real i kept saying it over and over again... shadow just keot looking at me like i was crazy telling me he was real and we were over...
this is where it became sorta like a sci fi movie...my hand started glowing this bright red color and it feels as hot as the sun. as im screaming your not real i rest my hand over his heart and i sawsome sort of light shine through his chest and he looked confused as if he didnt know where he was or why i was crying...he looked into my eyes and then just hugged me and i felt relieved like everything that happened before just melted away... i woke up happy and smiley and crazy as usual and now i am no longer worried about anything almost like my dream corrected itself after i saw shadow for our 100th! im going now sooo...
-Blog ya later!