ok i can explain why i didnt blog all weekend... i was pretty busy i went to shadows house on friday then again on saturday to meet his family! and sunday i went to my best (gay) friends birthday party ill explain what happened...
meeting shadows family was sooo awesome... my mom made a big deal outta wearing something special to impress them but i figure every time theysee me i won't look all fancy so its better they meet and like me for who i am now! which i guess was wrong since shadow thinks skirts are sexy!his uncle answered the door first exclaiming their was no shadow that lived at that address but being and cool as i am i told him well he lived here yesturday and about two seconds ago because i was jsut talking to him. i met two aunts and the most adorable little kids ever...the younger son could barely speak or thats what i thought till i realized he was danish... i couldn't tell if he was speaking that language or gibberish! Shadow and i mostly left the adults to their own conversation as we messed around taking videos and pictures on his fathers ipad! it was hilarious!we played video games and watched parts of the new fred movie...
anways on to the party:
so i arrive and i immediatley see a room full of girls... and food. more and more people show upand ironically enough "Zarah" (shadows ex girlfriend) walks in with "Tara"
personnally i have nooo issues with Zarah and ironically enough when she walks in she hugs me first instead of the birthday boy!
i quickly realize zarah and i are the ONLY straight people at the party....which wasn't as awkward as i thought it would be. but for the first hour i decided to hold up the wall in fear of losing my cool and full out dancing my butt off... so im swaying to the beat and i end up sitting down eventually when Zarah decides she wanted to sit on me! which of course brought her whole crew and their conversation over to where i was...then Tara sits on her and the birthday boy sits on her and were all just kinda stackked on each other! so i retreat back to my spot on the wall now my songg is on so im kinda grinding with the wall when Zarah comes over and starts grinding with me!!! still not awkward... then Tara tries to push me off the wall and we are all botty bumping each other for the wall spot then the birthday boy grinds on Zarah...trying to get in the party mood i challenged the birthday to a nicki off which if you dont know is when you rap the words of romans revenge in the face of the other person and try to "out rap them" once it got to the eminem part another girl tookmy spot rapping...this go tthe party started if you ask me
we all circle to the back of the house to his old swing set which is probably made for three year olds...we played truth or dare. "jalopy" was dared to lick the trash can which he did i was dared to act like a dude ironic since im the only straight one right!either way i walk around the whole house pants saggin hat backward straight g status...and come back birthday boy dared himself to give Jalopy a lap dance which he tried but Jalopy (who is bi) refused! he ended up giving one to Tara.
either way the strangest part was Zarah seemed to be sorta clinging to me throughout the party not being mean or rude or anything just there having normal conversations...she even invited me to her halloween party.she told me about some girl who was at the party who was flirting with her now current boyfriend...i was getting that "shes a hoe vibe" from the girl anyway. not because i was jealous but what she was wearing and how she was dancing just didnt help her case.i end up sitting on a couch with Zarah Tara and two other girls (who happend to be lesbians) Zarah on top of Tara and the other two girls sitting on one another. i was the only one sitting without a "partner" (thank god) they were giving lap dances and i couldtell Tara and the other girl were very satisfied by how red the faces were and how they were biting their lips and pulling their hair like they were being (sexually) tortured. everyone was kinda partnered off...
Zarah pretended to not notice the satifaction all over Taras face which leads me to believe Tara has a crush on Zarah who is not a lesbian but she has not told her about her attraction yet. I suppose Zarah suspects Taras crush on her by now but in order to keep the friendship from ending awkwardly she pretends not to notice....but yet she still gives tara lap dances and teases her... (poor thing)...
they told me i would be at least bi if not a lesbian by the time i left....i have never been sooo sure i like males in my whole life!
after i got home i was exhausted but i had homework to do then i had my ritual nigtly phone call with Shadow... i have sooo much fun being "evil" to him (in a good way)
i read this thing to him from cosmopolitan the most X rated magazine in history....i had him in the palm of my hand...then he had to go :( just my luck i wanted to see how far i could get him over the phone...not even sure why!
anyway i gotta make up for the days i missed so im gonna wrap this post up...
-blog ya later!
Monday, October 24, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
strangely me...
Ok i guess i am kinda likeing making all these lists... so heres a list of all the weird crazy spontaneous things i have done...
- Skipping while singing the national anthem through england! (this tops the list)
- cartwheeling throught the mall with only a bathing suit on...(it was a dare)
- buying a Hobo an orange (because i am awesome like that)
- Hid in a tree then scared my mom...
- walked through an open house...bernieing!! (youtube thing)
- learning all the words to some french song
- cursing my friend out in chinese
- convincing the crossing gaurd to buy me a cookie
- dancing on the table in the food court in the mall...
- walking into target with a mask on...(it wasn't halloween...i got questioned)
- punching a scare crow in the face (in my defense i wasn't expecting it to be a real person in there)
- calling the chinese food place back when they forgot to give me fortune cookie and forcing them to come back with 8!
