In the morning we were having a conversation with a bunch of friends they brought up something I didn't know about so I told them just that. Sad part about it was shadow just stood their laughing along with them as they each called me stupid and a dumb b*tch... I was just standing there awkwardly like the outcast of the group and they all just tore me to pieces....
Next incident of the day was theatre.. In his class we all got monologues even me although I'm technically not in the class... He had a partner and we were told to split of into separate areas of the room to work with your partner and your partner only.... So I let shadow work in the back and I work alone in the front reading it and practicing it and whatever. Then he has his friend come over who tells me that he doesn't want to get a bad grade because shadow is in a bad mood because I was being condescending and facetious .... And that's what hurt me the most... He was probably mad because in the morning I didn't give him a kiss before he left to go to his class...well at the moment my mind was preoccupied with all of the things his friends had called me. Even besides that I realize I was being distant recently my fault I take responsibility for it so I went to him because he I guess could not stand to come over and talk things out with me.... I asked him what's wrong he said nothing... I asked what's really wrong he said he was sick.which is true but why have your friend come up to me and tell me all of this if you did not want to talk...
Next incident after school I finished dance class and I ran upstairs to my locker so I would not miss him...but he never came. I waited for maybe ten minutes before I walked over to where his locker was but he was no where to be found. At this point I really needed him I needed to talk to him.i wanted to talk things out and explain everything... So here is the full explanation:
As everyone knows I hate complaining I don't even talk about myself that much...this is why there are certain things that shadow does not actually know not because I did not trust him to know but it was hard for me to say its out loud. Recently I have been through Alot... But today I finally snapped. Firstly my friend is living with me...shadow met her at the library but. He doesn't know her full story...she has been my best friend since we were like six and two years ago she ran away I had not heard from her or anything and then randomly one day she calls me out of the blue at 12:09 in the morning and long story short she lives here now...I love her being here and I don't want her to leave but could you imagine how hard that is for someone to deal with and act like everything is ok? Secondly the whole morning situation and condescending and facetious name calling.. And lastly today after school I broke down...why you might ask well... After looking all around the school for him and various other people asking where he was I realized that he had just left no good bye no text just plainly left...well the reason I was soo desperately looking for him is that I recently found out that my uncle has cancer...he is about to die and no one in my family told me.i wanted to tell him that this is why lately I haven't been particularly happy or acting all lovey Dover because I was carrying the weight of all of this drama with me...I really needed a shoulder to cry on at the time and he was nowhere insight. I told a close friend of mine and he helped a little but I would rather have shadow... I held back tears for sooo long and I finally found a place where I was all alone and I sat there and cried my eyes out for like a half hour...
This was when I needed him the most not to complain to or explain all my problems to but just to be there when during this time...
So if you happen to read this shadow I am sorry for being condescending and facetious and distant and a stupid bitch according to your friends but if you gave me a chance to explain you would know why and I wouldn't be in my room crying as I write this post.if you had only been straight forward when I asked what was truly wrong in science class things would be different.... I guess it's somehow my fault and this post in no way is to make you feel like a jerk it's just everything I have been carrying around all the time with me....
Ironically enough after I had pulled myself together my ex texted me and I ended up telling him partially about my uncle...
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