This is more of a diary now then a blog about stories and poems i right... but there is occasional advice piece...
Friday, August 24, 2012
Too much to handle...
What's going on with my life?! Something's up with JD and my mom just everything is happening at once and there's no one to turn to. First JD texts me saying he has changed his phone pass code. It didn't bother me at all. He tells me since I don't let him in my phone he is changing it. A valid point so I wasn't mad. I trust him, he barely texts anyone and I'm not looking through his messages anyway. I ask if he did it to make me upset, he said no, but after trying to make sense of it all he tells me he thought I would be mad. If he knew I would be mad he had two options. Either don't tell me, or dont do it in the first place. He admits he lied about changing it. Meaning he just wanted to make me mad. I brushed it off not to serious right. Later he calls me, in just a terrible mood how he's lonely and if I'm not there he has nothing to do and no one to talk to. So I'm like I'll comfort my boo :) no problem I suggest taking up a new hobby or shopping walking running anything t keep busy. Because I'm not always available. He sort of shoots every idea I give him down. I get slightly frustrated because he just seems to be in a mood and he doesn't wanna really hear what I'm telling him...so why call me! I tell him he is too close minded and he just sets off. He yells at me saying he doesn't like when people tell him that and whatever. I also brush that off thinking maybe it's just one of them days. So we spend practically all night on the phone talking nonsense. He asks if he could come over Friday (which is now today). I tell him no, so of course he asks why not (rather harshly actually). At first I tell him it's just to make him angry, slightly to get back at him for the phone thing, but I'm just playing around I tell him it's because I have to finish my summer assignments for school. And once again he is yelling at me, I really can't take being yelled at I just shut down and I can't handle it. He is screaming over me and I'm really getting frustrated. So he says he will go to sleep. I full well know he won't go to sleep but he just wants to get off the phone. So I hang up with haste and like five minutes later he's texting me paragraphs. Angry paragraphs that I didn't appreciate since he said he would sleep. So I call back and I have finally snapped. I tell him your either going to go to sleep and stop texting me rude messages or be humble because right now I'm sick of it. I keep on repeating I'm sick of it and he starts talking over me cutting me off telling me I don't need to repeat myself. I hang up and he calls back asking what I'm sick of. I tell him I'm sick of trying to be positive while everyone's trying to bring me down. Everyone just wants something from me. Even him. He isn't happy unless we are doing something I don't exactly wanna do. I'm sick of everything. I'm sick of living on this planet in this chaos. Fast forward two days I've been to the beach and back. My mom calls thus morning and tells me she has been in an accident. Someone has hit her car on the passenger side taking off her side window. She spends forever at the ford before coming home. She seems pretty shaken up. As soon as I hear about the accident I get up and start cooking. But to no avail she can't eat. She's dizzy and out of sorts. But her car is in the shop so we walk all the way past the hospital to her doctors office. We get there sweaty and out of breath. He doctor tells us immediately to get to the hospital. They run tests and x-rays and all we no is she is dizzy and off balance and she has banged into things that are right in front of her. I brought my bike along tryingn to help us get to her doctor quicker but the wheel randomly in the middle of the street just explode. The front wheel literally forms a growing bubble and it just pops, right in front of me. I leave the bike right in the middle of the sidewalk. Needless to say Im st the hospital from like 11:30 in the morning til around 5 p.m. I'm cold Im tired I'm sore I'm hungry. I havent eaten since yesterday (at the beach). And there's the issue of getting my foster sister from camp that's in a complete different town. My friend ends up getting me and McDonald's picking up my sis we get home. That's where I am now. I'm home with my sister everyone's calling and asking questions. Finally I speak to JD after our fight and not calling him. I tell him all that's happened and he tells me he is going to the marines for a year. He is excited and pacing around I just can't ruin his happiness. He tells me he wants to be stationed in Japan or Dubai. Soooo far away.... It's just too much to handle. I'm going to sleep.
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