All about me

ok i have noooo idea why i am writing this but i feel like i will be liberated from myself if i do soo here it goes:

• my parents are divorced... and it kills me





• i have never been drunk





• never done drugs





• i'm insecure at times





• people get on my nerves but i can't hate...anyone





• i used to get bullied





• i had a gap in my teeth





• my hair used to be really poofy





• my mom picked out my clothes all through elementary school!





• i get good grades





• in sixth grade i had the chance to get my book published





• i write everything down...





• by looking at your facial expression i can normally tell your mood





• i have an obsession with giving advice





• people i just met seem to trust me more than usual





• i have a penpal who lives in south Africa





• i dance i play the flute





• sing (unofficially in the shower)





• i have syncope





• my friends are the best





• im kinda rough





• i like my guy to tell me exactly whats he wants/likes





• honesty is the best policy





• ive got an addiction to chocolate





• i have some strange talents





• i have awesome nail painting skills and i love when people notice





• i get nervous super easy





• im ticklish EVERYWHERE!!!!!





• i love being hugged around the waist from behinde





• i havethis crazy idea for a flash mob in the mall and in school for no reason





• I am not a homophobe





• i like to color....cuz imma big kid ;P





• i never personally have drama





• My favorite color is purple



• Feet freak me out



• I love my boyfriend very much


• If i could have anything in the world i would want for every person to be happy...(i know it sounds sappy but i really do mean it)


• something almost no one knows is: i have no gag reflex because i had my tonsils taken out when i was young (get your mind outta the gutter you nasty)



• I like change



• thinking about dying my hair a dark shadowy purple



• i love when i guy grabs myy butt...my guilty plessure ;)



• TO BE CONTINUED...

Just something i wrote...

I know this sounds like it should be a song but i can't write a tune...


The tears i cry
Are not for me
but for what is left of you
Because all i'm left with
are pieces of a broken heart...


To BE continued...

Have you ever...

Have you ever fell so hard for one guy? no... well let me explain the feeling...

So you meet him for the first time your eyes meet and you insantly need to know him...all of him. You find he has a sense of humor and you are addicted to just talking to him even if its about nothing... You obviously know that you have to turn up the charm factor and smile extra bright and show him things that make you stand out... b ut at the same time you must be mysterious...he has to feel like there is always something new about you that is unique to you.

Either way i met him at a party i knew i had him in some of my classes but i had never REALLY spoken to him until this day. he comes up after his brother and their talking about girls who can dance and who are flexible for whatever random reason... i decided to join the conversation because i've had my fair share of dance lessons in my life. We walk and talk and laugh for the whole party until i accidentally stumble into this guy who was dancing in front of the DJ.

This dancing guy instantly wants to have a dance battle with me... at first i am reluctant but after some reassuring words from my friends i was fully engaged in a full out dance battle... Im not going to lie he was a great dancer but i had the crowd on my side :) so i incorporated my surronding (A.K.A i stole his hat and continued to dance around with it) i ended up winning two things... the dance battle and all of his attention.

We began talking in class and his friends moved their seats closer to where i was... but i didnt care for them i cared for him because he was untouchable it was almost as if i did not faze him my powers of seduction did not affect him... he had not moved closer to me. His friend grew interest toward me but the longer He resisted me the more i wanted him

The sad thing is i could not wait forever... he had a girlfriend already and i was sort of interested in this senior who i ended up going to Prom with and dating...

I noticed something about him was different. he was smiling but it was almost as if he was dying on the inside... i instantly became aware of this change in attitude and became sensitive to his facial expressions...

i messaged him one day asking if he was ok because he seemed upset...

as i suspected he was having relationship issues... but i just could not stand to look into those big brown eyes filled with sadness... so even though i wanted him all to myself i gave him advice on how to get his girl back...she was indifferent almost as if she were into someone else and he was just in the way...

they had a Huge falling out...she was unfaithful and everyone knew but no one told him. they broke up long story short and i knew i had to help him cope with these feelings

I do not know why to this day i was so compelled to help this mysterious guy i met at a party...
I had relationship probllems of my own but i did not even care when he was around.