- prank calling a radio station (what a contradiction)
- taking a basketball from someone at the park and challenging them to a one on one (i lost)
- trying to beat myself at chess...(very difficult i am a good oponent)
- learning the first 25 books of the bible
- refusing to speak for a week (it was second grade... a long sad story)
- walking to the park in the middle of the school day
- pretending to be a wax figure in the wax musem and scaring some girl...(best day ever)
- walking through the spy museum backwards convincing people i was deep undercover
- taking a quiz in invisible ink (i still got credit)
- putting a glowstick in a mountain dew bottle and sprinkling it on people telling then the power of christ compells you
- stealing a mini nail polish from deliahs (i was like six and in my defense it was purple...and i got to keep it after so ha)
- dressing as a male for halloween!
- putting foil on my teeth and pretending they were grills for a day
- putting love notes in my crushes locker (sixth grade)
- spraying my mom hair with die while she slept she doesn't know today!
- convincing some kid i was a vampire...it was a trick mirror and a fake picture of the room i was already in with out me standing there.
- conducting home experiments my hand was blue for a month!
- memorizing the preamble for a test and to impress some guy
- learning all the stats for a football team (once again for some guy)
- making a "flying machine (it was a paper kite)
- saying macbeth before a theater performance (only thater people know what i mean)
- staying in the apple store alll day (black friday 7 am-11pm) i made a new friend behinde there too
- having a mini unofficial flashmob down the streets in englewood.
- sneaking into a sweet sixteen (my mom works at a hotel soo i had the hook up)
- drinking soda and eating pop rocks...at the same time (when i was younger i thought it would eat through my tongue)
- laying down in the middle of the street watching the street light change (it was like midnight)
- sending a friend a pizza with m&ms on it that spelled happy birthday (anonomsly....on a day that wasn't her birthday)
- dropping mentos in my soda in the middle of a hallway...it got kinda messy
- planking on the escalator in the mall
- painting my dads nails pink!
- tricking my friend into believing i was sooo D1 at this video game...it was a video of someone else playing! (april fools)
- taking a college class for no reason (i just walked into BCC and sat down)
- instead of taking the bus too school i went to new york
- wearing light brown contacts convincing my teacher they were my real i color
- ordering chicken in a vegan restaurant
- going to a gay bar in the village
- learning the alphabet in german to win a bet
- trying to like justin bieber (hardest thing ever)
- screaming over the annoucments... i just picked up the phone thing and chose some classroom and screamed)
- going over the annoucments and telling my friend she had early dismissal
- we left to get pizza that day
- sitting on Abe Lincolns foot! His momument
- pelvis thrusting with the naked cow boy!
- starting a fist pump in the game stop
- sneaking up to the projection booth in the movies and making finger puppets on the screen...( everyone thought they were crazy)
- buying 20 spicy beef jerkies for a bet
- wearing a bald cap to school!
- accidentally wearing my bra outside my shirt
- meeting biggie smalls mother...shes cool
- unplugging my grandmother's internet because she was asking to many questions about her computer...
- dancing on a mat in harlem for money in competition with the guy who was already there we shard 50% of the profitt
- learning how to read palms...and eyes
- unwrapping a starburst in my mouth
- writing this list on my blog for the world to see
- pretending to be a mime for a day...everyone was sooo confused
- breaking some kids arm in karate class (sorry kid)
- breaking wood with my bare hands in karate class (now you see why i broke the kids arm so easily)
- playing rain roulett knowing a hurricane was comming...getting a monster cold later
- playing mrs.pac man all day at the movies (missing my movie) and getting the high score
- seeing a cokie frog in peutro rico and screaming in my defense i did not know they were that rare to see!
- an iguana was a stow away in my luggage when i left peutro rico i found it when we got on the cruise ship...we had to flush him :(
- watching fear factor live...it was nasty
- going to a nude beach seeing to many old naked people! (scarred for life)
Thats all i can think of at the moment... so till next time
-blog ya later!
Thursday, October 20, 2011
frustrated love...
Hey chikas,
Well i guess the best advice i could give is make a move!
75% of guys would rather you make the first move. And just how we get butterflies so do they its fine be bold! flirt a little...guys love it!flirting is a great way to get to know someone and understand their personality. just don't go too far to quickly and lead him on! it's all about body language...find an excuse to keep the conversation going and interesting (a game off 21 questions about you or would you rather or never have i ever).DO NOT i repeat DO NOT let the conversation get dry and boring or he will think your boring and try to avoid you.A simple hey what's up is usually a good way to start a conversation then just pack the conversation with questions! guys think we only like to talk and not to listen to whats happening in there lives. ask what they are interested in maybe your into that sort of thing to.
BEST WAY TO GET ON HIS GOOD SIDE:
sports
television shows
video games
Show you know something about these topics or ask him to explain certain things to you. and who his favorite player and team is. he can talk for hours! if you know nothing about sports and video games the internet is always a good source of info...fake it til you make it! look up the quater back of his favorite team and keep the conversation going based on his teams stats! Television shows are a great topic and sometimes you might find something you will like to watch with him!
If you don't know him at all...heres what you do its called the bump and flatter... you "accidentally" bump into him (not while he has a drink in his hand) and then say something like im sorry imma total clutz around cute guys! he will be totally flattered and if he is diggin you he will keep the conversation going.
another tactic is the "accidentally on purpose" you text him soo what are you going to do the weekend after he responds you say sorry that was ment for someone else but say if hes interested he can go with you somewhere!
