Alright i know all of you are cursing me out because i did not truley finish my last post but it needs to be put on hold for this.... i racked my brain for awhile to figure out what to write today and now i know...
well earlier out of pure curiosity i asked for shadows facebook password...there was slight hesitation...but he did even say no... and he did not ask for mine. Im not a crazy girlfriend i promise i wasn't going to creep all over his page and accuse him of cheating or anything like that... actually if he had said no i would have been perfectly fine with it...anyways i told him all of this and he was like well i have nothing to hide go on it if you want to...so i went on just to really talk to some random people cause i do weird stuff like that....anyways so i decide lets see who he has messaged...ironically enough about 3 months ago i reconnected with a girl from my old dance competitions she added me and many other people on my friends list including shadow. she used to HATE me why because i would sort of end up winning against her in the competitions so she stole my boyfriend of a looooonnnggg time ago....either way i see that she was messaging shadow telling him he is cute and whatever (which he is not cute he is sexy) anyways they sort of end up talking about me and shes like ohh i know her we used to compete and crap...he wasn't telling her anything that made me nervous or insecure i totally trust him. more than i should people tell me! he could talk about other girls and i won't even give it a second thought. either way it makes me sorta frustrated to see this particular girl lying to shadow and telling him we were the best of friends and pushing up on my guy...(and once again i trust that nothing would happen ever) but the fact that i know what she is doing and she has (successfully) done it before.
BUt for some strange reason reading all of that made me love him even more...
now here comes the suuuuppperrrr complicated part....so while Eugene(ex senior bf) and i were dating they used to dislike each other. i told eugene he should make more of an effort you know because i did not want them to hate each other. they had conversations regularly...which i did not know until today....Eugene really did not trust me or him he was always asking Shadow if he liked me...of course out of respect he lied and said no which i found outlater in the conversation. Shadow later admits for having feeling for me to Eugene and he appologizes many many times for feeling this way (which gave me this crazy butterfly feeling in my tummy)
Eugene out of trying to make ammends tell shadow that he is allowed to tell me his feelings..
rewind to my point of view of this story....i was on the phone with Eugene when he told me he kknew who liked me but refused to tell...i wrote the post on facebook Shadow answered unknowing that i wanted advice on how to make Eugene tell me that my secret admirer was him! Shadow for the first couple of minutes tells me that the person will reveal himself in time but he probably wants to be respectful of the current realationship i was in....i did know at the time but if i did it would have been sooooo cute knowing how respectful he was being...then Eugene told him to admite his feelings for me...
And now things got complicated me being the crazy person i am i did not believe him at first then he assured me he wasn't lying. I was practically jumping around my room... but i felt guilty for being excited because aftter all i was still in a relationship (that was falling apart). we spoke for maybe ten more minutes before he asked me out...me not even thinking i said yes... Eugene finds out and flips out...
Reading the conversation he had with Shadow it almost seems like Eugene was out for Shadows blood... he was practically threatening him and Shadow was feeling like the biggest douche bag in history...but in his defense he did believe that he had Eugenes permisson to ask me out.
And reading and rereading how Shadow was appologizing and Eugene continued to get even more and more mad only made me think who is actually at fault here?
Okokokok i know im making it seem like shadow is a saint and Eugene is just a horrible terrible person... but the truth is Eugene never trusted me but he did truly love me and for that i am truly grateful he was there when others weren't he listened to and helped me with my problems and all around he was a good respectable boyfriend.... and shadow i dont have to even write how much good he has done for me... its like he saved me...from myself like i was putting myself down and he was the only one who could pick me back up again. But the fact is he never did ask Eugene for permission to ask me out or even if we were still dating...but the fact that he recognized what he did wrong and tried to fix it was fine enough for me...
and here we are three months and 17 days into a relationship and i could not possibly be any happier... I love him very much ... forever and always *08/02/2011*
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