More about me...

PART 2:

• my mom says i sleep with one eye open... i doubt it


• i overthink things wayyy to much


• i am my happiest when the people around me are happy


• i get pretty gassed when someone notices something new with me like my nails hairs...something i dont even care


• i have been dancing since i was three years old and i don't plan on stopping...EVER


• from dancing i have become pretty flexible


• i used to participate in dancing competitions


• recently a girl from my competitions caught up with me


• she told me that she thought my boyfriend was cute


• she always was quite the little boyfriend stealer...


• but i trust him so i doubt anything will happen


• these bullet points are starting to sound like sentences


• to get my attention people call me Mrs. O'Reilly...and it works :p


• i hate being at home...


• my house is boring theres never anything to do...


• my boyfriend wants to come over to my house but there would be mothing to do there anyways...plus his house is soooo much more fun :D


• i have one sibling he lives in maryland with his mom he is 4 now and i love him very much


• i didnt know i had a brother til he was almost one years old


• its ironic that my brothers name is Alex...


• theres this girl who has been antagonizing me since 6th grade...i already told my mom that if she gets a call one day from my principal that there was a good cause...


• and no that was not a threat im just tired of hearing her voice...


• I have a strange taste in music one moment i am listening to classical then head banging rock the hip hop, r&b, pop andthe old songs that everyone (should) know.


• i write some really depressing things.... not thst i am depressed but thats where all my inspiration is... everyone around me never truly seems happy and thats what i write about...


• i took alot of the old posts off from my blog because they kinda brought up some memories from dark places in my mind


• i think its rude not to say something when people cough but i don't know what to say...


• i do not consider myself American in my eyes i am British...


• i have a really over protective uncle to lives in North Carolina...who owns a legal gun... and i am afraid to let him meet my boyfriend...


• i don't think he will hurt him just put "the fear of god" in him!


• i am more religious then most people know


• my father is a baptist christian and my mother is a Jehovas Witness


• i used to sit in a tree at my old house and do my homework...


• i have a little rambunctious puppy named nala


• i wish i knew more about the things my boyfriend was into because half of the time i have no clue what gamer language he is speaking!


• i am willing to give anykind of music a try


• people assume things about me which normally aren't true...


• assumptions lead to wrong desicions i believe


• i dance around my room making up fantasies about random bursts of hot tango dances with my boyfriend


• my boyfriend refuses to dance...anyone can dance


• i am not shy...at all last year i walked around asking guys (some i didnt even know) questions i probably should know until i am married


• i used to wear contacts but i started getting too much male attention then i could handle


• i play the flute but in my head i am the best drummer


• my video game skills are not up to par :/ but im going to fix that


• i used to have braces


• i have an obsession with being different... i refused to get the sidekick phone because too many people had it


• i wear a choker around my neck and i have had it on since 1st grade... i never take it off because when i did bad things started happening (i dislocated my knee, tripped up the stairs, relationship issues)


• i am scary good at hiding my emotions... because if im hiding it then it means i don't want to talk about it...


• I recently have been hanging out with different people...


• my mom is sort of trying this new thing where i have more freedom, i personally believe its an amazing parenting move


• i have tried to sneak out once but i chickened out cause imma punk :3


• when i am old enough to drive i will never be home :p


• sagging is disgusting and unattractive...i don't want to see the sponggebob bokers you have have on for the past three weeks


• when i am angry i am either quietly cursing you out in my head or talking with a british accent and if i am truly mad i may have this sort of jamacain accent.


• my family believes i am an empath (look it up)


• i am a horrible liar...


• it makes some people nervous when i look them in the eye...not sure why


• I apparently make people nervous....again not sure why because i try to be a friendly as possible to everyone


• if i were to say half the things i am thinking people would think i was crazyy


• i was a premature baby... and i had jaundice (i am fine now)


• i think its cute when people actually write me letters :) like real letters that are sent in the mail it means sooo much more :D

emotional attack...

Alright im in school as i right this post its 6th period im in computer apps...
i feel like there is a pressure in my head and the room is spinning and writing this is very difficult. I lost my voice for most of last period and its kinda shaky now but i really hope i don't pass out because i know there is no one home right now and both of my parents are at work...i took a cab to school today... either way my boyfriend is just the sweetes thing ever :) he looked over at me and its almost like he could tell something was not right...i don't want to tell him this but i do not for a fact for only a couple of seconds i believe i was passed out...let me tell you why because there is a gap in my memory of what the teacher was saying and what was going on around me... i don't want to freak him out or anything because i know it is a scary thing to see... i could see out of the corner of my eye every couple of second he would look over just to see if i was ok...reminds me of last year when he was having relationship issues. Anyway i have lunch next maybe if i eat i will feel better. As of right now i am praying i get through the rest of today because personally i am not sure if i can make it...but if anything happens one more time on school time and property i will be homeschooled i haven't told anyone this yet. there is nooo way i can be homeschooled because my mom is never home and the last time i saw my dad i was strapped to a gourney on my way to the hospital...(long story) besides that i haven't seen him in over a month...i miss him alot it seems almost like we are drifting apart which brings me to april...
in april i am going with my father to france and possibly Italy for three weeks just me and him...i am really excited to go but i know i will get homesick and miss my boyfriend...i would have asked if he could come but things like that never exactly work out in my favor.
I realize this post is kinda dragging on about stuff no one even cares about so let me write something positive....
hmmmmm... uhhhh...ummmmm... well you see....uhhhh......
theres a demented squirrel outside the window in front of me and its staring at me....o.O its kinda making me nervous but the window is closed (thank god) urghhhhhh and earlier this month someone...not naming any names. put her foot right next to my face knowing i HATE feet... they freak me out sooo much. they look like mutant hands...
on another note my teacher just showed us his new iphone4s its sooo amazingg!!! he asked it if he needed an umbrella and it showed him the wheather forecast and then he asked how old micheal jordan is and it told him 48 and 8 months! how crazyyy is that!!! then he scanned the barcode on his water bottle and it told him it was a mineral water and how much it costs...let me just say its pretty overpriced!ummm im running out of things to write soo this is the part where i wrap up my post with a clever witty remark...i got nothing...soo for now
Ill blog ya later

