That girl

That Girl

We got that “waiting in the clinic” silence
That “ssssssssssh, don’t tell nobody what we did” silence
And I’m so tired of being your hamper that
I’m almost about to dump out those week-old ketchup stain secrets and
Do laundry in that silence
You like keeping it quiet
But my vagina is not your walk-in closet
You wanna stuff your unmentionables through me
Want a place to hang up your insecurities
Want me to keep check of your hand-me-downs and
Pradda women from every occasion
And put me back behind closed doors in the darkness
Nobody knows you hold my hand
Nobody knows I call you baby
And nobody knows you write anonymous poems about me
The type you can’t post on facebook
Because regardless of what you may think
I’m worth of what you may think I deserve
I will never be
That girl
The girl who’s only out to make you smile
When she’s making you orgasm
That girl
Who’s day job is day dreaming and waiting for her night job
That girl
Who’s so in love, she will turn her body over for your superficial touch
You hide me behind locked doors and bed sheets
Because if you dare reached out then
Everybody would know that it was still about me
Livin’ in your heart and in your mind
You’re still wrapped up in me
My tear ducts- you owned them
My heart says you got them tied around your pencils and fingers
Yeah, you may say “it’s over”
And you may never admit that you love me
But you don’t have to
Cause the silence speaks volumes
You wanna hold me in your arms, rock me to sleep
Then act like you don’t know me
As if the moments we spend together
Are some kind of downpayment
As if my bedroom were lay-away
And that’s all you ever do, is lay away
Curl up beside me but in the morning
Pull up the hoodie and run the other way
I’m like that bastard child
The reason why daddy never stuck around in the first place
But for me, rejection doesn’t come every other weekend
It comes when you lower your head and pass by without speaking
And I remember there was a time where you could barely take your eyes off me
I just don’t understand why it’s not okay for you to love me
I guess you just want me to be
That girl
The girl who everyone wants to sleep with
But no one wants to be with
That girl
Only good enough for finding a suitable replacement
And I’m trying to make up for the mistakes
But you convince yourself that
She means everything and
You wouldn’t even do it
I mean – Come on, baby, she looks just like me
Read the signs
Or at least
If not
The facial features
Cause I was your first, your only
The prototype and she’s just the duplicate
And you can never make copies
Without first consulting the blueprint
You know what they say,
“The sequel’s never better than the original”
And she tries to write you stories
But you know they’re only half as good
So, half squinting, you only hold her half as tight as you should
Because your other half is tangled in my bed sheets
And your other half is complete within my mind, soul and body
And your other half is French-tounging me Monday through Friday
I’m not fighting for joint-custody
I’m fighting for respect
Because I will never be content with being your “back-door hoe”
Your “something on the side”
Your “something to do during those lonely nights”
Your “closet freak”
You will never reduce me to a skank and a whore
And though I love you,
I’d rather spend every night crying all over my bedroom floor
Than ever be
That girl