Don't get clinggy and over excited it makes you look desperate... which isn't what we are going for we want it to seem like you have your options open and he's not number one. flirt tip use your eyes! you can enchant him and have him totally hooked all in the way you look at him! the final flirt tip is to use "the voice" that im so interested in what your saying and your soooo funny voice...keep your tone even and throw in giggles whenever he says something funny and excuse to flash him a smile is a good thing. Use other languages like french and spanish to be mysterious. he'll go nuts wondering what you were saying and never forgetting how you said it. even if you don't speak that language there is always google translate and rosetta stone!
these are the only things you need to do to keep him interested...just keep him guessing stay on the mysterious side! guys are used to being able to figure girls out give him the different personalities of you. the flirt the dork the nerd the mysterious one the sporty girl, party chic etc...
another way to keep it mysterious is to change up your style once in a while wear something no one will dare wearing! bring back old fashions and try out new ones like a tie, arm socks, or paint your nails really cool and funky so it will catch his eye and he will have to comment!
thats all for now for bye gurls...
xoxo
-loveguru
Well i guess the best advice i could give is make a move!
75% of guys would rather you make the first move. And just how we get butterflies so do they its fine be bold! flirt a little...guys love it!flirting is a great way to get to know someone and understand their personality. just don't go too far to quickly and lead him on! it's all about body language...find an excuse to keep the conversation going and interesting (a game off 21 questions about you or would you rather or never have i ever).DO NOT i repeat DO NOT let the conversation get dry and boring or he will think your boring and try to avoid you.A simple hey what's up is usually a good way to start a conversation then just pack the conversation with questions! guys think we only like to talk and not to listen to whats happening in there lives. ask what they are interested in maybe your into that sort of thing to.
BEST WAY TO GET ON HIS GOOD SIDE:
sports
television shows
video games
Show you know something about these topics or ask him to explain certain things to you. and who his favorite player and team is. he can talk for hours! if you know nothing about sports and video games the internet is always a good source of info...fake it til you make it! look up the quater back of his favorite team and keep the conversation going based on his teams stats! Television shows are a great topic and sometimes you might find something you will like to watch with him!
If you don't know him at all...heres what you do its called the bump and flatter... you "accidentally" bump into him (not while he has a drink in his hand) and then say something like im sorry imma total clutz around cute guys! he will be totally flattered and if he is diggin you he will keep the conversation going.
another tactic is the "accidentally on purpose" you text him soo what are you going to do the weekend after he responds you say sorry that was ment for someone else but say if hes interested he can go with you somewhere!
Don't get clinggy and over excited it makes you look desperate... which isn't what we are going for we want it to seem like you have your options open and he's not number one. flirt tip use your eyes! you can enchant him and have him totally hooked all in the way you look at him! the final flirt tip is to use "the voice" that im so interested in what your saying and your soooo funny voice...keep your tone even and throw in giggles whenever he says something funny and excuse to flash him a smile is a good thing. Use other languages like french and spanish to be mysterious. he'll go nuts wondering what you were saying and never forgetting how you said it. even if you don't speak that language there is always google translate and rosetta stone!
these are the only things you need to do to keep him interested...just keep him guessing stay on the mysterious side! guys are used to being able to figure girls out give him the different personalities of you. the flirt the dork the nerd the mysterious one the sporty girl, party chic etc...
another way to keep it mysterious is to change up your style once in a while wear something no one will dare wearing! bring back old fashions and try out new ones like a tie, arm socks, or paint your nails really cool and funky so it will catch his eye and he will have to comment!
thats all for now for bye gurls...
xoxo
-loveguru
love advice...giving it a shot!
hey guys,
this is the best advice you will get i promise you...only 3 words: FEMALES ARE SIMPLE!
every guy says we are soo complicated and mess with your heads...i won't lie we do mess with your head.
but thats because you force us to, you probably would'nt tell the truth otherwise(girl logic).
All of you think we want you to be is perfect and practically be a walking checklist...NOT TRUE
you don't need to be a prince or underwear model hot. only thing you really need is to be spontaneous!
DO NOT i repeat DO NOT procrastinate if you like a girl. it only drives you and her insane! wondering if the other person likes you. if shes flirting back chances are if you were to ask her out maybe to something cute and simple like the movies or the park she will say yes.AND IT IS PERFECTLY FINE TO BE SHY! we like it...we think its adorable!... unless your annoying with it in which case you might wanna practice a little first.and if your used to getting every girl you want put that out of your head now... you will end up clueless when one girl does not like you. on another note if you take my advice and begin dating promise me you will not cheat. sure u might get away with it at first but there is always a way for her to find out. just like in the movies you won't get away with it trust me! and the way you crush her heart she will do ten times worse when she dumps you. if you really liked her you wouldn't have fallen for someone else so don't convince yourself your inlove with two people
TOP THREE WAYS TO TELL IF SHE'S INTERESTED:
Shes always looking in your direction and pretends shes not when you look over
her friends will give off hints that they know she likes you
she will try to have your attention at all times.
SHE NOT INTO YOU IF:
she constantly tells you i don't like you (most guys think we are playing hard to get when truthfully we just don't like you)
she will ignore you and just walk away during your conversation
she will avoid having long conversations
BEST WAY TO KNOW IF SHE DOES LIKE YOU:
just ask her
ask her friends
or if your shy pass her a note odds are she'll think its adorable that your so spontaneous and thats all we need to be truly swept off our feet.
