Almost there...

What's going on this weekend!? So I went to my winter bash and it was sooo much fun...but I have to rewind to earlier Friday like second period... So a couple of days ago JD said he needed to "speak" with azzam. He did. I have no idea to this day what was actually said. All I know is azzam was pissed the next day at me. He wouldn't talk or even look at me. I tried to ask him like what's up what's going on why acting all shady for? He was not trying to have it. We were in the media center at the time and I could just tell he was mad at the world. So after he cursed the librarian out and stomped out the room. There was no hiding he was actually mad at me. I just wasn't truthfully sure why yet. And all day I tried to be nice and help him out he would ignore me . So finally I gave up and I told him tomorrow when your over this fake being mad at the world don't come to me because I was here all day to talk if you needed me. I'm done with you now. Like step off. And of course the. VERY next day which was Friday he comes up to me in gym like can we talk. And my immediate answer was no. But he was very persistent. Ok so our gym has a divider a wall that slides across and cuts the gym in half and this marking period he is (thankfully) on the other side of the divider. But his persistent self didn't even care if he was marked absent for not being in his floor spot. He comes over to my side and continually bothers me into talking to him. Mind you all of this is happening and shadow is like a mere ten feet away from us, in perfect view. He cant hear us I don't think. Either way azzam goes into this whole rambling apology and how he has this I just don't care attitude and he's gonna change and blah blah blah. But I wasn't really trying to hear that. So I walk out of the gym he follows me so I had to pretend like I left to get a drink of water do it didn't look like I was avoiding him. Even though I was trying to avoid the conversation. He follows me back into the gym and he is too close for comfort as usual. Like I'm litterally backing up towards the divider and he is trying to walk closer. It's all awkward. Awkward time and place it's awkward cause shadow is right there. And well truthfully I was mid conversation with another friend ABOUT shadow when azzam came up to me and started appologizing. And this girl I'm talking to firstly more shadows friend than mine but we are still cool. I was telling her about my awkward shadow azzam JD stories and she asked if me and shadow still talk. I told her we don't. She chuckles a little and she goes "oh that's because he is afraid of you" Like mind=blown. WHAT DO YOU MEAN? Why would he be afraid. He is like 6foot 2 and I'm like a midget compared to him what is there to be afraid of? She goes on and my head definitely spinning. I'm trying to process the whole thing and then azzam comes up and distracts me. I'm pissed off that he is even trying to make up for yelling at me the day before. And I was definitely pissed off because my conversation was definitely getting to its peak and I needed to know why shadow was afraid of me. So eventually I get azzam to stop talking and I go back over to my friend. And she goes "oh yeah he's afraid of you because he thinks you hate him...you know boys." My head might as well have rolled off my shoulders. And be used for an elementary kid kickball game. Like WHATTTTT?! Why how where? Nooooo! And at that moment I wanted to either get up and run out or run to hi. And just tell him I dont hat him and all Im just upset and hurt by what he did. But not really as upset. But I didn't I stayed glued to my spot stammering to my friend how I didn't hate him and slightly going half insane through out the rest of the conversation. Because I said nothing to him. I'm hoping she did the awesome friend thing and was like "yo shadow she's not mad at you so stop being afraid of her!" but I feel like it wasn't that important for her so it wouldn't come up in conversation. So I on the spot change the subject to the formal. Of course she was going with a group of friends. I half wondered if shadow would be there. And then I realized dances aren't really his scene you know? He's "too cool" for that sort of thing. Lol. Anyway fast forward to after school I stay after to help set up the student center with Rinny, Ellie, and eve. We hung streamers and lights and set tables and a whole bunch of things. We stayed there pretty much until the last possible second and the. We all rants my house to get changed. And ready. So of course we end up arriving fashionably late. JD ends up having to wait at the school for like an hour. I was looking good though. I had this tight black cocktail dress and patterned black stockings silver heels and silver jewelry and I smelled sooooo good. Because I took FOREVER in the shower. So we arrive and we walk through the hanging stars (ahem that I helped set up). And we get to the room and it looks beautiful. All the lights were off besides the Christmas lights surrounding the room and the dj booth that was lighting up. The music was amazing and for a school dance I had sooo much more fun than I thought I would have. We danced and sung and ate and repeated that process like three times. No sign of shadow as I predicted. And all was right with the night. I got home took some pictures which got record High likes in Facebook and ripped of my heels peeled off my dress hoped in the shower stayed their for like an hour than layer down and practically fell asleep. I was in an abnormally happy mood partially because I had terpsys the next day partially because it was an awesome party and partially because of what my friend told me in gym. It was almost like she answered the question of the day it was exuberating honestly. Things were all of a sudden making sense. I felt like I was finally standing all the way straight and the world wasn't so tilted and I wasn't anxious. It sounds bad that I was happy that shadow is afraid of me but that not it at all. I'm happy to know its not simply because he doesnt want to talk to me or he hates me or is trying to cut me off. He's just afraid. And you think with all the time I spend pondering why that him simply being afraid. Would have been a thought that crossed me mind. It never did. Nothing even remotely close actually. It felt like I had my answer like I had a form of fake closure. Ok that's it for now folks lol so til next time... -Blog ya later!