I did it...

SO i gave my boyfriend the URL to my site... feeling like i should have reread the stuff i used to write on here...because it was really depressing and what not thank god i didnt put the when the world turns black on here...he would probably get so freaked out...well now he knows everything.....he has the information to destroy me but....what is love but giving someone the power to destroy you but trusting them not to... i know some of you are thinking shes crazy i would never have done that but i do truly love and trust him. and i have a ton of more things to put up on here.
kinda nervous but i refuse to censor myself i will always be just as real as i have always been since fifth grade :) a little nervous but excited all in one :D

just a little something...

U Make Me
You make me laugh when I want to cry,Make me live when I want to die,Make me smile when I want to frown,You turn my life upside down.Believe in me when no one else doesYou’re my now, my is, my was.When you call my name I begin to blush,I’m afraid people notice I need you so much.When I’m with you time flies by fast.It’s like the present is the past.I need you more than you can believe,Love you more than you can conceive.Think about you every night and dayAnd hope my life can stay this wayI don’t want it to be any other way.

Should I tell?

Well my boyfriend now knows all about the embarrasing stuff i write on this blog but he doesn't know how to find it... I mean how could i tell him all the embarassing stuff you know... not that i'm hiding it from him just... its kinda fun seeing how interested he is with all of it. even the cute little stories and poems i used to write...this is like a diary. I love him sooo much more then i can ever put into words and he makes me happy when no one else can...but i got this call yesturday from someone who i thought i would never hear from ever again
I knew it was bad from the start as soon as his name popped up on my caller id ...he started off speaking about how life was with him in Newark then he told me i was the only person he could truly trust. and somehow we ended up talking about his best friend who has had a crush on me for like a year...but the feelings aren't mutual. this guy he is a real player you know the kidnd that will only come see you with one thing on his mind... anyway his friend on the phone wants me to go over to meet themm...in a no strings attached kinda way...i immediatly turned them down but i do wish i could just go see them as friends and nothing more... But i know it will end badly ... i wish they were different. Ohhh the peple jenell introduces me to are no good... AND NO I DO NOT LIKE ITHER OF THEM! AND I NEVER WILL. i am not confused to where my heart is...i love one person and one person only... forever and always

All about me

ok i have noooo idea why i am writing this but i feel like i will be liberated from myself if i do soo here it goes:

• my parents are divorced... and it kills me





• i have never been drunk





• never done drugs





• i'm insecure at times





• people get on my nerves but i can't hate...anyone





• i used to get bullied





• i had a gap in my teeth





• my hair used to be really poofy





• my mom picked out my clothes all through elementary school!





• i get good grades





• in sixth grade i had the chance to get my book published





• i write everything down...





• by looking at your facial expression i can normally tell your mood





• i have an obsession with giving advice





• people i just met seem to trust me more than usual





• i have a penpal who lives in south Africa





• i dance i play the flute





• sing (unofficially in the shower)





• i have syncope





• my friends are the best





• im kinda rough





• i like my guy to tell me exactly whats he wants/likes





• honesty is the best policy





• ive got an addiction to chocolate





• i have some strange talents





• i have awesome nail painting skills and i love when people notice





• i get nervous super easy





• im ticklish EVERYWHERE!!!!!





• i love being hugged around the waist from behinde





• i havethis crazy idea for a flash mob in the mall and in school for no reason





• I am not a homophobe





• i like to color....cuz imma big kid ;P





• i never personally have drama





• My favorite color is purple



• Feet freak me out



• I love my boyfriend very much


• If i could have anything in the world i would want for every person to be happy...(i know it sounds sappy but i really do mean it)


• something almost no one knows is: i have no gag reflex because i had my tonsils taken out when i was young (get your mind outta the gutter you nasty)



• I like change



• thinking about dying my hair a dark shadowy purple



• i love when i guy grabs myy butt...my guilty plessure ;)



• TO BE CONTINUED...

Just something i wrote...

I know this sounds like it should be a song but i can't write a tune...


The tears i cry
Are not for me
but for what is left of you
Because all i'm left with
are pieces of a broken heart...


To BE continued...