RELATIONSHIP DON'Ts:
don't break up with her impersonally (by: text/email, friend,napkin)
don't suffocate her she needs time with her friends
don't pretend to listen because later you will regret it just tell her hold on i need to do something or write down what she says or record the call..or something
DO NOT FORGET HER BIRTHDAY OR YOUR ANNIVERSARY!
FIRST DATE IDEAS:
movies
park
indoor picnic*
party
FIRST DATE DON'Ts:
restaraunt(because she will probably stick you with the bill)
walking(if you run out of things to talk about its awkward)
too much physical activity(your less atractive when your very sweaty and sticky and stinky)
this is the best advice you will get i promise you...only 3 words: FEMALES ARE SIMPLE!
every guy says we are soo complicated and mess with your heads...i won't lie we do mess with your head.
but thats because you force us to, you probably would'nt tell the truth otherwise(girl logic).
All of you think we want you to be is perfect and practically be a walking checklist...NOT TRUE
you don't need to be a prince or underwear model hot. only thing you really need is to be spontaneous!
DO NOT i repeat DO NOT procrastinate if you like a girl. it only drives you and her insane! wondering if the other person likes you. if shes flirting back chances are if you were to ask her out maybe to something cute and simple like the movies or the park she will say yes.AND IT IS PERFECTLY FINE TO BE SHY! we like it...we think its adorable!... unless your annoying with it in which case you might wanna practice a little first.and if your used to getting every girl you want put that out of your head now... you will end up clueless when one girl does not like you. on another note if you take my advice and begin dating promise me you will not cheat. sure u might get away with it at first but there is always a way for her to find out. just like in the movies you won't get away with it trust me! and the way you crush her heart she will do ten times worse when she dumps you. if you really liked her you wouldn't have fallen for someone else so don't convince yourself your inlove with two people
TOP THREE WAYS TO TELL IF SHE'S INTERESTED:
Shes always looking in your direction and pretends shes not when you look over
her friends will give off hints that they know she likes you
she will try to have your attention at all times.
SHE NOT INTO YOU IF:
she constantly tells you i don't like you (most guys think we are playing hard to get when truthfully we just don't like you)
she will ignore you and just walk away during your conversation
she will avoid having long conversations
BEST WAY TO KNOW IF SHE DOES LIKE YOU:
just ask her
ask her friends
or if your shy pass her a note odds are she'll think its adorable that your so spontaneous and thats all we need to be truly swept off our feet.
RELATIONSHIP DON'Ts:
don't break up with her impersonally (by: text/email, friend,napkin)
don't suffocate her she needs time with her friends
don't pretend to listen because later you will regret it just tell her hold on i need to do something or write down what she says or record the call..or something
DO NOT FORGET HER BIRTHDAY OR YOUR ANNIVERSARY!
FIRST DATE IDEAS:
movies
park
indoor picnic*
party
FIRST DATE DON'Ts:
restaraunt(because she will probably stick you with the bill)
walking(if you run out of things to talk about its awkward)
too much physical activity(your less atractive when your very sweaty and sticky and stinky)
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Why i love shadow...
Alright i know all of you are cursing me out because i did not truley finish my last post but it needs to be put on hold for this.... i racked my brain for awhile to figure out what to write today and now i know...
well earlier out of pure curiosity i asked for shadows facebook password...there was slight hesitation...but he did even say no... and he did not ask for mine. Im not a crazy girlfriend i promise i wasn't going to creep all over his page and accuse him of cheating or anything like that... actually if he had said no i would have been perfectly fine with it...anyways i told him all of this and he was like well i have nothing to hide go on it if you want to...so i went on just to really talk to some random people cause i do weird stuff like that....anyways so i decide lets see who he has messaged...ironically enough about 3 months ago i reconnected with a girl from my old dance competitions she added me and many other people on my friends list including shadow. she used to HATE me why because i would sort of end up winning against her in the competitions so she stole my boyfriend of a looooonnnggg time ago....either way i see that she was messaging shadow telling him he is cute and whatever (which he is not cute he is sexy) anyways they sort of end up talking about me and shes like ohh i know her we used to compete and crap...he wasn't telling her anything that made me nervous or insecure i totally trust him. more than i should people tell me! he could talk about other girls and i won't even give it a second thought. either way it makes me sorta frustrated to see this particular girl lying to shadow and telling him we were the best of friends and pushing up on my guy...(and once again i trust that nothing would happen ever) but the fact that i know what she is doing and she has (successfully) done it before.
BUt for some strange reason reading all of that made me love him even more...
now here comes the suuuuppperrrr complicated part....so while Eugene(ex senior bf) and i were dating they used to dislike each other. i told eugene he should make more of an effort you know because i did not want them to hate each other. they had conversations regularly...which i did not know until today....Eugene really did not trust me or him he was always asking Shadow if he liked me...of course out of respect he lied and said no which i found outlater in the conversation. Shadow later admits for having feeling for me to Eugene and he appologizes many many times for feeling this way (which gave me this crazy butterfly feeling in my tummy)
Eugene out of trying to make ammends tell shadow that he is allowed to tell me his feelings..
rewind to my point of view of this story....i was on the phone with Eugene when he told me he kknew who liked me but refused to tell...i wrote the post on facebook Shadow answered unknowing that i wanted advice on how to make Eugene tell me that my secret admirer was him! Shadow for the first couple of minutes tells me that the person will reveal himself in time but he probably wants to be respectful of the current realationship i was in....i did know at the time but if i did it would have been sooooo cute knowing how respectful he was being...then Eugene told him to admite his feelings for me...