And then came that one faithful day.... i was on the phone with my senior boyfriend of the time and he confesses to me that he knows who likes me... of course being a naturally curious person i ask who and interrogate him to tell me who. BUt to no avail he never spoke a hint of my secret admirer. i decided i needed some advice so i posted on facebook i neeeded male advice... many people responded to my post but i only cared for one who had responded first saying "POOF im here whats wrong." i explained the whole situation and he just told me that the person would probably reveal himself in time... but he probably wanted to be respectful of her current relationship. behinde my back my senior Boyfriend and him were speaking to each other when my boyfriend of the time gave him permission to tell me who it was...

IT WAS HIM :D at first i could not believe it... but he assured me he meant what he was saying...but how would i know that he would also ask me out that day right there and then... i was frozen... brain not functioning fingers not proccessing eyes in shock as i read the line over and over again... finally without thinking or without debating consequenses i said yes quickly forgetting that i was in a (failing) relationship.

OkOk i know what your thinking... she didnt even love this guys she just used him shes heartless... im never reading this blog ever again... but it is not like that. in the beginning of the year i was truly infatuated with this senior but he was insecure about himself... and he continually question my faith toward him until i finally snapped yelling at him that he did not trust me...

from my point of view i am the person that would go to the supermarket and the check out lady would spill her life story to me when i was nine...and people i met just seemed to trust me instantly...so i could never fathom a reason for this one person to not trust me. he had let all of his friends convince him of things that were never true...

either way i had argued this point on the phone with my now ex... for at least three hours... but how could he be mad at me if he had pushed me into the arms of my admirer.Nontheless i had to put my admirer on hold...and get my heart out of my ass and fix the situation... my father was always opposed to me dating much less going to prom with a senior as a freshman in highschool... my father had not giving his blessing to this relationship and had forbid me from ever dating or speaking to him ever again the previous day. i told the senior my dad would give his final judgment the following monday but we all knew where his answer was headed.

Well lets just say we were over... and i knew it destroyed him inside to know that we could no longer be but i couldnt help but wonder how my admirer felt... was he still waiting for me...did he still feel the same or did he find another mystery girl at some party in a park?

i needed to release all of these bottled up feeling some other way... i participated in a musical production of FAME in my local theater and took dance lessons every day of the summer. When my admirers brother messaged me one day out of the blue asking if i wanted to go to the movies with him his brother and a bunch of friends...i immediately said yes and before i knew it i was on my first unofficial date with my future boyfriend... the movie didn't even matter once his long strong arm stretched over and he clutched me to him i layed on his shoulder and i felt so safe so secure...like all my problems just blew away...

fast foward a month after countless messaging back and forth i am invited to his HOUSE for a scary movie night... i personally cant even watch scary movies they freak me out...but i did not care i went anyway full intentions of peeing in my pants from being so afraid... until that moment when he told his friend to get up so he could sit next to his Girlfriend...my heart stopped and he looked over at me probably to see my reaction to these words but from the goofy smile i had he could tell i was perfectly fine with this :) i mark this as the day we truly got togeter *080211*

he was forever mine and i was forever his and the rest belongs in a textbook for females and males everywhere titled.... How to love...for dummies!

I love you...but you love freedom

Help me
I think im falling
In love again
When i that crazy feeling, I know
I'm in trouble again
Cause your a rambler and a gambler
and a sweet-talking-ladies man
and you love your lovin
But not like you love your freedom...

What am i
supposed to do
when the best part
of me was always you
What am i
supposed to say
when im all choked
up and your okay...
I'm falling to pieces

Lost in translation:

