I don't remember...

So I have posted in awhile but I have good reasons...so in my absent days I had my band concert and my dance ensemble concert.in dance practice recently I fell and hit my head on the wood floors but more importantly than that I started forgetting things...nothing major at first but it's gotten progressively worse and sometimes I don't know what I'm talking about in the middle of a conversation and I forgot things that happened a couple of months ago...which isn't so bad considering I forgot the end of my last relationship.it made me feel good for awhile until one day I forgot we had even broken up I was just about to go ask why he had moved his seat and had been ignoring me all period but then I realized why...I never left a classroom without asking first but that time I made an exception after realizing we had broken up I ran to the bathroom splashed some water on my face and tried to remember all that had happened and what I had done but I couldn't,until I read my blog when I got home later that day. So when I did get back home I decided that I wld never let that happen again...so I keep this pink journal with me I literally write every emotion in it...mostly bad feelings toward him so I can remind myself...incident number to I realized that I was right. He and my friend "tulip" are getting pretty close..and no jealousy even now because I'm not the jealous type of person.i even told her that they should date because they would make an amazing couple at first she was like what the hell? Shouldn't you be telling me the opposite but eventually she did admit that if he were to ask her out she would say yes. And I told her to go for it. I hope they are happy and it never ends and they never hurt each other or break up.i have my journal entry from that day and I get all emotional reading it because although I don't remember writing it I know I was probably hurt that I was right the whole time...I'll post the entry later.and then today during my rehearsal for the dance ensemble show that was tonight (and tomorrow night) my favorite teacher pulled me aside and he told me straight that he knows that my ex and I have some talking to do.he said he believes one of us needs closure..he didn't say who but he sort of hinted that it wasn't me which took me by surprise. I told him I have no problem talking but I doubt my ex will talk seeing as how we apparently haven't spoken in months in spite of the fact that he said "let's still be friends" he told me maybe I just need to listen and he will open up.part of me wants to believe it but I can't based on what I wrote in this notebook. I wish we had ended on a better note.everyone keeps bringing it up and it's like I see him more now than when we were actually dating. And sometimes it feels bad and sometimes I feel nothing not hurt not happy im just there. I know that I'll probably end up having to be the one to pull him aside. But I don't know how to talk to him anymore, I don't really know him anymore I spent months evading his mind and trying to get to know the real him and in a couple of weeks we were strangers.i just wanna give up on it. But something won't let me. Probably a nightmare I keep having or these notebook entry's or that it's always right in my face like he's holding a sign that says "hey bitch remember you used to love me?" but besides that life goes on and I know that truly if I were to die tomorrow JD and some close close friends would come to my funeral but outside of that no one would care. I realize not everyone thinks how I do. Like they always need to pick up the people who are hurting and fix all their problems.most people could careless. Whatever lemme wrap up this post so I can post up those journal entry's! -blog ya later!