And now things got complicated me being the crazy person i am i did not believe him at first then he assured me he wasn't lying. I was practically jumping around my room... but i felt guilty for being excited because aftter all i was still in a relationship (that was falling apart). we spoke for maybe ten more minutes before he asked me out...me not even thinking i said yes... Eugene finds out and flips out...
Reading the conversation he had with Shadow it almost seems like Eugene was out for Shadows blood... he was practically threatening him and Shadow was feeling like the biggest douche bag in history...but in his defense he did believe that he had Eugenes permisson to ask me out.
And reading and rereading how Shadow was appologizing and Eugene continued to get even more and more mad only made me think who is actually at fault here?
Okokokok i know im making it seem like shadow is a saint and Eugene is just a horrible terrible person... but the truth is Eugene never trusted me but he did truly love me and for that i am truly grateful he was there when others weren't he listened to and helped me with my problems and all around he was a good respectable boyfriend.... and shadow i dont have to even write how much good he has done for me... its like he saved me...from myself like i was putting myself down and he was the only one who could pick me back up again. But the fact is he never did ask Eugene for permission to ask me out or even if we were still dating...but the fact that he recognized what he did wrong and tried to fix it was fine enough for me...
and here we are three months and 17 days into a relationship and i could not possibly be any happier... I love him very much ... forever and always *08/02/2011*
well earlier out of pure curiosity i asked for shadows facebook password...there was slight hesitation...but he did even say no... and he did not ask for mine. Im not a crazy girlfriend i promise i wasn't going to creep all over his page and accuse him of cheating or anything like that... actually if he had said no i would have been perfectly fine with it...anyways i told him all of this and he was like well i have nothing to hide go on it if you want to...so i went on just to really talk to some random people cause i do weird stuff like that....anyways so i decide lets see who he has messaged...ironically enough about 3 months ago i reconnected with a girl from my old dance competitions she added me and many other people on my friends list including shadow. she used to HATE me why because i would sort of end up winning against her in the competitions so she stole my boyfriend of a looooonnnggg time ago....either way i see that she was messaging shadow telling him he is cute and whatever (which he is not cute he is sexy) anyways they sort of end up talking about me and shes like ohh i know her we used to compete and crap...he wasn't telling her anything that made me nervous or insecure i totally trust him. more than i should people tell me! he could talk about other girls and i won't even give it a second thought. either way it makes me sorta frustrated to see this particular girl lying to shadow and telling him we were the best of friends and pushing up on my guy...(and once again i trust that nothing would happen ever) but the fact that i know what she is doing and she has (successfully) done it before.
BUt for some strange reason reading all of that made me love him even more...
now here comes the suuuuppperrrr complicated part....so while Eugene(ex senior bf) and i were dating they used to dislike each other. i told eugene he should make more of an effort you know because i did not want them to hate each other. they had conversations regularly...which i did not know until today....Eugene really did not trust me or him he was always asking Shadow if he liked me...of course out of respect he lied and said no which i found outlater in the conversation. Shadow later admits for having feeling for me to Eugene and he appologizes many many times for feeling this way (which gave me this crazy butterfly feeling in my tummy)
Eugene out of trying to make ammends tell shadow that he is allowed to tell me his feelings..
rewind to my point of view of this story....i was on the phone with Eugene when he told me he kknew who liked me but refused to tell...i wrote the post on facebook Shadow answered unknowing that i wanted advice on how to make Eugene tell me that my secret admirer was him! Shadow for the first couple of minutes tells me that the person will reveal himself in time but he probably wants to be respectful of the current realationship i was in....i did know at the time but if i did it would have been sooooo cute knowing how respectful he was being...then Eugene told him to admite his feelings for me...
And now things got complicated me being the crazy person i am i did not believe him at first then he assured me he wasn't lying. I was practically jumping around my room... but i felt guilty for being excited because aftter all i was still in a relationship (that was falling apart). we spoke for maybe ten more minutes before he asked me out...me not even thinking i said yes... Eugene finds out and flips out...
Reading the conversation he had with Shadow it almost seems like Eugene was out for Shadows blood... he was practically threatening him and Shadow was feeling like the biggest douche bag in history...but in his defense he did believe that he had Eugenes permisson to ask me out.
And reading and rereading how Shadow was appologizing and Eugene continued to get even more and more mad only made me think who is actually at fault here?
