WHAT NOW?!

You people don't listen! What's with all these questions. Are you people obsessing over my ex...what's the deal? Number one question I see is if I would get jealous or upset if he dates my friend. Lol he can do whatever he wants, it truly has nothing to do with me. AT ALL! Then i get what would you say if he said he wants to get back together?! Honestly, it's cute that you guys have hope in is. And it's strange how you think my life is going to be some fairy take ending and we jump through the flowers and live happily ever after. It's all fantasy, as in it's not going o happen. You must not have read those messages from that earlier post. Then I get do I want to curse him out. If I wanted to curse him out I would have done it. But I don't hate him. Matter fact I can't hate him or anyone for that matter. It seems fake for a person to just suddenly hate someone just because they broke up. Yesturday you were just saying I love you and now you wanna act like you didn't even like that person...really quit being fake suck up your pride admit your mistakes and move on. you people crack me up seriously. For those who still even now don't seem t get it. No we aren't getting back together. No I don't hate him. No I don't want to curse him out. No I wouldn't be jealous if he got a new girlfriend. No to everything! Sheesh you people are worse than my parents, with all the questions and what not! Don't you have anything better to do rather than read about the drama and inner conflict of a highschool girl? Don't get me wrong I love you all but seriously I can't keep writing about him. It's driving me up the wall. He may read this still! Then what are you people going to do? Your going to hang your head in shame and appreciate that this isn't your drama. I can't even see who reads my blog you could all go to my school for I know. He could read my every word and get pissed or take it the wrong way hate me more. Honestly this is my blog and I write what I want. I'm not going to censor myself here especially if I can't tell other people about these issues. I like you guys though. You seem more real than some people I know. Annoying at times but curious and to that one girl who was trying to give me advice on how to seduce him back into my arms or whatever it was you were trying to say. I'm happy in my relationship and even if I wasn't I'm not capable of seducing anyone into doing anything! And it's funny that you think I could pull half of that stuff off. At least someone has faith in my seducing skills. Lol Ohh wait this was a good question. " when was the last time you looked him in the eyes." I think the last time I really just looked at him was around when we broke up. I didn't actually allow it to click in my brain that I was being dumped like old cafeteria food. I heard him but the words weren't I'm breaking up with you lets just be friends... I even hugged him before we walked different ways. I remember making it outside the door and I finally got it. It started to seep in. I didn't cry at that moment, but everything was just off. I didn't know where I was going or what I was trying to do. I remember walking in a circle around the school trying to get to my locker. And then getting into my car and not telling my mother. But writing on my blog as soon as I could. That post explained my confusion and understanding. I was confused because I was hurt and sad but yet I didn't cry or yell or curse I just wrote on my blog quietly. I wrote harsh words yet I didn't feel resentment towards him. I did feel that he was almost right in some ways. We rushed and things happened faster than I even could realize. But if we truly rushed into it. We should have noticed earlier before feelings could run deep. Ya know what I mean? Someone asked if I only write on my blog in hopes that he will read it and aproach me. I have a feeling you only think that because you believe if we do talk sparks will fly or some movie ccrap will happen...it won't. I know even if he reads every post he isn't rushing to come talk to me about the thesis of it all! He would have done it already. And he's got too much pride and I wouldn't know what to say, how to say it, or how to even hold the conversation. So for you #teamSHADOW people. Maybe you should talk to him and get his side of the story. My side is pretty biased... Or just abandon your hopes for rekindling past flames. IT'S TOO LATE. And on a completely different note totally unrelated I GOT MY PERMIT! It's pretty official and I can drive around legally and what not now. It's awesome!! I take my road test in April and im as ready as I can be. My parallel parking is doing well and besides that my overall driving is pretty good if I do say so myself. I cannot wait to have my license I'll be driving everywhere! No stopping me! I'm outta here y'all! -Blog ya later P.s. shadowers...you need to get a new hobby I'm sure this is not a logical thing to get time invested into! Lol Paycee!