MOM VS. DAUGHTER:
Me and my mom are really really close but we argue just like every1 else.
But the thing is i am really responsible compared to classmates and situation so my theory is because there is nothing for her to be mad at she just gets angry and worked up over nothing. because it would just be inhumane for a mom and daughter to go their whole lifes with out arguing.
we have argued over: my hair, my room (which sounds normal but she is british and my room is one of those rooms where when parents drop there kids off here they scold the kids and say why can't you keep your room neat like hers?), sweat, mail, garbage, my dog etc... but the argument is not the worst part... the bad part is when she finishes spazzing out on me and says well maybe we should get rid of this dog since you don't love her, or my favorite well maybe we should move into a smaller house so you will bring in the mail, maybe we should just cut all your hair off so we won't have to argue over getting bangs, your room is soo messy maybe we should switch rooms. why is she constantly threatening to take stuff away knowing fully well that it doesn't even make sense.
the other day i walked home from school which is unusual because she never lets me walk be cause we live "to far and she doesn't want anything to happen." i call her and tell her me and my frends are going to the park (which happened to be across from where i lived anyway) and passing by our old middle school we decide to drop by and visit old teachers. before i even walk in i text her saying is it ok if i go to TJ first? she responds something like : yea im goin to the supermarket.
i go and visit my teachers and stuff look at how small the lockers are and reminise about the good ole days with my chickas! walking home i call my mom saying well i am walking home i should be there in like ten minutes. she starts ranting where were you why did it take you so long i tell her i was at TJ. she gets frustrated and says why didn't you tell me u were going there i was circling the park and i didn't see you your my one and only child i can't afford to lose you...blah blah blah!
AKA she was mad at me for not telling her where i was. i get home later after hanging at the park and my mom calls me and says you better go walk that dog. which i don't object to i ask my frends to walk her with me so i open my front door just as my mom is comming down stairs and can see us. she backs out of sight then says in a harsh tone "i know there is no one with you" my frends pick up the vibe and get scared.
she explains for me to use the back door and get nala to walk her. mind you walking from the highschool home is like a 3 mile walk and it wsa at least 85 90 degrees that day. so i get to the base ment and pick nala up and attempt to go upstair to pick up water for me and my 2 gurls, but she had locked us down there and we had to just leave. i walk nala with them and they both get home safely and what not. but then more drama happens when i get inside
She sits me down and says i always say turn your fone on after school and tell me where your going and blah blah blah.... which i did i changed plans but i texted her and she responded... little did i know that she had never recieved my text and was just telling me she wasn't at home. she says then well i also tell you that my fone is old and if i don't respond to your text that means i haven't gotten it! but how was i supposed to know that she hadn't gotten it when she did text me something that pertained to what i texted her? we argue how there is no way i would have known that and i did nothing wrong technically because i told her where i was going and asked first if it was ok...it was not my fault she did not get my text...
later she gets on me saying i hadn't picked up the mail in a month and she "had proof" but i showed her the mail on the bed...it wasn't mail for her that is why you didnt get any! she tells me that i have no stress to worry about and school is easy and whatever!... this same day i argued with my dad 2 hours over whether i would be allowed to date my boyfriend anymore... i had just finished finals and a last minute assignment (not bc i left it for a long time but be cause they gave it to me and told me to finish it for tomoro). I ended up finishing my project and breaking up with my boyfriend which was very painful and sad! and i will miss him but we had our share of arguing which happened to be during finials week but since he was a senior he did not have to take them he kept me up all night arguing no sleep at all! if this isn't stress idk what really is then!

love...on the real

When i first saw you i was a afraid to talk to you, when i first talked to you i was afraid to like you. when i first liked you i was afraid to love you, when i first loved you i was afraid to lose you.
Its funny how much of an impact you have on me. It's like when i see you you dont need to speak. All you can do is smile and it can make my day...thats how i remember my reasons for loving you. And all tho my heart is broken i still love you with every piece
Love: giving someone complete power to destroy you but trusting that they won't.

things i was thinking...

Did you ever fall for someone you knew you shouldn't
try hard to fight your feeling, but you couldn't
you fall deeper with each passing day
but try to hide it in every possible way
He's only a friend and nothing else--
thats the lie you keep telling yourself
you keep on saying he's just a bud
but deep inside your falling in love
you get so get so giddy when you meet his eyes
you keep reminding yourself it isn't right
a simple glance turns into a stare
but you pretend you don't care
it's not right for you two to be
is that why you hide is so no one can see
but how long will you pretend?
keep lying that he's just a friend?
perhaps your feelings can never show
perhaps it's wrong for him to know
your friendship can't be risked over this
but what if it ends in pure bliss?
being his girl must be my impossible wish...