Okokokok i know im making it seem like shadow is a saint and Eugene is just a horrible terrible person... but the truth is Eugene never trusted me but he did truly love me and for that i am truly grateful he was there when others weren't he listened to and helped me with my problems and all around he was a good respectable boyfriend.... and shadow i dont have to even write how much good he has done for me... its like he saved me...from myself like i was putting myself down and he was the only one who could pick me back up again. But the fact is he never did ask Eugene for permission to ask me out or even if we were still dating...but the fact that he recognized what he did wrong and tried to fix it was fine enough for me...
and here we are three months and 17 days into a relationship and i could not possibly be any happier... I love him very much ... forever and always *08/02/2011*
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Just because...
well lately shadow (my boyfriend if you don't already know) and I have been having "the talk" and noooo not like that awkward talk with your parents about STD's and where babies really come from... but the talk is where in a relationship you are perfectly fine with saying or asking anything without getting all blushy and awkward. we talk about everything and nothing all at once. It really is a breath of fresh air to knoww what is actually going through his mind...instead of playing that guessing game...we are now on a slightly more physical level now i think which most couples struggle to get to...but you see with my whole face reading mind powers i could tell what i had to do and when.(don't ask) But here comes the super tell all crazy secrets that normally are kept on the DL but since no one i know really reads this besides people i trust and random strangers who get bored and decide to creep on this random girls blog i think i will be fine :)
BUt for right now i gotta go to band rehersal....so hold that thought!
I'm back...so where was i...oh yeaa i was being all dramatic and what not, well im going to tell you guys something pretty personal my first unofficial and first official kiss...
my first unofficial kiss was in first grade with a kid named "Davie" (security reasons keep me from putting real names up). I came from a private kindergarden so i knew no one in first grade... he was the first person i met and we were playing with the legos he got stingy and took some of mine and i threw one at him and he was like ohhh snap this girls fiesty i like her....fast foward like 4 months into school we are about as serious as first graders could get like we were on that sharing juice boxing and crackers kinda level (which is a pretty big deal). when finally i asked him to be my friend who is a boy....meaning boy friend he blushed and then said yes later that day in recess... i told him to make it official he had to propose... so a week later he saved up all his quaters and bought me a ring.... you know the kind i mean a ringpop!!! and he slid it on my finger and kissed my cheek and said now we are friends of each other who are girls and boys...which meant we are dating...
i broke up with him in thrid grade cause we were getting a little too serious you know what i mean he was alll lets play in the sand AND HOLD HANDS... imm like what kinda girl do you think i am....im not a ore (which meant whore) you can boss around...i blame television for my bad language!
and my 1 sort of official kiss was with this guy maybe two or three summers ago... i knew just about as much you could know about a person in three days. for security purposes lets call himm..."Tom" he was cute but i wasnt the girl who was all easy to get to i was all mysterious and what not...anyways he did this thing where he would look me in the eye and say i am 50 now you come 50 (which is a line from hitch starring will smith) it meant he wanted me to kiss him...i pretended i had no clue what he was talking about cause i was pretty nervous i mean he was a year older and i had only known him for like maybe a week now... either way i guess i got tired of waited for me to participate my 50% so he looked at me and said forget it illl come 100% for you... he kissed me and this was unlike anything i had ever experienced before...i could quite understand it...then the unthinkable happened...we went from kissing to french kissing...me being as unexperienced as i was i tried to make it seem like i knew...but after awhile i pulled away. he looked confused as if it had never happened to him before exspecially not someone younger than him. well he came back for more seeing as now i guess his pride was on the line... so thinking back to all the sappy romantic comedys i had watched in my life i copied what i saw... and i guess i was pretty good at it...he pulled away later and his face was all red i could not have possibly prepare myself for what happened next...two things happened which put me into some sort of shocked state
1) he asked if i believed in abstenince...which i immediatly without questioning or thinking it over in my mind said yes i believe to people should be in love before engaging in such deep relationship milestones!
2) i asked why he was red and he told me he could never tell me because it was to embarassing so he stood up and there it was...the first time without their being some sort of hilarious sexual pun delivered by some famous person in a movie...he was...dare i say "aroused" (for the less advance people he was hard...as a rock)
i know this is just as awkward for me to write as it is for you to read because the moment was actually just as it seems... i was frozen unable to move unable to process anything when i got up kissed his cheek and whispered and for the young girl i am i know what i am doing...i threw him a pillow and confidently walked out....i could feel him staring me down as i left him all alone to deal with his male issues...ironically it took it a long time to come out of the room but whatever he was actually doing in there we can leave up to your imagination.
And now for the first partially official first kiss story this is about a person that you all should know...he is the senior i told you about earlier.... now writing this i am already regrettting telling the story because i KNOW shadow will be reading this soon and he personally hates this senior...
well i had invited the seniorwho i am going to call ummm..."eugene" because i am an evil person and its not exactly the mnost attractive anme out there...sorry to all the eugenes out there reading this!!! welll either way Eugene had come over to my house only once before and this time i had invited him and other seniors (cause i was a pimp...not really) to my house for a movie day cause my mom would never let that happen at night with a bunch of seniors...it endedup happening in my ohh to girly purple room cause the TV downstairs didnt work and i could just send everyone home. it was awkward sitting next to him cause he was all stiff next to me and everyone had kinda forced us to sit next to each other on the bed...(sorry shadow) either way his twin sister was at the door and everyone was going down to greet her when he stopped me and pulled me back i knew even before i looked at him what this meant... he leaned in but me being the confident person i am i just rested my forehead on his and looked into his eyes for a second....he looked kinda desperate to kiss me at the moment so i finally just kissed him...it wasn't long because everyone was comming back upstairs...and it was weird because even though i wasn't the most experienced person ever i knew he had been outta practice!....well this is gotta be finished later cause i got a butt load of homework to do!
