just gonna start typing

well theres no one topic for this post im just gonna type whatever comes to mind. so in the last post i talked about how hard it would be to go to band because well...you know. i made it out alive. i just didnt want to be there, i felt kinda pissed off for no apparent reason. and at some points i just had to leave because i couldnt be there. i would leave and get water then i would feel better. we finished a little earlier than usual so there was time before the bell rung to let school out. my friend **** looks at me and he seems like he is examining me. he says im watching you then he asks if im ok. of course i say i am. he says no your not, and of course now im getting nervous because it means its getting obvious that somethings up... i try to reasure him im fine and i tell him i just have a headache. and starts laughing and he finally asks me if im high?! WHAT?! me high??? during school? your kidding right? he thought i was high because i was acting sort of strange i had a "headache" and my eyes were red. i could see why he would ask if i was high. but honestly i was getting a headache from all the loud noise i was acting weird because i didnt want to be there. and as for my eyes they were still red and puffy from the night before (i was crying). Either way the school bell finally rings and i head straight for the media center. i was typing up a petition. cause i rolls like that GET ON MY LEVEL! ok so the petition was for Valentine because his parents decided he couldnt do terpsys. of course i know how well he can dance and if your serious about dancing terpsys is where you want to be. so apparently on the first practice he went to his bike got stolen. this has absolutly nothing to do with terpss because no one in terpsys could have stolen it since we were all practicing... and because his mom wasnt fully aware that he was staying after for terpsys. she was told that he was going to stay after for dance practice...which is the same thing. and i watched him call his mother and im 200% sure he told her he had terpsys practice. then the whole Miley relationship issue was still unfolding. which also has nothing to do with terpsys besides the fact that she was there. but they werent even in the same room the boys and the girls were seperated. his parents say they dont want him to travel with the group. but the trip is completly optional. meaning he doesnt have to go if his parents arent comfortable with it. i had the director of terpsys speak to his mother on the phone and she described how we get community service hours and she gets our grades at the end of every marking period to make sure no one is failing. if so she speaks to them and their parents to see what the next step is. whether its getting a tutor or having to drop the program. thing is Valentine gets good grades so...yeah. the petition has over 60 signatures on it of people who support Valentine and want him to be able to do terpsys. and if thats all not enough i have the Principal of the entire school about to speak to his mother also. there is no other reason for him not to. the principal of the school wants him to, classmates want him to, the director of terpsys wants him too. like c'mon now. you cant say that wont atleast make you reconsider it. all these people are working together to change your mind there has got to be a reason...has she not seen her son dance?! its mesmerizing! how could you hold him back like that? ive done my part i think organizing all of the reasons she shoud let him. every reason she gave for him not to do it was proven invalid at this point there is no solid reason he cannot do terpsys, besides she just simply doesnt want him to.after she gets the call from the principal and sees the petition, how can you possibly say no. what else is there he can do to prove its worth it? what does she want a persuasive essay??he should show her some of the terpsys videos that are online! anywayssss... i actually got home from terpsys practice not to long ago. it was an awesome practice we went over some of the dances that are done every year. and learned a new one. its a salsa piece. you know cause we like to spice it up like that! my feets are on the verge of death though. the skin under my big toe is ripping off progressively so that spot is very tender and out of nowhere my pinky toe started bleeding so all my toes are wrapped up and mummyfied! by the end of the season im not going to have any toes left. ugh and now for the comments... people are asking what i would say to shadow if i absolutly had to talk to him. like there is no way of getting out of it. ive thought about this for a long time. how i would even approach the situation. i kept drawing a blank at "umm...can we talk...like umm...alone...or something...is that okay... i mean we dont have too...its totally up to you. yoou know we dont even have to. yeah its awkward right? yeah so im just im gonna go. ok sorry to bother you. alright bye." honestly thats what happened in my head when i tried to imagine it. then i really sat down and thought about it. id probably say: "can we talk alone." end up telling him about the whole azzam rumor. and of course stammer throughout the whole thing because im partial terrified to hear what he would have to say about it all. id tell him i dont hate him, and i hope