BUt for right now i gotta go to band rehersal....so hold that thought!
I'm back...so where was i...oh yeaa i was being all dramatic and what not, well im going to tell you guys something pretty personal my first unofficial and first official kiss...
my first unofficial kiss was in first grade with a kid named "Davie" (security reasons keep me from putting real names up). I came from a private kindergarden so i knew no one in first grade... he was the first person i met and we were playing with the legos he got stingy and took some of mine and i threw one at him and he was like ohhh snap this girls fiesty i like her....fast foward like 4 months into school we are about as serious as first graders could get like we were on that sharing juice boxing and crackers kinda level (which is a pretty big deal). when finally i asked him to be my friend who is a boy....meaning boy friend he blushed and then said yes later that day in recess... i told him to make it official he had to propose... so a week later he saved up all his quaters and bought me a ring.... you know the kind i mean a ringpop!!! and he slid it on my finger and kissed my cheek and said now we are friends of each other who are girls and boys...which meant we are dating...
i broke up with him in thrid grade cause we were getting a little too serious you know what i mean he was alll lets play in the sand AND HOLD HANDS... imm like what kinda girl do you think i am....im not a ore (which meant whore) you can boss around...i blame television for my bad language!
and my 1 sort of official kiss was with this guy maybe two or three summers ago... i knew just about as much you could know about a person in three days. for security purposes lets call himm..."Tom" he was cute but i wasnt the girl who was all easy to get to i was all mysterious and what not...anyways he did this thing where he would look me in the eye and say i am 50 now you come 50 (which is a line from hitch starring will smith) it meant he wanted me to kiss him...i pretended i had no clue what he was talking about cause i was pretty nervous i mean he was a year older and i had only known him for like maybe a week now... either way i guess i got tired of waited for me to participate my 50% so he looked at me and said forget it illl come 100% for you... he kissed me and this was unlike anything i had ever experienced before...i could quite understand it...then the unthinkable happened...we went from kissing to french kissing...me being as unexperienced as i was i tried to make it seem like i knew...but after awhile i pulled away. he looked confused as if it had never happened to him before exspecially not someone younger than him. well he came back for more seeing as now i guess his pride was on the line... so thinking back to all the sappy romantic comedys i had watched in my life i copied what i saw... and i guess i was pretty good at it...he pulled away later and his face was all red i could not have possibly prepare myself for what happened next...two things happened which put me into some sort of shocked state
1) he asked if i believed in abstenince...which i immediatly without questioning or thinking it over in my mind said yes i believe to people should be in love before engaging in such deep relationship milestones!
2) i asked why he was red and he told me he could never tell me because it was to embarassing so he stood up and there it was...the first time without their being some sort of hilarious sexual pun delivered by some famous person in a movie...he was...dare i say "aroused" (for the less advance people he was hard...as a rock)
i know this is just as awkward for me to write as it is for you to read because the moment was actually just as it seems... i was frozen unable to move unable to process anything when i got up kissed his cheek and whispered and for the young girl i am i know what i am doing...i threw him a pillow and confidently walked out....i could feel him staring me down as i left him all alone to deal with his male issues...ironically it took it a long time to come out of the room but whatever he was actually doing in there we can leave up to your imagination.
And now for the first partially official first kiss story this is about a person that you all should know...he is the senior i told you about earlier.... now writing this i am already regrettting telling the story because i KNOW shadow will be reading this soon and he personally hates this senior...
well i had invited the seniorwho i am going to call ummm..."eugene" because i am an evil person and its not exactly the mnost attractive anme out there...sorry to all the eugenes out there reading this!!! welll either way Eugene had come over to my house only once before and this time i had invited him and other seniors (cause i was a pimp...not really) to my house for a movie day cause my mom would never let that happen at night with a bunch of seniors...it endedup happening in my ohh to girly purple room cause the TV downstairs didnt work and i could just send everyone home. it was awkward sitting next to him cause he was all stiff next to me and everyone had kinda forced us to sit next to each other on the bed...(sorry shadow) either way his twin sister was at the door and everyone was going down to greet her when he stopped me and pulled me back i knew even before i looked at him what this meant... he leaned in but me being the confident person i am i just rested my forehead on his and looked into his eyes for a second....he looked kinda desperate to kiss me at the moment so i finally just kissed him...it wasn't long because everyone was comming back upstairs...and it was weird because even though i wasn't the most experienced person ever i knew he had been outta practice!....well this is gotta be finished later cause i got a butt load of homework to do!
Monday, October 17, 2011
Trainwreck of love...
Okay this is the third post of the day and by far the most urgent one! soo for respect of my friends i am not going to tell you their real names... so my friend "amber" and "Tim" have been dating for awhile and its cool cause their in band and me and my boyfriend in band and out of privacy on here i will be calling him... Shadow (because its all mysterious and sexy sounding) either way tim broke up with amber today...his reason:
"she has been getting on his nerves and i kinda like someone else"... which because i truly know the phsycological meaning behind this statment what he MEANT was... because i like someone else i make up silly things to get mad at Amber about so i can break up with her. Well either way it got me thinking that certain people seem one way and end up being a totally different person... which in turn makes what i am about to write clearly hypthetical...