he doesnt hate me. i might tell him about the whole wingwoman thing. but i would leave out no details id tell him truthfully my opinion of my "friend." after that i guess that would be it. but thinking about it. it seems unneccesary to bring any of this up in conversation. because id know he wouldnt really care to hear what i have to say. or he would stop me at can we talk alone and be like "uhh no go away." you see how this all would end up being one awkward situation. maybe it would be cleansing. and at least i would have attempted but i feel like it might bother me. or id get too tongue tied and i would make no sense. or the worst thing of all id tell him everything. like no bullshit. completly everything im thinking and everthing thats happened. and he wouldnt say anything at all. like ZIP NADA ZILCH! that would probably drive anyone insane though. what do you think is going to happen with valentine and Miley? well honestly i think Shan and Miley are going to break up soon. and i think Miley has feelings for Valentine that she is afraid to tell him about it. i think he would be happy about her finally likeing him. but he would turn her down because he wouldnt want to be her second choice or her rebound and overall it would be too late because he wanted her and she just lft him hanging for some other dude. What ever happened to mr.Wisdom? ohhh wow hes a summer boy. you know what i mean. the guy who wont hit you up until its summer and your the next girl he is trying to get with. naa bro. im gucci lol. he hits me up very randomly like once a month though. and its usually a short conversation. he will go like all of my photos on facebook but not say a peep to me. and his older brother actually comments on my pictures on instagram and likes them more than he does. its strange. he texted me once simply to tell me he missed my accent. i have a british accent... then he responded again saying me misses me....right thats cute. lol its too late now ive moved on from you. sure we can hang, but thats really all we would be doing. Have you ever been intimate with mr.wisdom?is he a good kisser? what with all these questions about wisdom huh? you guys have a crush on him now? lol well truthfully yes i have. nothing serious and it was years ago. he doesnt like the word no. my guess is becasue he doesnt get it often. im abstinent and so that means no tochey below the equator bub! we were close for that summer and we went to the mall but we mostly stayed inside and made out. for what felt like hours. BUT AGAIN IT WAS YEARSSSSS AGO!!! i dont have feelings for him. he lives all the way in new york anyways. so i only see him when i visit my god sister. but when i do see him its like we have freedom to do whatever. so (years ago) he wanted to literaslly take a shower with me. and you guys know how much i take showers. he really wanted to take this shower for whatever reason. we somehow magically flew while making out from the couch to the bathroom. i told him i wouldnt take a shower with him. but he was persistent. like he was fighting me as we are aking out to take my shirt off. nonetheless i stopped him. and he took his shower lonely. i know your all screaming at me like i should have but i didnt want to get that intimate with him. he was cute but beyond that there was nothing. and i was too young to go too far beyond that. again this was all years ago *cough JD cough* did you delete the messages from Shadow? yes i did eventually. it was harder than i thought it would be. how are you and JD doing? finally a good question. we are doing well. hes pissed because i have communication issues. and reading my blog makes him feel bad becasue i dont talk to him. mind you its a VERY big deal to be able to see my blog in the first place. its a huge deal. the only thing is i dont go back to reread my posts and i dont like bringing it up in conversation. it freaks me out. i actually hate it. i know it seems messed up but thats how i am, im sorry. the blog is how i communicate. he will message me paragraphs trying to help. but you just cant. leave it alone and wait for it to work itself out. your not helping your actually sort of pissing me off. i considered changing my URL and not giving it to anyone so i wont have to worry about JD blowing it out of proportion or guessing if Shadow still reads it and whomever else who i know personally telling my business. but that also means you guys wont be able to find it. and you all would get pissed. but i like this URL ive had it since maybe 5th or sixth grade. since i uzed t2 tlk liek dis. so ill have to grin and bare him reading it but if it goes on too much longer i might just change it. besides that whole thing we have more good days than bad days. but i normally censor myself on here simply because i know he is going to read this. eventually im going to need to go back to writing freely. even if its hard for him to read because this blog isnt here for him. its for me. thats partially the reason i wrote out the mr.wisdom story...or well the parts i wanted to share on here. because you guys asked so i answered. i love JD. i dont question it. sure sometimes we get into it. but it never lasts long and i know i can trust him. he has good intentions. alright well ill answer more questions tomorrow... ive got a party to go to.. heyyyy :) -Blog ya later