But if i were in Ambers shoes i am not too sure if i would have let Tim get off the hook so easily...not without talking his ear off and finding out the true reason... you see because tim did not really try to help their relationship he kinda just gave up on it when things got rough which seems like a sign to me...and secondly i would need to know what (or whom) brought on this "sudden change of heart."
then my mind wandered into a corner that i will never reopen after i write this... shadow (see how sexy that sounds) and Tim are friends what if shadow were to reinforce this "sudden change of heart movement"...like what if what happened to tim and amber had happened to me and shadow (still sexy). not because i doubt the strength of our relationship but because i am only human and seein how quickly things went down hill for Amber...theres a perfectly good reason for any normal person to take a step back and look at their own relationship.
Either way i have this thing where i refuse for things to be awkward between me and any of my exes so i always find away to get closure which brings me to how Amber will get her closure,
and shadow's(i made it bold because its sexy!) past relationship troubles...
and this is the love advice person comming out of me but it was never a healthy relationship to begin with if you don't have the balls (or lady balls) to get yourself some closure....
closure comes in many forms such as getting or giving back articles of clothing...or simply talking over what went wrong. and option number two is for the more gutsy kinds of people... people who never get closure seem to never forgive the ex and hold grudges towards them which are completely unnessecary...
if you cannot walk into the same room as your ex and think something postive towards them or nothing at all then you my friend need closure because face it its not like you are never going to see each other again. without getting closure there might always be an underlying feeling or emotion towards that ex that though you refuse to admit it will remind you of the things you have been trying to deal with all along on your own. owning up to your mistakes is the hardest thing to do in my opinion...but recently i had a heart to heart with my ex who is in college... he told me he still had feelings for me which is perfectly normal because after webroke up we had not talked or seen each other... things were kinda awkward at first but we disscussed what went wrong and why things are the way they are now...and thats how we both got closure.
I believed Tim and Amber were the "cute couple" let me explain what i mean by the "cute couple" that couple looks happy and they are cute together and everyone remarks on the cute awesomeness as a couple but they actually do not communicate the right way. This leads to a boring relationship... and "the break." the break is that unintentional innocent break in the feelings or emotions toward their signifigant other... and that one break can cause feelings for someone else...
as you can probably tell these people are my good friends and because i have them both for band in the same section and i know not everyone thinks like me i know they won't get the proper closure so it will be pretty awkward for all of us next band class...
"she has been getting on his nerves and i kinda like someone else"... which because i truly know the phsycological meaning behind this statment what he MEANT was... because i like someone else i make up silly things to get mad at Amber about so i can break up with her. Well either way it got me thinking that certain people seem one way and end up being a totally different person... which in turn makes what i am about to write clearly hypthetical...
But if i were in Ambers shoes i am not too sure if i would have let Tim get off the hook so easily...not without talking his ear off and finding out the true reason... you see because tim did not really try to help their relationship he kinda just gave up on it when things got rough which seems like a sign to me...and secondly i would need to know what (or whom) brought on this "sudden change of heart."
then my mind wandered into a corner that i will never reopen after i write this... shadow (see how sexy that sounds) and Tim are friends what if shadow were to reinforce this "sudden change of heart movement"...like what if what happened to tim and amber had happened to me and shadow (still sexy). not because i doubt the strength of our relationship but because i am only human and seein how quickly things went down hill for Amber...theres a perfectly good reason for any normal person to take a step back and look at their own relationship.
Either way i have this thing where i refuse for things to be awkward between me and any of my exes so i always find away to get closure which brings me to how Amber will get her closure,
and shadow's(i made it bold because its sexy!) past relationship troubles...
and this is the love advice person comming out of me but it was never a healthy relationship to begin with if you don't have the balls (or lady balls) to get yourself some closure....
closure comes in many forms such as getting or giving back articles of clothing...or simply talking over what went wrong. and option number two is for the more gutsy kinds of people... people who never get closure seem to never forgive the ex and hold grudges towards them which are completely unnessecary...
if you cannot walk into the same room as your ex and think something postive towards them or nothing at all then you my friend need closure because face it its not like you are never going to see each other again. without getting closure there might always be an underlying feeling or emotion towards that ex that though you refuse to admit it will remind you of the things you have been trying to deal with all along on your own. owning up to your mistakes is the hardest thing to do in my opinion...but recently i had a heart to heart with my ex who is in college... he told me he still had feelings for me which is perfectly normal because after webroke up we had not talked or seen each other... things were kinda awkward at first but we disscussed what went wrong and why things are the way they are now...and thats how we both got closure.
I believed Tim and Amber were the "cute couple" let me explain what i mean by the "cute couple" that couple looks happy and they are cute together and everyone remarks on the cute awesomeness as a couple but they actually do not communicate the right way. This leads to a boring relationship... and "the break." the break is that unintentional innocent break in the feelings or emotions toward their signifigant other... and that one break can cause feelings for someone else...
as you can probably tell these people are my good friends and because i have them both for band in the same section and i know not everyone thinks like me i know they won't get the proper closure so it will be pretty awkward for all of us next band class...
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